Father Of The Bride Written by Mark Reisman
Directed by David Lee
=====================================================================
Production Code: 7.2.
Episode Number In Production Order: 145.
Original Airdate on NBC: 30th September 1999
Original Airdate on CH4: 14th January 2000
Episode filmed on 17th August 1999
Synopsis written on 30th September 1999
Transcript written on 29th January 2000
Transcript revised first on 20th May 2001.
Donny Douglas Episodes
- [6.15] To Tell The Truth.
- [6.16] Decoys.
- [6.22] Visions Of Daphne.
- [6.23] Shut Out In Seattle [1].
- [6.24] Shut Out In Seattle [2].
- [7.02] Father Of The Bride.
Transcript {nicholas hartley}
Act One.
Scene One - Café Nervosa.
Frasier is flicking through some magazines when Roz comes to join him.
Roz: [sitting:] Oh hey, Frasier. Catalogues?
Frasier: Yes. I'm trying to find the perfect wedding gift for Daphne
and Donny.
Roz: Oh, right. Well, I guess now that they've set a date, I'll
be getting my bridesmaid draft notice.
Frasier: You know Roz, she might not even ask you.
Roz: [positive:] Oh, she'll ask me. They all do. The next thing
I know I'm wearing some revolting puffy-sleeved dress made
from the same material that keeps the space shuttle from
burning up on re-entry.
Frasier: You know, Roz, Daphne might just surprise you and pick a
dress you like.
Roz: Oh, impossible. They're always ugly; that's why the bride
makes sure she's the prettiest one at the wedding.
Frasier: That's awfully cynical.
Roz: Oh yeah, when was the last time you found yourself staring
at the bridesmaid instead of the bride? [signals to the
waitress]
Frasier: That would have been at my wedding to Lilith.
Roz, not getting the attention of the waitress, heads over to the
counter. Then Niles enters and sits with his brother.
Niles: Hello Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied
me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their
gravel driveway?
Frasier: I told you Niles, I would have helped you, but their sister
was holding me down.
Niles: No, my point is - [to waitress:] Cappuccino, please [to
Frasier:] - even that experience was less painful than the
date I was just on. She was... [takes a cat hair from his
jacket and puts it on the floor] ...a cat person. She
brought her cat on our date. Well, she had good reason, it
was Mr. Waggles's birthday. Actually his birthday party.
Actually, his surprise birthday party.
Frasier: I'm sorry, where on earth did you meet this woman?
Niles: At Nordstroms. We both reached for the same cashmere throw
and she said she needed something to keep her waggles warm.
I thought it was a coy euphemism. [the waitress brings his
coffee] Thank you.
Frasier: Well, Niles, I certainaly understand you being upset, but you
know, you've got to keep on looking.
Niles: Well, trust me, with Daphne getting married, I have no choice
but to press on. But I'm going to change my strategy. Do
you recall, the other day at the health club, Tony Hubner
gave me that phone number?
Frasier: Dear God, Niles, not a dating service?
Niles: No, it's not a dating service. An "Introduction Network" for
busy professionals. I've given them my vital statistics,
there's an extensive screening process, they bill me at the
end of the month.
Frasier: Niles, please. They are all money-grubbing con-artists who
prey on the pathetic and the lonely. God's sakes, you sign
up with visions of some Ph.D., and what do they deliver? A
buck toothed librarian who needs help washing her mother!
Are you really that desperate?
Niles: Half an hour ago, I had my back leg tethered to Mr. Waggles's
forepaw and we came in third in the five-legged race.
Frasier: You would think they'd let him win on his birthday.
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
As Frasier enters he hears Daphne on the phone to her mother.
Daphne: I know, mum, but it is my wedding. I've given into you on so
many things. Couldn't this one thing go my way? [pause] I
just don't like those tiny corns in my salad. [pause] No,
I don't hate you. [pause] Well, that's just not true. I'm
glad you're alive. [pause] All right, all right, tiny corn
it is. I've got to run now, cheery bye. [hangs up] That was
mum, she had a thought about the salad.
Frasier: Something tells me yesterday's crouton skirmish wasn't the
end of it.
Daphne: I suppose she can be a bit overbearing. But as she often
points out, she is paying for the wedding and I am her only
daughter and giving birth to me was so painful she did bite
through a kitchen spoon.
Frasier: Daphne, just don't let you mother guilt you into having the
wedding she wants instead of the wedding you want.
Daphne: Oh, don't worry, mum already promised me I could have the
wedding I want, as soon as I have a daughter who gets
engaged.
Daphne exits to her bedroom. Frasier enters the kitchen where he
finds Martin with a box of jerky.
Frasier: Hiya, dad.
Martin: Oh, Fras'. You'll love this stuff I got from the farmer's
market. This guy takes the juiciest cut of filet mignon,
slices it real thin and makes jerky out of it.
Frasier: Look dad, I don't...
Martin throws it into his mouth, you can tell he is disgusted.
Frasier: Yes, if only I had a nice powdered Cabernet to go with it.
Listen, have you given any thought to Daphne's wedding
present?
Martin: Now Frasier, not everyone likes jerky as much as you and me.
Frasier: No, I just want to get her something special, especially
since her mother seems to be taking all the joy out of it
for her.
Martin: Oh, well, how about a nice piece of luggage? You know, a
good hard suitcase, like the kind people used to put stickers
on to show everybody where they've been. Remember your
grandad's? His whole life was on it: Topeka, Sioux Falls,
Biloxi... it was like a map of the world.
Frasier: What a loss to us all that he failed to write his memoirs.
I'm thinking of something that would matter to Daphne.
[hiccups] Oh, something that shows her how we feel.
[hiccups] Good Lord, that's a little spicy, isn't it? [gets a
bottle of water from fridge] You know, maybe we should get
something for her wedding.
Martin: Like what?
Frasier: Well, I don't know, her flowers, say? That's it, we could
offer to pay for her wedding flowers.
Martin: That's a bit pricy, isn't it?
Frasier: Well don't worry about it, dad. [hiccups] You just donate
what you can and I'll pay for the rest. [hiccups] God, what
was in that jerky?
Martin: Well, you just ate it too fast. Next time you have to savour
it a little.
Frasier: Dad, I'm never going to taste that vile stuff again.
[hiccups] Oh, spoke too soon.
Frasier enters the room to find Daphne.
Frasier: Daphne, may I have a word with you, please?
Daphne: What is it, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Well, it's about you wedding gift. Now, I know it's not
traditionally the role of a friend but we consider you
family, so please don't say no. Dad and I would be honoured
to pay for your wedding... [hiccups]
Daphne: [taking it in:] Pay for my wedding?
Frasier: [holds out his hand but hiccups]
Daphne: How wonderful! [hugs a hiccuping Frasier:] I could never
imagine.
Martin enters with the jerky.
Martin: What's all the hubbub?
Daphne: Dr. Crane, just told me about your incredible wedding
present. You people are heaven-sent.
Martin: Well, I'm glad you like it. You know what, we're going to
throw in a piece of luggage as well.
Daphne: [tearful:] I'm just so overwhelmed.
Daphne exits to the kitchen.
Martin: See, I told you, everybody loves luggage.
Frasier: Dad, she thinks we're paying for her whole wedding.
Martin: What?
Frasier: Well, I tried to say wedding flowers, but then I hiccuped.
Martin: Well, I'm not paying for her wedding.
Frasier: Of course not, I'm just going to clear this whole thing up
right now before it goes any further. [calls] Daphne!
Daphne enters.
Daphne: You know what this means, don't you? Now that mum's not paying,
she can't make me have it in England. I can have my wedding
how I want it, where I want it: right here. You've answered
my prayers. [crys in delight and exits back to kitchen]
Frasier and Martin look at each other. The doorbell sounds.
Daphne: [o.s:] Could someone let Donny in?
Martin: Well look, Donny's a very traditional guy. He's not going
to let us pay for his wedding.
Frasier: Right, you saw how he proposed to her; on bended knee.
He's nothing but a hopless romantic.
And so Frasier opens the door to hear Donny on the phone saying:
Donny: Any idiot knows you've got to pay a hooker in cash! I'm at a
meeting, I'll call you later, bye. [hangs up and greets the
rest] I've got this client, he's in the middle of a divorce,
right, and his wife finds all these charges from this place
called "Executive Match." It turns out to be a call girl
service. When she gets through with him she'll have his house,
his car, she'd have his beach house too if I hadn't already
taken it. Women!
Then Daphne bursts in and hugs Donny, still excited.
Donny: Hi, honey.
Daphne: Hi sweetie. [kisses him:] Have they told you yet?
Donny: Told me what?
Daphne: You're not going to believe this, but Dr. Crane and his
father have offered to pay for our entire wedding.
Donny: [takes it in] Is this a joke?
Frasier: It could be.
Donny: I mean, it's one thing for us to let your family pay, they're
your parents, it's traditional. But this is...
Frasier: Going too far? Being presumptuous?
Martin: Yeah, we don't want to step on any toes.
Daphne: I didn't think you'd be uncomftable with this.
Frasier: Well, he clearly is, Daphne.
Martin: Donny's right! We're not family.
Frasier and Martin try to get out of it until Donny realises his bad
manners.
Donny: Wait, wait, wait, what am I doing? Here you guys, you're
making this lovely gesture and I'm just insulting you. I mean
if you guys are not family to Daphne, then who is? Course you
can pay for the wedding. Thank you, thank you.
Donny hugs Frasier and Martin who cringe at the thought of the cost.
Daphne: I just knew he'd see how much this meant to you. I'm tearing
up again.
Donny: No, don't start with the water works because you're going to
get me going. [noitces jerky] What's this? Jerky? Can I
have some of that?
Martin: Help yourself.
Donny: [reads box:] Made from filet mignon. How much did this stuff
set you back?
Frasier: You have no idea!
End of Act One.
Act Two.
Scene One - Café Nervosa.
Daphne is going through her plans for the wedding with Frasier.
Daphne: Now, as far as the reception goes, I've narrowed it down to
two places. I'm leaning towards "Captain Jonah's." The view
of the water's lovely. But you have to walk through a whale's
mouth to get inside.
Frasier: I hesitate to ask how you exit.
Daphne: I've got to run. I've a meeting with the DJ.
Daphne leaves. The woman seated behind Frasier, covering her head
with a newspaper puts her read down, revealing herself as Roz. She
comes over.
Roz: I thought she'd never leave!
Frasier: Good God, Roz, how long have you been there?
Roz: Since you two walked in and trapped me.
Frasier: Aren't you taking this a bit too far just trying to avoid an
unflattering dress?
Roz: Yeah, I thought you'd say that. That's why I've been
carrying around this picture of the last time I was a
bridesmaid.
Roz hands her photo to Frasier.
Frasier: Good Lord, Roz, you look like you've been tented for
termites.
Roz whips the photo back again.
Roz: Well, it sounds like she's having fun planning her wedding.
Frasier: Yes, well, now that she can have things her way and not her
mother's.
Roz: She's lucky you came along.
Frasier: Well, yes and no. You know, I sit here and let her make
questionable choices and I say nothing because I know it's
going to cost me less. I'm sorry, I've got to change my
thinking about this whole thing. What good is my money, if
I'm denying her the best gift I have to offer: my taste and
expertise? Frankly, what Daphne really deserves is the gift
of Frasier.
Roz: Suddenly that crock pot I'm giving them doesn't sound so
bad.
Frasier: Oh, shut up!
Roz exits as Niles appears from the back of the café with a
delightful smile upon his face.
Frasier: Hello, Niles. You look like a man who's been waiting to be
asked why he's grinning.
Niles: Oh, I was just thinking about the other day when you said
how you thought dating services were all a big con. Well, I
just got conned into meeting the most enchanting woman.
Frasier: I don't know what to say.
Niles: And I owe it all to "Executive Match."
Frasier: Now I do. The name of this service is "Executive Match?"
Niles: Right, and you thought these women all beneath me.
Frasier: Beneath you and countless others. Niles, do you have any
idea...
Then Sabrina walks in. She looks like the average ditzy blonde. She
is on her cell phone. Niles calls her, but Sabrina signals him to pipe
down and she'll be with him in a second.
Niles: She's always on the phone. Whatever it is she does for a
living, she's in great demand.
Frasier: So you have no idea what line of work Sabrina's in.
Niles: I'm guessing high-priced lawyer. I heard her quote her
hourly rate on the phone. Believe me, you don't want to be on
the receiving end of that bill. [laughs]
Frasier: Niles, I feel I must warn you...
Niles: Oh please, spare me your condescending advice. Why can't you
simply say you were wrong?
Frasier: You have no idea what you're doing!
Niles: I know exactly what I'm doing! And you could learn a thing
or two from me, Mister One-Date-And It's Over. I am taking
it slow with Sabrina.
Frasier: You mean you haven't?
Niles: ...haven't?
Frasier: Haven't...
Niles: Oh, please! Are you mad, you don't proposition a woman like
that on the first date. Last night, I dropped her home after
dinner with nothing more than a courtly kiss on the wrist.
Tonight may proceed to hand holding. If all goes well, in
two weeks I shall storm the citadel of her womanhood.
Sabrina comes over. Niles stands and kisses her wrist.
Niles: Sabrina, this is Frasier.
Frasier: Hello, lovely to meet you.
Sabrina: Nice to meet you. You really have a great brother. He's
charming and witty and intelligent and handsome. [laughs]
Niles: I paid her to say that. [laughs]
Frasier: Of course you did!
THE GIFT OF FRASIER
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
The room is full of things for the wedding. The dinner table is
complete with table clothes, flowers and food. There is a harp
next to the piano. Frasier is just showing the flourist out as
the doorbell sounds. He opens the door to the dove man (who has
a box of doves with him) and Daphne.
Frasier: Finally, the doves have arrived. Come in, come in. [he does]
[to flourist] Lathbert, thank you so much for coming, lovely
flowers, I'll let you know.
Daphne: [enters and closes door] Dr. Crane, was that the flourist
for my wedding?
Frasier: In his dreams! God, the man's arrangements are one big
cliché. Look at this, his answer to everything is baby's
breath, baby's breath, baby's breath. [points to flowers]
Daphne: Does that woman with the harp have something to do with my
wedding too?
Frasier: No, Daphne, she's selling them door to door. Of course it's
for your wedding. She's auditioning.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really don't think...
Then Martin enters from his room.
Martin: Oh good, Daphne, you're here too. Listen, I want to show you
guys a little something I thought up for the wedding. [acting
as a minister:] It is now the time in the ceremony for the
rings. May I have them, please?
Eddie runs in with a little basket containing two rings. He runs up
and jumps on the couch, allowing Martin to take them.
Martin: Course, it's a lot more effective when he's in his little
tux.
Frasier: Dad, please, it's all just a bit much, isn't it? We don't
want to turn this wedding into a circus. Now, the dove man.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves...
Frasier: Just picture it, Daphne. Aren't they something? As you and
Donny exit the church one dozen white birds of peace will be
released and circle above. Of course, we'll use fourteen in
actuality - the power lines always take out a few.
Frasier lets the dove man out.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves, well it just seems a little
grand. I mean, what's wrong with throwing a bit of rice?
Frasier: Well, if you want rice, of course, you'll have rice. [then]
Sometimes it seems nothing I do is good enough.
Daphne: No, no, no, I suppose doves will be fine.
Martin: [noticed a reverend in the kitchen] Frasier, is that
Reverend Franklin in the kitchen?
Fraiser: Yes it is, dad.
Martin: You're auditioning our minister for the wedding?
Daphne: Don't you think Donny and I should have a say in who marries
us?
Frasier: Of course, Daphne, I'm just whittling down the possibilites.
The final choice is yours.
Chef Marco then enters with some cooked mushrooms from the kitchen.
Marco: Who's tasting the first course?
Frasier: Oh, that would me. [Marco exits]
Daphne: Who's that?
Frasier: That's Chef Marco from the Mercer Club, Daphne. Today we'll
be sampling each of our four courses.
Daphne: No, I was planning on serving a buffet. That way people can
mingle, it's more festive.
Frasier: We are talking about your wedding, not brunch with all the
fixin's at "Billy Bob's Blackjack Boomtown."
The doorbell sounds. Frasier opens the door to Niles on the arm of
Sabrina.
Niles: Hello, Frasier, you remember Sabrina.
Frasier: Yes, of course, lovely to see you. Niles, what are you doing
here?
Niles: Oh, we're out for an afternoon of bird watching. It's the
start of mating season, you know. [winks at Frasier] Just
wanted to introduce my new girlfriend to dad. Dad, this is
Sabrina.
They give their greetings.
Martin: [impressed:] Hey, nice to meet you.
Sabrina: Nice to meet you too. I should really call my office, about
how long do you think we'll be gone?
Niles: Er, about eight hours.
Sabrina: Great!
Sabrina goes off to the hallway as Frasier responds to Sabrina's last
remark. The doorbell sounds again. Daphne answers it to Roz, who
tries to get away quickly. She has papers in her hand.
Roz: Oh, Daphne, I didn't know you were going to be here. I just
want to drop these off for Frasier. [hands them to her]
Daphne: Roz, I'm glad you dropped by, I need to talk to you about my
wedding. Do you mind if we speak in the hallway?
Roz: Actually, I don't have much time.
Daphne: [follows her into hallway and shuts door behind her] Well,
then I'll get right to it.
However the elevator opens to a delivery man with a dress.
Deliveryman: Excuse me, do you know where Dr. Crane lives?
Daphne: Right here, can I help you?
Deliveryman: I'm dropping off this bridesmaid dress.
Daphne: Oh, I'll take that. I'm the bride.
The delivery man goes back down in the elevator. As Daphne goes on
with her speech, Roz examines the beautiful silk wedding dress. Roz
is hardly listening to Daphne.
Daphne: What I need to ask you is, how do you ever get Dr. Crane to
listen to you...
Roz: Is this the bridesmaid dress...
Daphne: He's driving me mad. He doesn't listen to anything I say...
Roz: The woman you ask to be bridesmaid gets to wear this...
Daphne: And the worst part is...
Roz: Is that silk...
Daphne: Well, he's just like my mother, controlling and stubborn.
I mean, what am I going to do?
Roz: [then] Well, Daphne, it's your wedding. Just tell Frasier how
you feel.
Daphne: Yeah, well that's a bit difficult for me. You see, there was
no talking to my mother. Anytime I sort of tried all I hear
is "Just do it my way, you'll thank me later." Everytime she
said that I just wanted to explode.
Roz: Look, Frasier's a reasonable guy. Just go in there and be
direct.
Daphne: You're right, I'm going to and... Roz, I was going to ask you
if you wanted to be one of my bridesmaids?
Roz: [obvious acting] Oh my God, are you serious? This is coming
out of nowhere. I'd love to.
They hug.
Daphne: Don't worry. Once I'm in charge you won't have to wear this
thing Dr. Crane picked out. I mean, he calls this a
bridesmaid dress! The sleeves aren't even puffy.
Daphne enters the apartment as Roz angrily presses the lift button.
Meanwhile, Martin and Sabrina are chatting away.
Martin: So, how long have you guys been seeing each other?
Sabrina: Let's see. Since we've met it's been about seventeen, no,
eighteen hours.
Niles: She actually counts the minutes we've been together.
Frasier: Niles, may I see you in the kitchen?
Niles: Excuse me.
Frasier heads to the kitchen with Niles. Daphne stops them.
Daphne: [confronting] Dr. Crane, I need to talk to you.
Frasier: Not now, Daphne.
Daphne: [nervous] All right.
Niles and Frasier enter the kitchen.
Niles: All right, what is it?
Frasier: Niles, it's about Sabrina. She's a prostitute.
Niles: Frasier, I don't like lawyers anymore than you do, but
frankly a man whose face is plastered on every bus in town
should be careful what terms he bandies about.
Frasier: Niles! "Executive Match" is an escort service. One of
Donny's clients was caught using them.
Niles: I don't believe you.
Frasier: Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say, is she
fascinated by everything about you, even your collections?
Niles: Well, yes. Actually, I even showed her my rarely seen
collection of eighteenth century Portuguese bud faces.
Frasier: And how did she react?
Niles: Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she
loved a man who collected porcelain and- [clicks] Oh my God!
I'm dating a whore! They have my credit card number, I've
been running up a tab! [looks at watch and calculates bill]
I've got to get her out of here!
Niles rushes into the living room with Frasier. The gang are in with
Reverend Franklin.
Niles: Sabrina, we should be going.
Martin: What's the hurry? We're having a nice conversation.
Sabrina: Yeah, I love your dad.
Frasier: Did I mention he used to be a police officer?
Sabrina: Maybe we should go. [gets up]
Franklin: Surely you can stay a little while, I haven't seen Niles in
ages. [to Sabrina:] You know, I used to teach him in Sunday
school.
Martin: Oh, you know Reverend, I can still remember dropping him off
for his first class. It seems like only yesterday.
Suddenly harp music begins playing. The type that is used in movies
when they are having a flashback. Everybody thinks this weird and
starts looking around only to find it to be the harp player
auditioning.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, I believe I have chosen your boquet. [picks one
up] It's hand-woven out of pygmy orchids.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really need to talk to you.
Frasier: Well, of course, Daphne. First let's sample the Porcinni
mushrooms. They're exquisite.
Daphne: But I don't like mushrooms!
Frasier: You only think you don't, you haven't tried these.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, this is really...
Frasier: Try this for me, you'll thank me later.
Daphne: [bursts angrily] You'll thank me later?! I've heard that my
whole life, well, no more! [chasing Frasier round the room]
I'm doing my wedding my way. And if that means I want rice
instead of dove and a DJ instead of a harp, then that's what
I'll have. I don't want your advice, I don't want your money
and I don't want your mushrooms. I'm in charge of this
wedding now. [picks up boquet] And what kind of a git walks
down the aisle carrying something of pygmy orchids!
Daphne throws the boquet angrily and marches off to her room. Sabrina
catches the boquet and links her arm with Niles. The two are now
standing in front of Reverend Franklin as the harp player strikes up
Handel's "Wedding March." Niles takes the boquet and throws them on
the floor. They all look at him.
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment.
Later that day, Martin and Eddie are sat at the dinner table as
Frasier walks back from a visit to Daphne's room.
Martin: Is she all right?
Frasier: She's fine. We had a nice talk.
Martin: Well, that's good. Wedding still on track?
Frasier: Absolutely.
Martin: You just got a little carried away, that's all.
Frasier: Oh, I guess so, yeah. You know, it suddenly occured to me
when I was talking to Daphne that I never really got the
wedding of my dreams either. Oh sure, you know, my first one
was a little clandestine we dashed off at the city hall. I
could have hardly imagined a wedding more lacking in
ceremony. Until my second wedding, which was lacking a bride.
Then came Lilith. If I knew then what I know now, I would
have walked down the aisle with the ice sculpture and had
her stand by the buffet table to keep the shrimp cold.
Martin: Oh, so you've had a few bad weddings.
Frasier: I guess I was just taking my last best shot at the wedding I
shall never have for myself.
Martin: Oh, come on.
Frasier: Oh, let's face it, dad: I'm no spring chicken. Do you really
see me getting married again?
Martin: Well, I guess I've had my doubts, but right here, right now,
I think: yeah, you're going to meet someone.
Frasier: Do you really think so?
Martin: Yes I do and I'll tell you why. If Niles can meet a great
gal like Sabrina, then there's hope for all of us.
End of Act Two.
Credits:
Café Nervosa - Roz pretends enthusiasm as Daphne shows her the
bridesmaid dress of her choice -- emerald green satin, puffy sleeves
and gold bows. It's hideous. Roz maintains a cheerful front till
Daphne turns her back, then she collapses in tears.
Guest Appearances
Special Guest Stars
SAUL RUBINEK as Donny
Guest Starring
LORYN LOCKLIN as Sabrina
WILSON BELL as Marco
GREG CALLAHAN as Rev. Franklin
KIPP SHIOTANI as delivery guy
Synopsis {kathy churay}
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE - CAFE NERVOSA - DAY
Frasier is leafing through catalogs at a table as Roz comes in.
Intrigued, she pulls up a chair as Frasier tells her he's looking for
the perfect wedding gift for Daphne and Donny. Roz observes glumly
that she'll probably be asked to be a bridesmaid and forced to wear a
hideous dress. Frasier tries half-heartedly to convince her that
perhaps Daphne won't ask, but Roz isn't buying it. She wanders off
glumly to get a coffee.
Niles comes into the cafe and dusts off Roz's chair to sit down,
recounting as he does so his just-ended disastrous date with a woman
he met at a department store. She is, he shudders, a cat person --
one who brought her cat on their date because it was the cat's
surprise birthday party. Frasier encourages him to keep trying, and
Niles replies very matter-of-factly that with Daphne getting married,
he has no choice. His new plan is to try an introduction service
recommended by a male friend at their health club. Frasier tries to
persuade him that such services take advantage of the desperate and
lonely, and rarely produce any results, but Niles is determined.
SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S APARTMENT - LATER
Daphne is on the phone arguing with her mother about salad as Frasier
comes home. Hanging up, she explains that her mother is full of
advice and plans for the wedding, since she's paying for it. Frasier
advises Daphne not to let her mother guilt her into changing her
whole idea of what the wedding should be, but Daphne isn't convinced.
She exits to her room as Frasier goes into the kitchen, where he
finds Martin munching on some beef jerky made from filet mignon.
Frasier has no chance to decline a sample as Martin pops it
unexpectedly into Frasier's mouth. As Frasier chews he broaches the
idea of a joint wedding gift to Martin, who thinks a piece of luggage
is a good idea. But Frasier, who has developed a sudden case of
hiccups from the beef jerky, grabs for a bottled water as he tells
Martin that Daphne should be allowed to have the kind of wedding she
wants, not what her mother wants. He proposes that he and Martin
should pay for the wedding flowers. Martin protests the cost, but
Frasier argues that Martin should give what he can, and Frasier will
pay for the rest.
Still hiccuping, Frasier heads to the living room with his bottled
water, where he runs into Daphne. He explains that he and his father
would be honored to pay for the wedding -- but is interrupted by
hiccups before he can say "flowers". Daphne, of course,
misunderstands that they want to pay for the whole wedding. She is
overjoyed and hugs Martin enthusiastically as he comes in, before she
rushes off to the kitchen.
Martin is aghast when Frasier tells him about the misunderstanding.
Frasier vows he will clear it up immediately, but when he calls
Daphne back into the living room, she can hardly speak for tearful
gratitude. At last she will have the wedding she wants, instead of
letting her mother run the show. She declares the Cranes are the
answer to her prayers, and rushes off to her room in tears. Frasier
and Martin begin to panic, but Frasier points out that surely Donny
will never let them pay for the wedding. He's not only a
traditionalist, but a hopeless romantic. Just then the doorbell
rings, and Frasier goes to answer it.
It's Donny the hopeless romantic, on his cell phone telling a client
bluntly that "any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash." As he
hangs up he explains that the client, in the midst of a divorce,
stupidly ran up credit card charges at an escort service called
Executive Match. Now his wife is trying to take him for everything
she can in the divorce. "Women!" exclaims Donny disgustedly.
Daphne runs in and tells Donny about the Cranes' offer to pay for the
wedding. Donny is taken aback, and Frasier and Martin eagerly try to
capitalize on his hesitation and back out of the offer. But Daphne
is crestfallen and Donny relents, admitting that the Cranes are like
family to her. Martin and Frasier glumly depart to give Donny and
Daphne some privacy.
ACT TWO
SCENE ONE - CAFE NERVOSA - MORNING
Frasier is trying to listen patiently as Daphne explains her plan to
hold the reception at Captain Jonah's, a whale-shaped restaurant on
the waterfront. He rolls his eyes at her gaucherie as she rushes off
for a meeting with a DJ, and Roz emerges from behind a newspaper at
the next table. She's been hiding there since Daphne and Frasier
came in, trying to avoid Daphne so she won't be asked to be a
bridesmaid.
Frasier observes disgustedly that he's been sitting and listening to
Daphne make bad choices about her wedding, and not trying to dissuade
her because he knows it will cost less than the kind of wedding he
would prefer. He decides that the best gift he could give her is the
gift of his taste and expertise in arranging the wedding. Roz is
disgusted and takes her leave.
Niles comes over from the coffee bar carrying his cappucino and
wearing a satisfied grin. Frasier dutifully asks him about his good
mood, and Niles replies smugly that he's just met the most enchanting
woman through his new dating service -- Executive Match. Frasier
starts to break the bad news, but he is interrupted by the arrival of
Sabrina, Niles's new girlfriend. She waves to Niles but continues to
chat away on her cell phone.
Niles observes to Frasier that whatever it is she does for a living,
she's in great demand. Once again Frasier tries to warn him off, but
Niles thinks Frasier is just being jealous. Frasier delicately
inquires how far the relationship has gone, and Niles is aghast to
think that he would proposition such a charming woman on a first
date. His plan is to proceed very slowly, and perhaps after two
weeks he will have the opportunity to "storm the citadel of her
womanhood." Sabrina finally arrives at the table and introductions
are made. Sabrina is full of compliments on Niles's charm, wit,
intelligence and good looks. Niles beams as Frasier rolls his eyes
knowingly.
SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT DAY
Frasier opens the door to usher in a man bearing doves for the
wedding and usher out a prospective florist who has clearly not made
the grade. Daphne follows him inside and looks around in bewilderment
at a living room that's turned into a food and beverage trade show.
The dining table is set with an elegant white tablecloth, place
settings of fine china, and the chic sample flower arrangement. A
harpist is set up near the piano to audition, and a caterer sweeps
out of the kitchen bearing the first of four sample courses he's
prepared for Frasier to taste. She protests weakly as Martin enters
from the bedroom, announces a great surprise he's planned for the
wedding, and begins to conduct a mock wedding ceremony. As he asks
for the rings, Eddie trots in from the bedroom carrying a tiny basket
and playing the part of the ring bearer.
Daphne tries to tell Frasier she doesn't want to release doves at the
end of the ceremony -- just a little throwing of rice will do.
Frasier gets into one of his patented snits, complaining that nothing
he does seems to be good enough. Daphne backs down, until Martin
points out that Frasier has even invited the family's minister to
talk to them. She protests a bit more loudly that she and Donny
should have a say in who marries them. The caterer chooses this
moment to enter from the kitchen with the first of four courses for
tasting, and Daphne objects that she wants to have a buffet so people
can mingle and be more festive. Frasier is not amused.
The doorbell rings and it's Niles, accompanied by Sabrina. They're
headed off to an afternoon of bird watching, and Sabrina is
particularly pleased to learn that they'll be gone for about eight
hours. Niles introduces her to Martin, who is clearly impressed with
Niles's ability to meet women. Just then Roz shows up with
invitations for Frasier to look over, and Daphne drags her out into
the hallway for a desperate private conversation.
SCENE THREE - THE HALLWAY
Daphne begs Roz to tell her how to get Frasier to listen to her, and
Roz is trying to get away before she's asked to serve as bridesmaid.
She changes her mind quickly, however, when a delivery man shows up
with a drop-dead gorgeous bridesmaid's dress of fine white silk. She
advises Daphne to tell Frasier how she feels and not let herself be
ordered around. Daphne stiffens her spine and agrees, asking Roz
almost as an afterthought to be a bridesmaid. Roz fakes surprise but
doesn't have to pretend enthusiasm at the thought of wearing the
elegant dresses, and leaves after promising to stand up in the
wedding.
SCENE FOUR - THE APARTMENT
Daphne returns to the apartment, where Martin is asking Sabrina how
long she and Niles have known each other. Sabrina replies with great
satisfaction that it's been all of 18 hours now. Frasier has had
enough and drags Niles off to the kitchen for a talk.
In the kitchen he grills Niles about Sabrina. Niles replies
indignantly that Sabrina is fascinated by everything about him, and
even seems to have been aroused by the sight of his collection of
18th century Portugese bud vases. This last observation cracks his
denial, and he realizes with horror that Executive Match is running
up an enormous tab on his credit card. Niles rushes back into the
living room and suggests to Sabrina that they leave. She is having
fun talking to Martin, but her cheer evaporates when Frasier observes
pointedly that Martin used to be a police officer and she rises to
leave.
Fraiser chooses this moment to tell Daphne that he has chosen her
bouquet, but Daphne isn't in the mood. He ignores her and attempts
to sit her down to taste the sample wedding dinner, but this time she
doesn't budge. She launches into a furious tirade at Frasier and
ends by throwing the bouquet across the room, where it's caught by a
pleased Sabrina.
SCENE FIVE - THE APARTMENT - LATER
Martin is alone at the table, nibbling on the sample dinner as
Frasier enters from Daphne's room. They've had a long talk and
peace has been made. The wedding is back on track. Martin reassures
Frasier that he just got a little carried away, and Frasier ruefully
admits that he may have been frustrated that he never got the wedding
he wanted for himself. Martin reassures Frasier that he's sure to
meet someone. If Niles can meet a wonderful woman like Sabrina,
anything is possible.
FADE OUT.
EPISODE TAG - CAFE NERVOSA.
Roz pretends enthusiasm as Daphne shows her the bridesmaid dress of
her choice -- emerald green satin, puffy sleeves and gold bows. It's
hideous. Roz maintains a cheerful front till Daphne turns her back,
then she collapses in tears.
Thanks To...
Transcript written by NICHOLAS HARTLEY
Transcript revised first by MIKE LEE
Synopsis written by KATHY CHURAY
Additional Materials by NICHOLAS HARTLEY
Edited by NICHOLAS HARTLEY
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by "The Frasier Files".
This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright
of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
