The First Temptation of Daphne Written by Gayle Abrams
Directed by Kelsey Grammer
=====================================================================
Production Code: 9.3
Episode Number In Production Order: 196
Episode Filmed On: 17th September 2001
Original Airdate on NBC: 2nd October 2001
Transcript written on 7th October 2001
Cast List [in order of appearance]
DAPHNE MOON...............................................JANE LEEVES
MARTIN CRANE.............................................JOHN MAHONEY
NILES CRANE.........................................DAVID HYDE PIERCE
EDDIE...........................................................MOOSE
FRASIER CRANE..........................................KELSEY GRAMMER
ROZ DOYLE.................................................PERI GILPIN
MARY HART.....................................................HERSELF
ASSISTANT....................................................VIC CHAO
HEATHER MURPHY......................................MICHELLE STAFFORD
Transcript {Nick H}
[Act One]
RECIPE FOR DISASTER
[Scene One - Frasier's Apartment.
Niles is setting the table for dinner. The doorbell sounds before
Daphne answers it. Martin, weighed down with hunting gear, is
revealed.]
Daphne: Hey!
Martin: [grumbling] Thanks, Daph'.
Niles: He-hey, Dad!
[Eddie runs to him.]
Martin: Hey, boy. You missed me, huh?
Daphne: So, how was your trip, Mr. Crane?
Martin: Oh, the hunting was awful. I didn't bag a damned thing.
[hangs up his coat] Duke and I sat there for two days just
waiting for something to happen. It's like when Frasier took
me to see "Nicholas Nickleby". Thank God this time I had a
gun!
Niles: Dinner is almost ready. Shall I set you a place or would it
make you feel better to go out and shoot your own eggplant?
[Martin sits down before Frasier enters through the front door
looking characteristically annoyed and bewildered at Martin's hunting
gear, which are laid on the floor.]
Frasier: Dad, what have I told you about bivouacking in the entrance
way?
Martin: I'm sorry.
Frasier: Well, how was your hunting trip?
Martin: Oh, came home empty handed.
Frasier: Oh, dear. I guess that means for the next several weeks
we'll hear you grouse about the grouse and carp about the
carp. [laughs at his own joke as he carries Martin's bags
over to the hallway]
Niles: You've been working on that, haven't you?
Frasier: Well there was traffic!
[Frasier exits to Martin's room with the bags in tow. A ping is then
heard from the kitchen.]
Niles: Oh, Daphne - I have to take the roast out of the oven. I need
the recipe for the glaze. Could you get it? It's in my
briefcase; in the "Burnt Sienna" coloured folder.
Daphne: No problem.
[Niles exits to the kitchen]
Martin: [helping her out] Brown. But don't tell anyone I know that.
[Daphne follows his instructions. Frasier re-enters]
Frasier: Dad - sorry to hear your trip was a bust.
Martin: Oh, it's all right, it wasn't so bad. You know, the worst
day of hunting still beats the best day of working.
Frasier: You don't work either!
[Daphne, holding the folder, walks downstage. Something seems to take
her attention.]
Martin: You don't think it's work talking to you?! Duke on the other
hand is a lot of fun. You know he can fit twenty-seven
marshmallows into his mouth at one time.
[A cricket is heard distinctly from within the apartment. Daphne and
Frasier look around.]
Frasier: What was that?
Martin: What was what?
[The cricket sounds again. Frasier flinches.]
Frasier: That! That's a cricket.
Martin: How did that get in here?
Frasier: It must have stowed away in your gear; get rid of it!
Martin: Oh, don't worry - Eddie'll take care of it. Terriers are
born hunters. [puts him down] Go get him, boy.
[Eddie responds to Martin's orders by chasing his tale round and
round and round and....]
[...Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Niles has taken the roast out of the
oven. Daphne enters looking rather uneasy, evidently from reading his
files.]
Daphne: So.... This woman is in love with you.
Niles: [concentrating on the roast] What?
Daphne: Heather Murphy. Says right here she's obsessed with you.
Niles: [realising] Oh, wrong file - you're not supposed to look at
that.
Daphne: Yeah, I can see why. And when were you planning on telling me
about this?
Niles: [out of pure honesty] Em, never. [taking the files] These are
session notes, they're confidential.
Daphne: But she is in love with you?
Niles: First of all I can't discuss the woman in this file... which,
by the way, is clearly amber and not "Burnt Sienna"! I can
tell you that it's very common for patients to displace
feelings they have for someone else onto their psychiatrist.
It's called transference. So even if a patient thinks she
might be in love with me, she really isn't. And usually those
feelings disappear as therapy progresses. Okay?
Daphne: Okay.
[Pause]
Daphne: So how did she tell you? Did she come on to you? Did she try
and kiss you?
Niles: I can't tell you.
Daphne: All right. I understand. Your little secret.
Niles: [waves his hands apologetically]
Daphne: Just blink. Once for yes and twice for no.
[Frasier enters in search of the dreaded cricket. Martin enters with
him.]
Frasier: I think it's coming from in here.
Niles: What?
Frasier: Dad has brought home a cricket!
Niles: [genuine fear] A cricket?! Get behind me, Daphne.
[Frasier sees something on the floor.]
Frasier: Everybody freeze! Don't move a muscle!
[Frasier, with small gestures, points to its position of the floor.
Suddenly he makes his move. He stamps. Everyone holds their breath.
Frasier removes his foot before proudly announcing...]
Frasier: Well, I hope that cricket saw what I just did to this
toasted almond!
[Frasier exits as the rest peer over the squashed nut.]
[Scene Two - Café Nervosa.
Frasier, munching away at a scone, is whining to Roz about the
cricket. They are sat at a front table.]
Frasier: I tell you, Roz, it was the worst night of my life. Just as
I begin to doze off, the damned cricket would start
strigilating again. Honestly, have you any idea what it's
like to be awaken intermittently throughout an entire
night?!
Roz: I have a three year old, I can't remember the last time I
slept through a night.
Frasier: Yes, of course, but this constant chirping and chirping,
over and over, really you can't imagine it.
Roz: Really? Did the cricket crawl into bed with you? Did the
cricket throw up on you?
Frasier: Gee, I wish I had a three year old so I could win every
argument!
[Daphne enters the café and greets Frasier and Roz.]
Roz: Hey, Daphne.
Daphne: Hey, Roz.
Frasier: Oh, hi, Daph'.
Daphne: Dr. Crane. [sits with them] Oh, that scone looks good.
Frasier: Yes, well, it's all right. They call it "Nervosa Berry", but
I'm convinced it's just yesterday's banana. I have half a
mind to have a discussion with someone about it.
Daphne: [agreeable] You should. [here's the reason why] So what do
you know about transference?
Frasier: Hm? Oh, more than most.
Daphne: Is it true that patients can actually fall in love with
their therapists?
Frasier: Oh, yes, yes, as a matter of fact it's quite common. You
see, in a therapeutic setting a doctor's empathy can be
misconstrued as romantic interest especially when the
patient is of a particularly vulnerable nature.
Daphne: But therapists never return those feelings, right?
Frasier: [contemplating, perhaps with Diane in mind] Well, they're
not supposed to. But it does happen. Eh, well, I mean, think
about it really, it's... we are human. Transference can be
very, very powerful. I remember back in my days of private
practice, uh, I did have my share of female adulation.
Roz: Oh my God, were you able to cure them?
Frasier: [gives her a look] I'm not a miracle worker, Roz!
[Roz smells the scone - evidently wishing to get rid of him for a
while.]
Roz: Do you smell bananas?
Frasier: I knew it! You smell it too! [to a passing waiter] Excuse
me. This day old scone is fooling no-one. [the waiter
passes, Frasier stands in anger] Don't you walk away from
me. Don't you dare walk away from me.
[Frasier chases the waiter offstage into the kitchen.]
Roz: Okay, so who is she?
Daphne: Who's who?
Roz: Niles' patient?
Daphne: All right. I saw one of his files by mistake. The woman is
madly in love with him.
Roz: So who is she?
Daphne: Her name is Heather Murphy.
Roz: Heather, huh? That's trouble. What else do you know?
Daphne: That it's. I only got a quick look at the files.
Roz: So what are you going to do?
Daphne: Nothing. Niles said he can't talk about his patients. So,
what choice do I have? I should trust him.
Roz: If I found out some babe was after my guy I would have to
know everything about her. What she looks like, her
profession, what she's being treated for.
Daphne: Yeah, I don't think that's relevant.
Roz: What if she's a sex addict?
Daphne: You can be treated for that?
Roz: [cynical] So they say.
CLASH OF THE TITANS
[Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment.
The cricket is heard. When the scene fades in, Frasier is battering
the kitchen worktops with a fly swatter. Martin enters, evidently
used to his hunt madness by now.]
Frasier: [unsuccessful] Damn it!
Martin: Oh, geez, are you still at it? Why don't you go in your
room? You won't even hear the thing if you close the door.
Frasier: Close my door?! And just concede defeat. I know, here's a
better idea: I'll just move out and let him have the run of
the place! That's good, I'll have two apartments; One for
me, one for my cricket! [off Martin's look] I tried closing
my door, I can still hear it.
[It sounds again.]
Frasier: Dear God, can't you make him shut up?!
Martin: That prayer doesn't get answered around here!
[They enter the living room.]
Frasier: This is your fault! You're the one who brought him here.
Martin: [sits] What's the big deal? If you were paying a ton of
money to stay in some country inn, you'd be loving the sound
of crickets.
Frasier: Yes, well, I love a babbling brook too, but it doesn't mean
I want one surging through my condo! I'm calling an
exterminator!
Martin: No, you can't do that. The chemicals are too dangerous for
Eddie.
Frasier: All right, fine. You have twenty-four hours to get that
intruder out of here or I'm calling; Eddie or no Eddie!
[Once again, the cricket makes his noise.]
Frasier: [looking fearfully back at the kitchen] It taunts me!
[Scene Four - Niles' Bedroom at the Montana.
Daphne is sitting up in bed wearing a black teddy whilst Niles is
getting undressed. She still has worry written on her face.]
Daphne: So, how was your day?
Niles: Fine. Thank you.
Daphne: Why don't you tell me about it?
Niles: What do you mean?
Daphne: You know, couples come home, they talk about their day. Why
don't you ever want to share?
Niles: Well, I... I... suppose I'm not used to it. [sits down on bed
- taking off his shoes] Maris always needed silence to cope
with her chronic migraines, Mel couldn't talk because she'd
be wearing the moulds from her teeth bleaching kit.
Daphne: Well, I'm interested. Why don't you tell me something about
your day?
Niles: Okay. Let me think. [suddenly, excited] I saw the best pair
of driving gloves!
Daphne: [less interested than him] That's good. Anything else?
Niles: I had a cob salad for lunch. [beat] You're right, that was
fun. [stands] Okay, I'm going to go; brush my teeth. I'll be
right back.
[Niles exits to his en-suite bathroom.]
Daphne: [still anxious] Okay.
[Daphne turns on the television to take her mind off of the
situation. Mary Hart is presenting "Entertainment Tonight". A Julia
Roberts press photo can be seen.]
Hart: Julia Roberts just signed on for twenty million dollars to play
a woman who falls in love with her psychiatrist. Of course, she
gets him in the end. Sound familiar, Daphne?
[Julia Roberts' photo is exchanging for one of Daphne. N.B.: the
photo used was an old press photo of Jane Leeves from season five.]
Hart: Look in the briefcase, I know I would. And now let's hear the
details...
[Daphne, realising her sub-conscious at work, quickly turns off the
television. She stares longingly at Niles' briefcase, however reaches
for a magazine instead. She opens the magazine just to find a picture
of a briefcase and the words "JUST OPEN IT" stamped underneath it.
She closes the magazine with confusion. She cannot resist any longer.
Daphne gets out of bag, walks to the briefcase and begins to open it.
However, she is interrupted by Niles re-entering wearing his dressing
gown. Daphne quickly turns around and sighs.]
Daphne: Oh, thank God.
Niles: [looks up] What? [smiles]
Daphne: [covering] I missed you.
Niles: Mmm. I missed you too.
[They kiss and hug.]
Niles: Oh, my beeper's going off.
Daphne: Well, let's see what we can do about that!
Niles: It could be an emergency.
[Niles takes the beeper out of his pocket and reads the note.]
Daphne: Who is it?
Niles: [pulls out of the hug] Ooh, uh, it's a patient.
Daphne: That woman?
Niles: I really can't talk about it. Daphne, I'm sorry, I may be a
while. [exits to hallway]
[Daphne goes to the briefcase and slowly opens it. She checks that
Niles is well out of sight before she removes the documents and takes
them onto her lap. She reads with frightened interest.]
[End of Act One]
[Act Two]
[Scene One - Frasier's Apartment.
The following day, Frasier has been trying to have a nap on the sofa
as Martin awakens him. He is holding a shoe-box.]
Frasier: I was trying to. I'm attempting to re-arrange my schedule.
Apparently, His Royal Chirpy-ness is nocturnal, so I have to
be as well.
Martin: Well, I've got the answer to the problem right here in this
box. [lays it down on the table]
Frasier: What, we couldn't squash him with the shoes we already own?
Martin: [taking jacket off] Not shoes. Eddie's vet told me to get a
gecko. It's a cricket-predator. You know, like you get lady-
bugs to eat aphids if somebody would let me grow tomatoes on
the terrace!
Frasier: Dad, I told you, it's a condo board regulation. "No fruiting
plants".
Martin: Whatever. Anyway, just give me a half-an-hour and I'll have
that pesky cricket out of the kitchen and inside this gecko.
Frasier: I see. So we set a lizard loose to catch the cricket?
Martin: Hmm.
Frasier: Then what? We get an owl to eat the gecko?! Then we get a
tiger to eat the owl? [pause] What eats the tiger, dad? Tell
me that!
Martin: An alligator, for one, smart guy! But that's not going to
happen and you know why? Because we put a little harness on
the gecko so it doesn't run away.
[Martin goes over to the small table outside the kitchen. He searches
in the drawer.]
Frasier: [sarcastic] Oh, this just gets better and better.
Martin: I thought I had some twine here.
Frasier: Well, I used it to stabilise a veal shank. Why don't you
just make a little harness out of, uh... dental floss.
Martin: Hey, that's not bad.
Frasier: I wasn't serious. Not my cinnamon waxed!
[But it's too late and Martin's left.]
WHICH FLOOR IS THE
"OTHER WOMAN"
DEPARTMENT?
[Scene Two - Heather Murphy's Office Building.
Roz and Daphne are riding the elevator to Heather's floor.]
Daphne: I've changed my mind, I can't go through with this.
[Roz resists her from pressing the buttons.]
Roz: You have to, Daphne. You know you're not going to sleep until
you see what this Heather looks like.
Daphne: I thought I'd feel better once I'd got a look at her file,
instead I feel worse. She's successful, well travelled, well
educated, what if she's gorgeous too?
Roz: Daphne, you've got this all built up in your head. Once you
see her, you'll know what you're up against.
Daphne: I suppose. But what if we get caught?
Roz: We lie.
Daphne: I'm a terrible liar.
Roz: Listen up. Lying is all about confidence. As long as you're
confident, people will believe anything you tell them.
Daphne: Are you sure?
Roz: Frasier thinks I'm at the coffee machine right now!
[Daphne looks gobsmacked as the door open. Roz enters, confidently,
and goes towards the assistant. Daphne follows nervously.]
Roz: Excuse me, we're looking for Heather Murphy.
Assistant: This is her office. And you are?
Roz: Her two 'o clock!
Assistant: [checks computer] I don't have anything on the books.
Roz: This is unbelievable. [to Daphne] Make a note: Re-evaluate
all scheduling procedures, CC all department heads.
Assistant: Heather'll be back in five minutes if you want to wait.
Roz: Oh, we'll wait. In the meantime, two coffees, cream with
sugar, think you can handle that?!
Assistant: [scared] Yes.
Roz: We'll be in her office. Let's go.
[Roz exits to Heather's office. Daphne simply cannot move, she simply
stands behind looking fearful at the assistant.]
Roz: [shouts in a style we'll now call Lana-esque] Now!
[Daphne and the assistant both jump off their feet. She enters the
office whilst he runs to the coffee machine.]
Daphne: You know, I think coffee might make me more nervous.
Roz: We're not going to drink it. I'm just trying to bide some
time so that we can look around. She's got to be in one of
these pictures somewhere.
[They pick up a photo on her desk.]
Daphne: There's a lot of people there. Which one do you suppose she
is?
Roz: [referring to a woman who has just appeared at the entrance
to the office] I think it's the one who looks like her.
[Heather Murphy walks over to them.]
Heather: Excuse me, can I help you?
Roz: We flew in from corporate for a meeting which the geniuses
in your department managed to screw up. I don't know what
kind of monkey business is going on around here, but we are
this close to shutting this entire branch down.
Heather: How could you fly in from corporate? Corporate's downstairs!
[Roz suddenly loses her confidence and flees from the office back to
the elevator.]
Heather: I'm calling security. Who are you?
Daphne: [with growing dignity and confidence] Who am I? Who am I?
Roz: [Lana-esque] Just run!
[She does - past a very confused assistant carrying two coffees.]
[Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment.
That evening, Frasier, with an oven glove on his hand for protection,
and Martin are sat in the kitchen holding a trail of dental floss
connected to a gecko. So, business as usual then...]
Frasier: It's asleep, dad.
Martin: No, it's not.
Frasier: Really, he hasn't twitched his tail for two minutes.
Martin: That's because he's lulling him into a false sense of
security. The most dangerous part of a gecko is it's mind.
Frasier: What are you talking about? A gecko's brain is like this
big. [holds his thumb and fore finger apart by less than an
inch]
Martin: Yeah, but a cricket's brain is only this big. [holds his
thumb and fore finger touching each other]
Frasier: All right, fine. Where were we?
Martin: Ann Margaret.
Frasier: You cannot just blurt out Ann Margaret like that. I'm sorry,
we can only take ten women to love island, all right? You'll
have to put a little thought into this. I'll tell you who
makes my list. That dark haired temptress that works at the
bookstore.
Martin: [smiling] Lisa.
Frasier: You know her name?
Martin: Are you kidding?
Frasier: All this time you've been going down there, I... I thought
you belonged to some kind of book club.
Martin: Oh, there's a club all right! You know, she got a belly ring
last week.
Frasier: [off in a fantasy] That's fantastic!
Martin: [stands] Here, hold onto this for a minute, will ya, while I
grab a beer?
Frasier: Sure.
[Frasier takes control of the dental floss as Martin moves to the
refrigerator.]
Frasier: Ooh, dad, he's made his move, I can feel him.
Martin: Oh, all right, give him a little play.
Frasier: [reels out the thread] Right, I am doing.
Martin: A little more.
Frasier: Right.
Martin: A little more.
Frasier: Right.
[The cricket makes its noise. Then suddenly it is ceased by the sound
of crunching.]
Martin: He got him! Reel him in! Not too fast now, not too fast, you
don't want to tug at it.
Frasier: I can't believe this worked. That was amazing! [picks up
gecko with his protected hand]
Martin: Oh great work, buddy.
Frasier: Thanks, dad.
Martin: I meant the gecko.
Frasier: Yes, yes, of course. [to gecko] Good job, well done. [places
him back into the box]
Martin: Will you be using this floss anymore?
Frasier: [gives him a look] I think we'll just let him keep it, all
right?
Martin: Okay.
Frasier: There we go. In you go, little man. Congratulations. [puts
the lid on] Well, that's it.
Martin: Yeah. Cricket's dead.
Frasier: Gosh, even though I am savouring the new found silence I,
uh, sort of miss the excitement of the hunt.
Martin: Yeah, well, all right. [begins to exit]
Frasier: You know, dad. [Martin returns] Were you aware that the male
cricket chirps in order to attract the female cricket?
Martin: Wow, that cricket was doing an awful lot of chirping.
Frasier: Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Martin: There might be another cricket.
Frasier: There might be more than one. I'd hate to go to bed and then
have to get up again.
Martin: Probably we should just play it safe.
Frasier: Release the gecko.
Martin: Yes.
[They re-open the box - content with their new found excitement.]
[Scene Four - Niles' Office.
Niles is doing some reading as Daphne knocks on his door.]
Niles: Well, this is an unexpected treat.
Daphne: Niles, I have something to tell you.
Niles: Is it that I'm the sexiest man you've ever known?
Daphne: No. [beat] I mean yes you are, yes, but that's not why I'm
here.
Niles: Is something wrong?
Daphne: Well sort of. [carefully] It's about Heather Murphy.
Niles: Daphne, I've told you. I cannot talk about my patients.
Daphne: You don't have to. I found out by myself.
Niles: [thoughtful pause] Did you look in my briefcase?
[Daphne nods. She is on the brink of tears.]
Niles: [angry] You read her file?!
Daphne: I know, I know, it's bad.
[Niles goes to the door and closes it for some privacy. He raises his
voice. He feels passionate about his work.]
Niles: Those files are confidential. How could you?
Daphne: Look, before you get going, you should probably know...
Niles: No, there is no excuse. That is the worse thing you could
have done!
Daphne: You would think so.
Niles: [amazed and disgusted] What else did you do?
Daphne: I went down to her office to see what she looks like. Well,
she never found out who I was or why I was there. I know it
doesn't make it okay, but I was just so worried and I had to
find out who she was and [in tears] I'm so sorry, I feel so
ashamed. [cries] It was all Roz's idea!
[Niles is speechless.]
Daphne: Look, I know you're angry, but Niles, please, say something.
Niles: Anger doesn't begin to describe it.
Daphne: Niles.
Niles: You have violated this person's privacy. If she found out,
I... they could suspend my license.
Daphne: I am so sorry.
Niles: And you don't trust me. How could you possibly think there
could be somebody else?
Daphne: Because I was somebody else.
Niles: What?
Daphne: You were married to two other women while you claimed to be
in love with me. Now that we're together how can I be sure,
really sure, that there won't ever be another "somebody
else"?
Niles: Because I would never... [pauses, realising he has been
through this before] Because this time it's different. Our
love is different. It's not based on somebody's expectations
or... or anything I'm supposed to be. When I was with Maris,
or with Mel, I found myself thinking about you. Going about
my day or even when I was in a session, I found myself
thinking about you. Well, now we're together. I find myself
thinking about you. It's not going to stop.
[Daphne, emotional, hugs Niles dearly.]
Niles: I'm still mad at you.
Daphne: I know.
[Fade out.]
Credits:
[In Frasier's kitchen, Martin and Frasier are attempting the
'marshmallow challenge'. They seem to be having fun - even though the
cricket hunt seems to have been forgotten. The floss thread now runs
from their hands down to the floor and into Eddie's mouth. The killer
instinct has finally shone through.]
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2001 by Nick H. This episode
summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright of Paramount
Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
