Sharing Kirby Written by Heide Perlman
Directed by Kelsey Grammer
=====================================================================
Production Code: 9.09
Episode Number In Production Order: 201
Original Airdate on NBC: November 20th, 2001
Transcript written on November 24th, 2001
Cast List [in order of appearance]
FRASIER CRANE..........................................KELSEY GRAMMER
LUCIUS.................................................DEVON MICHAELS
ROZ DOYLE.................................................PERI GILPIN
KIRBY GARDNER...........................................BRIAN KLUGMAN
KENNY DALY................................................TOM McGOWAN
DAPHNE MOON...............................................JANE LEEVES
MARTIN CRANE.............................................JOHN MAHONEY
NILES CRANE.........................................DAVID HYDE PIERCE
Dude, That's Awesome!
Kirby Gardner has appeared in the following episodes:
- [8.21] Semi-Decent Proposal [1]
- [8.22] A Passing Fancy [2]
- [9.01] Don Juan in Hell [1]
- [9.02] Don Juan in Hell [2]
Transcript {Kelly Dean Hansen}
Skyline: A yellow sun rises over the city.
ACT 1
[Scene 1 - Radio Station.
Frasier is speaking to an internship applicant named Lucius. He is
an intellectual, geeky-looking, lanky Poindexter type. Roz is also
present.]
Frasier: Well, I'll have to run this by the station manager, of course,
Lucius, but barring any unforseen circumstances, I believe the
internship will be yours. [He shakes Lucius's hand.]
Lucius: [sucking up] That would be wonderful. But just meeting the
preeminent radio psychologist of this era has been a most
thrilling experience.
Frasier: [flattered, chuckling] Well... [Lucius exits. Frasier closes
the door.] So, Roz, what do you think?
Roz: I think he's a pretentious, arrogant toady.
Frasier: I love him, too! Just think of it Roz--a triple major at
Harvard University. Why, he even plays the samisen! [Roz
looks puzzled.] Come on, Roz, the samisen. [Roz is still
clueless.] It's a Japanese guitar-like instrument whose strings
are plucked with a spatula. Hmm?
Roz: I can hardly wait for the intern talent show.
Frasier: Oh, I'm so excited, Roz. At last, I'll have a superior mind
I can mold.
[At this point, Kirby Gardner, whom we last saw in Don Juan in Hell,
appears at the window. Kirby is best known to us as the son of Lana.
Frasier tutored him in exchange for Lana setting him up with the
now-departed Claire French.]
Roz: Speaking of mold, what is he doing here? Are you still
tutoring him?
Frasier: Oh, God forbid! [Kirby enters.] Kirby!
Kirby: Hey, Dr. Crane!
Frasier: Hello!
Kirby: [flirtatiously] Hello, Roz! What have you been doing since I
took you to my prom?
Roz: Mostly showering.
Frasier: So, what brings you here, Kirby?
Kirby: I heard your radio station's looking for an intern.
Frasier: [panicking] Radio stations looking for an intern...you say?
Kirby: I was hoping you could hook me up. [flirtatiously] Just think,
Roz, with me working here, we'll be together like, 24/7 five
days a week.
Roz: [looking somewhat disturbed] Okay. [She exits.]
Kirby: [taking out a folded paper] I was hoping you could go over my
resumé.
Frasier: Oh, well, uh, all right, Kirby. Uh...although I must tell you
that the station manager has final say in these matters. [He
takes the resumé and sits down.]
Kirby: I fudged a little bit on my job history.
Frasier: [irritated] So you never actually worked at NASA?
Kirby: Or Burger King. [laughs]
[Kenny enters.]
Kenny: Oh, hey, Doc. Oh, is this one of the intern candidates?
Frasier: Uh, well...
Kenny: Kenny Daly. I'm the station manager. [He shakes Kirby's hand.]
Kirby: Pleased to meet you. I'm so stoked to get this job.
Kenny: I like that in a candidate, Doc--he looks hungry.
Kirby: That's amazing, dude. 'Cause I-I am kind of hungry.
Kenny: There's a vending machine right out there. [Kirby exits.] Hey,
I love this guy! He's a breath of fresh air. Unlike all these
Ivy League snobs you've been prancing around all day. [He exits.]
Roz: [opening the door from the sound booth] You're not really
thinking of hiring Kirby, are you?
Frasier: Of course not, Roz. I've got my heart set on Lucius.
Roz: Me too, he plays the samisen!
Frasier: Just...all right. [He exits the booth. To Kirby] Uh, Kirby...
listen, I'm terribly sorry about what just happened.
Kirby: What?
Frasier: You see, whenever Kenny sends someone out to the candy machine,
it's a signal that that person won't be around anymore.
[playing it up] We call it the "Hershey's Kiss-Off."
Kirby: Oh, man, I really want to get this job. So I can move in with
Scoogy and Fat Tyler. You know, live like an adult for once
in my life.
Frasier: Yes, well, I-I am terribly sorry.
Kirby: It's not your fault. You did everything you could, right?
Frasier: Well...yes. You know, I'll tell you what. Um...I will keep
my ears open for-for any opportunities, all right?
Kirby: That would be great, Dr. Crane. Something in law enforcement
would be awesome.
Frasier: [looking at the resumé] Yes, well...that shouldn't be too
difficult, considering you were trained...by the F.B.O.
[He points out the mistake. They part. Fade out.]
[Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment.
Daphne is seated at the table, and Martin is in his chair. He is
wearing a blood pressure cuff, which he begins to remove.]
Daphne: Leave it, Old Man!
Martin: It's bugging me. I do not have high blood pressure, and it
looks ridiculous.
Daphne: I think it looks handsome. Like those armbands gladiators
wore, only inflatable.
[Frasier enters.]
Frasier: Ah, Daphne, Dad.
Martin: Hey, Frasier.
Frasier: Say, how was the doctor's?
Martin: It stunk.
Daphne: Mr. Crane's pressure read a little high, so Dr. Stewart
insisted he wear this monitor for 48 hours.
Frasier: [hanging his coat] Well that's troubling.
Daphne: Oh, don't worry, it's just a precaution. It takes his
pressure at random intervals and sends the information right
to a computer in the doctor's office. It's very clever.
Martin: It's not clever. It's an invasion of my privacy. Plus, they
got me on that damn "Heart Smart" diet. Two days of salt and
fat--gone! You don't get that back.
Daphne: Well, stay calm, or you'll be on it forever.
Martin: [increasingly irritated] How can I stay calm? I'm just sitting
here expecting this thing to go off any second. I'm afraid to
move. It's like I'm a prisoner. You know, that's just like
doctors, isn't it? They're always finding some new way to
torture you. Well, maybe I want my blood pressure to
be high. Did they ever think of that? I mean, what...
[At this point, the height of Martin's anger, the cuff begins to inflate.
Martin is troubled by this.]
Martin: There it goes! You sneaky bastard!
[Daphne rolls her eyes.]
Frasier: [sitting] Dad, you know, here's a suggestion, if I may. Um...
the next time you feel yourself getting annoyed, take a deep
breath and then picture your anger as a red balloon drifting
higher and higher above the clouds till it disappears.
[makes a gesture to illustrate.]
Martin: And that will get me back on nachos? Well, I better get
ready for work. [rises]
Frasier: Right.
Martin: Daph, did you get my shirt back from the cleaners?
Daphne: It's in your room. I laundered it myself. There's no sense
paying for dry cleaning a work shirt.
Martin: [upset] Well, yes there is. I told you, they make us buy them
ourselves. They cost a lot of money, you know. And I have to
go all the way down to the uniform supply house and you can't
park there because of all the construction that's...[the cuff
inflates again] No! No! No! No, Wait! Wait! [very agitated]
Damn it all to hell! [He goes to his room.]
Daphne: Oh, you have some messages, Dr. Crane. A Kirby called at 4:00,
then again at 4:20 and 4:45. It was upsetting your father, so
I turned the ringer off. [We see that Daphne is doing her nails.]
Frasier: Oh dear, I promised him I'd help him find a job in some field
for which he's qualified. And with the proliferation of self-
serve gas stations, I'm afraid that narrows the field even
further.
Daphne: Why is it your responsibility to help him?
Frasier: Well, the truth is I really didn't do all I could to help him
get a job at the radio station. Poor Kirby. You know, maybe
I should just turn the ringer back on. [He does, and the phone
is ringing.] Well. [He turns it back off.] Maybe after dinner.
[Niles enters.]
Niles: Hello. Hey, Daphne!
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Daphne: I'll get my things. I'll be just a minute. [She exits.]
Frasier: Oh, uh, care for a quick sherry before you go?
Niles: Oh, thank you.
Frasier: So, how was your weekend?
Niles: Fine, and yours?
Frasier: Good. You know, something curious did happen, though. I was
in a cheese shop, and I...ran into Reynolds. [Niles looks
apprehensive.] And he told me that he saw several bottles of
Chateau Haut Brion '61 at your place. I wasn't aware that
you had Brion '61. [Offers Niles, who is now seated on the
couch, the sherry.]
Niles: Really? Didn't I tell you, I stumbled across a case.
Frasier: Really? That's wonderful news, Niles. It's virtually
unattainable. So, how much do I owe you for my half?
Niles: [laughs] That's very funny. Reynolds made that same joke.
[drinks]
Frasier: Niles...we had a deal. Whenever I've found a case of rare
wine, I've offered you half.
Niles: I understood that our deal only applied to vintages post 19...
65.
Frasier: That wasn't part of the agreement.
Niles: Well, I'll have to reread it.
Frasier: It was oral!
Niles: Oh, pity.
Frasier: [angry] This is outrageous! I can't believe you're cutting
me out like this.
Niles: [breaking] I'm sorry. I try to be an ethical person, but wine
is my weakness, and...this is really too good to share.
Frasier: [unimpressed] I see.
Niles: I will find a way to make it up to you.
Frasier: Why don't you just sell me my half?
Niles: I said I'll find a way to make it up to you. [Frasier
shakes his head.] You have my word.
Frasier: Really? Your oral agreements aren't worth the air into which
they are uttered!
[Daphne enters.]
Daphne: Are we ready to go?
Niles: Yeah. [rising] Look, Daphne, I was, uh, I was thinking rather
than go to another boring movie [getting his coat] why don't
we go back to my place and kick off our shoes and, uh,
rearrange my library? [Places Daphne's coat on her.]
Daphne: Are you still doing that? You said you'd be finished by
now.
Frasier: [seated, indignant] Yes, he says a lot of things!
Niles: It's a bigger project than I'd anticipated.
[Niles and Daphne head for the door.]
Daphne: Can't you hire someone to help you?
Niles: And let someone else touch my books? Where would I find
someone with your unimpeachable fastidiousness?
[He opens the door, and they begin to leave.]
Frasier: [rising, getting an idea] Fastidious, you say? Niles, I
believe I know just the lad that can help you! Kirby Gardner!
Daphne: Is he that boy who's been calling you all afternoon?
Frasier: Yes, yes, he's very persistent. One of his many fine
attributes. You know, I've wanted to hire him myself, but
there was nothing available for him at the station.
Niles: I don't know. My books are the one thing I'm fussy about.
[Daphne gets a knowing, but loving, grimace on her face at that comment.
Frasier also doesn't quite know what to make of it.]
Daphne: Oh, please, Niles? [plying him] It'll give us more time
together.
Niles: [giving in] Well, if you put it that way. [Frasier begins to
chuckle with satisfaction] Wait! If I hire this protégé of
yours, will that make us even on the wine?
Frasier: [pleased at this good fortune] Niles, you are too crafty for
me. [Niles looks as if he has put one over on Frasier.] All
right, yes, very well. That will make us even. [They shake
hands.] Have a good night, you too!
[Niles and Daphne leave. Frasier chuckles in a sinister manner,
delighted that he has gotten back at Niles and dealt with the Kirby
problem at the same time. Fade out.]
A Mountain Out of a Mulvehill
[Scene 3 - Niles's Library in his apartment at the Montana.
It is as outrageously resplendent as everything we have seen of the
Montana so far. It could pass for a public library in a small city or
certainly for a school library. There are books lining shelves on every
wall from top to bottom, and there is a sliding ladder that moves along
the shelves. There is a complete set of furniture in the center. The
middle of the wall separating the upper and lower stacks is decorated
with proverbs and quotations, such as one might find at a university
library. This is the first time this set has been used.]
Niles: [as we fade in] How's it going, Kirby? I hope you're not
getting lost in the 17th...
[Kirby is standing on the ladder looking at an open book. He is eating
Chee-tos. He wears headphones and rubber gloves. Niles enters the
library and is horrified.]
Niles: Oh, my Lord! [He removes a book that has been draped open on
a bust.] Kirby!!
Kirby: [removing his headphones, still chewing on Chee-tos] Hey, Dr.
Crane.
Niles: What are you doing? You're eating in my library! You're
ruining my books!
[The books behind Kirby's head are in disarray on the shelves. Niles
takes the book and the bag of Chee-tos from Kirby and begins to blow
the cheese crumbs off of the book.]
Kirby: Relax, bro. I'm wearing the gloves.
[As Niles turns on a light, Kirby places his foot on a column between
the shelves and shoves off hard, sending the ladder quickly to the
other end of the range of shelves. He grabs a soda that he has placed
on a shelf there.]
Niles: Kirby!
[Kirby turns, sipping on the soda.]
Niles: Come down here. [Kirby places the can back on the shelf and
begins to descend.] No, no, bring your can. [He does, and
then comes down.] Sit down. [He complies.] Kirby, this is
completely unacceptable. I-I just cannot allow this.
[We see that the entire library is in chaos. There are books piled
on one of the tables and in various other places.]
Kirby: Whoa! Are you gonna fire me? [He places the can on an
endtable. Niles quickly grabs it.]
Niles: Well, I know that you have good intentions. But I'm afraid...
[The phone rings.] Excuse me. [He answers it.] Hello?
[irritated, to Kirby] It's for you.
Kirby: Could you find out who it is?
Niles: Who's calling please? [to Kirby] It's Kristi Mulvehill.
Kirby: Tell her I'll call her back. [chuckles]
Niles: He'll call you back. [hangs up] Kirby...your friend Kristi--
she's not related to William Mulvehill? [He sits down.]
Kirby: Yeah, that's her grandfather. So weird how all you old dudes
all know each other.
Niles: Well, I-I don't actually know him, just know of him and his
[breathes] wine collection.
Kirby: Wine collection. It's famous among the old dudes.
Niles: Legendary, except he's so reclusive! No one gets to see it.
Frasier and I have tried everything but sealing ourselves in
casks and rolling in.
Kirby: Really? I go there a lot.
Niles: [extremely envious] You've been to the Mulvehill wine cellar?
Have you seen the bottle that was owned by Thomas Jefferson?
Kirby: Well, I'm usually with Kristi so, uh, I'm looking at the jugs
not the bottles, if you know what I mean. [chuckles gleefully]
Niles: [joining in Kirby's chuckle] Oh, you! [He hands back Kirby's
soda.] You know...[clears throat] it would be quite a thrill
for a wine connoisseur like me to meet William Mulvehill. Do
you think you could...get me in?
Kirby: I bet Kristi could.
Niles: Well, let's just get her on the phone and ask her, shall we?
[He runs excitedly to the phone.]
Kirby: Well, I would, but...if I were unemployed I'd-I'd just be too
depressed to talk to her. [He places the soda on the endtable.]
Niles: Oh...unemployed, what are you taliking about? [He removes the
soda from the endtable.] That was just a few harsh words spoken
in a moment of haste. So the library isn't challenging enough
for you, we'll find something more suited to your particular
[hesitates] talents. [He hands Kirby the phone.] Here's the
phone. [The doorbell rings. He looks at his watch.] Oh,
that'll be Frasier. Umm...why don't you call from the kitchen?
[Niles pulls at one of the book stacks, which moves forward to reveal a
secret passageway.]
Kirby: Whoa! Do they all do that? [He pulls at the next one.]
Niles: No! No! [He stops Kirby and hands him the soda. Kirby exits
and Niles closes the book stack/door.]
Frasier: [in the background] Niles?
Niles: I'll be right there!
[Frasier enters.]
Frasier: Are you ready to...[observing the chaos in the library]
Oh, dear! Is this Kirby's work?
Niles: Mm-hmm.
Frasier: Niles, I owe you an apology.
Niles: No, no. I understand. I had it coming. We're even.
Frasier: Let me help you clean up.
Niles: No, don't be silly. I will be through this in a trice.
Just you scoot.
Frasier: Nonsense. Let me help you.
Niles: No, no.
[Frasier begins to pick up some books. Niles stops him.]
Frasier: Really, Niles, let me do this for you.
[Kirby enters through the secret passage, interrupting them.]
Kirby: Oh, hi. Grampy Mulvehill says only one person can go into the
wine cellar.
[Niles has fruitlessly tried to stop Kirby as he said the above.]
Frasier: [shocked] Grampy Mulvehill? As in William Mulvehill?
Kirby: I told you. Old dudes, they all know each other.
[Niles frantically hurries Kirby back through the passageway.]
Frasier: I knew something was up. You weren't going to tell me about
Mulvehill, were you?
Niles: [with feigned shame] I'm sorry. I have le vin fou.
Frasier: Don't hand me that. That is just a flimsy excuse for your
outrageous selfishness, and what's worse is you are actually
using that boy!
Niles: Well, you used him to get back at me!
Frasier: As you said, it made us even.
Niles: Oh, I said that to get you out of here. Look at my library!
I hope you're happy!
Frasier: Well, I didn't think it would be this bad! I thought the boy
could at least put a book on a shelf!
[The volume of the argument has steadily increased. Kirby quickly
enters through the passageway.]
Kirby: I can hear you fighting about me from down the hall. You're
right, I don't deserve a job.
Frasier: Kirby, that's not true.
Kirby: It is. Forget it. [slamming the soda can on the table] I'm
a hopeless screw-up, just like my priest said! [He exits,
clearly upset and hurt.]
Frasier: [calling after him] Kirby! Wait!
Niles: What happened? What have we done?
Frasier: Isn't it obvious, Niles. You've hurt his feelings. [Niles
reacts to this.] You know, I have a special relationship with
Kirby. Maybe I'll just take him out to dinner. Smooth
things over.
Niles: Well, I'm perfectly capable of making my own apologies. I'll
take him out to dinner.
Frasier: Well, you know, on second thought, I actually did say some
rather hurtful things myself.
Niles: I think it's incumbent upon both of us to help repair his
damaged self-esteem together.
Frasier: Very well. We'll be two trained therapists working in tandem.
Niles: Yes. To repair the wounded innocent.
Frasier: Yes, yes, that's very high-minded of you, Niles.
[They both move to sit down.]
Niles: Yes, you too, Frasier.
Frasier: You know, this is an utterly altruistic act, isn't it?
Niles: As utterly as it gets.
Frasier: I think we're of the same mind.
Niles: [brushing his shirt] Oh, I think so, too.
[They continue the charade, tapping their chairs with their fingers,
as we fade out.]
END OF ACT 1
ACT 2
Rage Against the Machine
[Scene 4 - Frasier's apartment.
Martin is in his chair. Daphne enters with Eddie.]
Martin: Where have you been? I'm starving.
Daphne: Sorry, I was walking Eddie. Haven't even been to the market
yet.
Martin: Oh, Daph, it's almost six o'clock. How many times do I have
to...[stopping himself, staring upward] Red balloon. Red
balloon. [smiles] It's all right.
Daphne: Well, good for you. And I'll nip out to the market now.
Martin: Oh, don't bother. Let's just open a can of soup.
[Frasier enters. Daphne moves toward the kitchen.]
Frasier: Well, I'm off.
Daphne: Enjoy your dinner.
Frasier: Thank you.
Martin: Who took the batteries out of my remote?
Frasier: Gosh, I'm sorry, Dad. I needed them for my foot spa. [He
finishes putting on his jacket.]
Martin: And you had to take them out of the one thing I need
batteries for in this house? God forbid your royal feet go
without eucalyptus for...
Frasier: [warning] Dad!
[Martin pictures the red balloon again. He smiles.]
Martin: That's all right. There's got to be some other way to switch
the channels.
[Frasier exits.]
Daphne: Bye. Well, Mr. Crane, I'll go and open that can of soup.
Martin: Oh, would you turn the game on?
Daphne: Sports? Mmm. Might be a bit too exciting. Why don't we
just watch a nice soothing movie?
Martin: [suspicious] Like what?
Daphne: How about Message in a Bottle?
Martin: Oh, is that one of those movies that takes 45 minutes for
anything to happen, and then you're sorry it did?
Daphne: If you don't like that, we could watch To Gillian on her
37th Birthday.
[Martin pictures the red balloon again and smiles.]
Martin: You pick.
Daphne: [excited] Yes.
[She runs to the TV. Fade out.]
[Scene 5 - Café Nervosa.
Frasier and Kirby are seated at a table near the door. Niles enters.]
Frasier: Niles!
Niles: Well, imagine my surprise seeing the two of you here, [with
veiled vexation] when the three of us have reservations for
dinner at Le Cigar Volant in half an hour.
Kirby: Hi, Dr. Crane. Dr. Crane invited me here for a before-dinner
cocoa.
Niles: Isn't that nice? Frasier, may I have a word?
[Niles puts down his briefcase.]
Frasier: Yes, of course. Kirby, we'll be right back.
[They move away from the table.]
Frasier: All right, now before you get started--I brought the boy here
in order to ease him into this evening. I was afraid that the
sight of the two of us might bring up some unpleasant
memories.
Niles: I see. So this has nothing to do with you trying to get into
Grampy Mulvehill's wine cellar instead of me.
Frasier: The fact that you even said that speaks volumes about you.
Now let's get back before the boy starts to think we're talking
about him. [They go back to the table.] We're back now!
Niles: Kirby, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for both
Frasier and my behavior earlier.
Kirby: It's no problem. I forgave you as soon as I got that DVD
player you sent me.
[Niles fruitlessly tries to quiet Kirby.]
Frasier: Niles, may I see you for a moment?
[They move again to the spot of their earlier discussion.]
Frasier: DVD player?
Niles: OK, you caught me in a selfish moment. I was trying to
assuage my guilt for the way I treated him.
Frasier: And you weren't trying to buy Kirby's loyalty so that you
and you alone could benefit from your Mulvehill connection
reviving your woefully flagging reputation in the wine
community?
Niles: [feigning offense] I categorically deny that!
Frasier: So you did it just to burn me?
Niles: I deny that.
Frasier: But not categorically.
Niles: Frasier, do I have to remind you, this is not about us? It's
about Kirby, whom we've abandoned in order to have this petty
spat.
[They go back to the table.]
Frasier: We're back again. [They sit.] So, Kirby, where were we?
Kirby: You were asking me about Grampy's wine cellar.
Niles: [moving to stand] Frasier...
Frasier: [cutting him off] Not now, Niles.
Niles: Fine. I was going to leave this till later, [he reaches down
and grabs a box] but Kirby, I saw these and I thought of you.
[He places the box on the table.]
Kirby: No way! [He opens the box and pulls out athletic shoes.]
13's--how'd you know my size?
Niles: Oh, I measured the footprint you left in donut powder on my
floor, you rascal. [He grins wickedly at Frasier.]
Kirby: [to Frasier] These are awesome, [hinting] aren't they, Dr.
Crane?
Frasier: Oh, yes, indeed they are, Kirby. You know, you're going to
need some togs to go with them. I have an account at
Bidwell's. What do you say I call them tomorrow and set you
up?
Kirby: Wow, thanks. I never had togs before. [Frasier laughs.] You
guys are so great, the way you keep trying to build up my
self-esteem and all. I wish there was some way I could take
you both to the wine cellar, but I can't. [He looks from one
to the other, knowing that he has them both in the palm of
his hand.]
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Frasier.
[They stand and move again to the spot of their earlier discussions.]
Frasier: Do you believe the nerve of this boy, pitting us against each
other?
Niles: Well, we're not going to be manipulated like this.
Frasier: No, we certainly aren't. Let's put a stop to it right now.
[They go back to the table.]
Frasier: All right, Kirby, I'm afraid your little game is up, and I
want to tell you something else.
Niles: [interrupting, reaching into his wallet] $100.
Frasier: [countering] $200!
Niles: $300!
Frasier: [getting angry] $500!
Niles: [pulling out more money] Kirby, have you ever been to Vegas?
Frasier: [playing his trump card] He can't go to Vegas! He'll be too
busy interning at the radio station!
[Kirby has collected the money, and he sets it back down after hearing
this.]
Kirby: No...way! I got the job? Thank you, Dr. Crane! [He shakes
Frasier's hand.] You just got yourself a wine tour.
Frasier: [chuckling] Well...and thank you Kirby! Ha, ha!
[Kirby collects the money again. Niles, indignant, puts away his
wallet.]
Kirby: This is so awesome, and I promise, I will not let you
down. I'm going to soak up as much as I can from you. I'm
going to be like your shadow. You and me, Dr. Crane, from
now on! You know we should probably carpool to work.
Frasier: [with a look of intense regret] Niles, could I see you for a
moment?
Niles: [immensely enjoying the consequences of Frasier's desperate
one-upmanship, smugly] No.
[Kirby counts his money. Frasier looks defeated. Fade out.]
[Scene 6 - Frasier's apartment.
Daphne is on the couch with Eddie. She and Martin are watching a movie.
Both are clearly engrossed, but Martin is trying to hide it.]
Daphne: [sobbing] Isn't this the most romantic thing you've ever seen?
Martin: If you say so.
Daphne: There's no greater passion than that between a woman and a
ghost. [She sobs again. The telephone rings.]
Martin: I'll get it. [He rises to answer it. As he moves to the phone
and it continues to ring, he looks back toward the screen.
He answers the phone.] Hello? [He glances back again. He lowers
his voice.] Oh, um, yeah. Really? [He glances yet again.
Still speaking soft enough so that Daphne can't hear him.] I
don't have to wear it anymore? That's great! [He glances
back.] Yeah, thanks, Dr. Stewart. [He glances as he hangs up.
Keeping his eye fixed to the screen, he moves back to his
chair.]
Daphne: Who was that?
Martin: Dr. Stewart.
Daphne: Are you all right?
Martin: I'm fine.
Daphne: I suppose you want me to put the game on, then.
Martin: Well, uh, actually, he said there was a bit of a foul-up
with the computer and, uh, maybe I should wear it for a
couple more hours.
Daphne: [still sobbing] Well, that's too bad. Do you want me to
rewind?
Martin: [quickly, slightly irritated] If you're going to keep
talking!
[Daphne looks at him knowingly and grins. Fade out.]
END OF ACT 2
[Scene Z - End Credits.
Niles's library. Lucius, having meticulously placed Niles's books in
order, climbs down the ladder. He asks for Niles's approval, who is
sitting reading a book and drinking a glass of wine. Niles nods.
Lucius takes his samisen, sits, and begins to play. Niles apparently
finds the samisen music soothing. He continues to read and sip,
looking quite content.]
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2001 by Kelly D Hansen. This episode
summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright of Paramount
Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
