Transcript {nicholas hartley}
Act One.
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment.
Martin enters the apartment with Eddie to find Roz and Daphne on the
sofa with some video tapes.
Roz: Hey, Martin. Happy Valentine's Day.
Martin: Oh thanks, Roz. So you're with us tonight, huh?
Roz: Yeah, we've rented a couple of sad chick movies.
Martin: Oh, it's not like you not to have a date on Valentine's Day.
Roz: Tell me, I usually try for a second seating! [Martin laughs]
Daphne: And you'd think that being engaged, I'd have a guaranteed date.
But no! Donny had to go to Florida, his grandmother. She'd
do anything to come between us.
Martin: Oh, what did she do this time?
Daphne: She died.
Frasier enters in his suit.
Frasier: Good Lord, where is Niles? I don't want to be late for the
opera.
Roz: Are you going out with Niles on Valentine's Day?
Frasier: Well, it's a subscription series, you see. We got these
tickets months ago, we had no idea what day this fell on.
Daphne: [hopeful:] So Dr. Crane's not spending tonight with Mel?
Frasier: No, she's going out of town, some sort of medical conference.
[doorbell sounds] You know, actually I'm sorry for Niles,
but I'm rather glad to be having an old-fashioned boy's night
out.
Frasier opens the door to Niles on his cell phone.
Niles: [into phone:] I can't wait either, I'll see you in twenty
minutes, Valentine. [kisses into phone and hangs up]
Frasier: That had better be the seat duster in our opera box!
Niles: No, it was Mel. At the last minute she decided to skip her
conference.
Frasier: So, I'll be going to the opera by myself?
Niles: Oh, well here's a thought. If you give Mel your opera ticket
then you won't have to be alone. You can stay here and watch
fun movies with Roz and Daphne. [looks at titles] Ooh,
"Dying Young" - it's a... classic.
Frasier: I am surprised by your gall! At the last moment you not only
bail on me, you expect me to give up my own ticket!
Niles: Please, Frasier, put yourself in my shoes. I have to do
something for Mel. Every restaurant in town's been booked
for weeks. I ran into Archie Wilfong today. He told me he
had to settle for two seats at the counter at "The Salad
Experience!" What do you suggest I do?
Frasier: Bring your own wine and order the Spicy Caesar!
Niles: [stalks to the door] May your opera box be full of cellophane
crinklers and a stage swarming with standbys.
Frasier: Get out!
Frasier pushes Niles out.
Frasier: He goes too far!
Roz: [sarcastic] Yeah, some nerve - ditching you to spend
Valentine's Day with his girlfriend.
Martin: Look, Fras', I don't blame you for being a little jealous
'cause he's got someone and you don't...
Frasier: I'm not jealous, dad, I'm simply appalled by his rudeness.
I was looking forward to this evening. [pouring himself a
sherry] Nice drink, lovely opera, then a late supper, perhaps
a beautiful bottle of wine, delightful desert soufflé...
[realising] Oh God, I need a woman!
Daphne: Remember my friend Rowena? She's much prettier since her
surgery! You look at her face and you can't even tell where
it used to be.
Frasier: Thank you, Daphne. But actually, I already have someone in
mind. You see, there's a stunning woman who comes to the
opera on the same nights we do. She has the box right across
from ours. We've flirted a bit from a distance. I have
laughed with her during "Figuerolla," cried with her during
"Tosca," I even had a dream about her during "Einstein On
The Beach."
Roz: Well, don't just stare at her, make a move!
Frasier: I will, Roz. Tonight's the night. By the finale I will have
made my overture. Dad, would you please come with me?
Martin: To the opera? What do you need me for?
Frasier: Dad, I can't go with a woman because then she'll think I'm
on a date, and if I go alone she'll think I couldn't get a
date.
Roz: He would look pretty pathetic.
Martin: Oh, geez!
Daphne: Or you could stay home with us and watch sad movies.
Frasier: [reads a title] "Sophie's Choice."
Martin: I'll say it is!
OUT WITH DAD
Scene Two - Opera Box.
Frasier and Martin are sat in the box.
Martin: Is she here yet?
Frasier: No, not yet. That's her box over there, the empty one.
Martin: Well, I'm not going to sit through a whole opera for some
woman who's not even here.
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, dad, give it a chance. You might
actually learn to like it if you listened to one.
Martin: Hey, your mother dragged to me a lot of these things when we
were dating and they were all stupid. These stories make no
sense whatsoever.
Frasier: Oh, that is not true!
Martin: Oh, all right, what's this one about?
Frasier: Well, it's about Rigoletto, the hunchbacked jester in the
court of the Duke. He has a daughter, Guilder, who's secretly
living with him. But everyone thinks that she's his mistress.
In this opening scene, Rigoletto mocks the Duke's enemy, who
puts a curse on him.
Martin: A cursed hunchback dating his daughter - well, nothing
screwy so far!
Frasier: He is not dating his daughter! Guilder is being courted by
the Duke, who is disguised as a humble student.
Martin: You see, that's what I mean. The whole thing's so
unrealistic. Everybody's in love, pretending to be somebody
they're not. And they're all swooning and gasping-
Frasier, looking over at the opera box, gasps loudly.
Martin: Exactly, who acts that way?
Frasier: Dad, she's here! She's here, and she's not on a date. That
must be her mother.
Martin: [looks and gasps] Wow, you're right, she is a looker all
right.
Frasier: All right, don't gawk, don't gawk, she'll notice.
Martin: Well, I thought that was the point. You've got to get her
attention.
Martin begins waving until Frasier stops him.
Frasier: No, dad, please, don't wave! Just keep your eye on the
stage.
Martin: All right, but I bet you that gets results.
The opera begins and the lights dim. Frasier and Martin applaud.
Frasier: You're right dad, it did.
Martin: [looks and gasps in horror; through a clenched jaw:] Oh God,
I wasn't waving at her, I was waving at the daughter!
Frasier: That's not what the mother seems to think. [laughs] I think
she likes you, wave back.
Martin: No, I don't want to.
Frasier: Wave back! You started it, wave back.
Martin: Oh, geez! [reluctantly waves back]
Scene Three - Theatre Lobby.
Martin and Frasier arrive from the box.
Martin: Hunchback's got kind of a nice voice but the daughter's
kinda screechy!
Frasier: Yes, well, she's no Renata Tebaldi. Gosh, I don't see them,
do you?
Martin: Oh, I bet you the old one's in the ladies room putting on
more war paint!
Frasier sees the two women coming towards them.
Frasier: Here they are. Just try to be nice, dad! If you are rude to
the mother you will ruin my chances with the daughter! [they
come over] Well, we finally meet.
Emily: I feel like we're practically old friends.
Helen: I'm Helen Browning, this is my daughter, Emily.
Frasier: I'm Frasier Crane, this is my father, Martin.
They greet him.
Frasier: Well, can we get you some champagne?
Emily: Oh, we'd love it, thanks.
Martin: Oh well, let me give you a hand.
Frasier: No, no, you know what, dad, we can manage. Er, why don't you
two stay and have a nice little chat?
Frasier and Emily leave Martin and Helen alone.
Helen: Lovely production, isn't it? I adore Verdi.
Martin: Oh, he's my favourite.
Helen: Though the woman singing Guilder's a bit off.
Martin: She's no Renata Tebaldi.
Helen: You know, if you like Verdi so much, I happen to have a spare
ticket to "Aida" next week.
Martin: Oh, that sounds great, but, er, if it's a week from tonight,
I'm busy, I'm sorry.
Helen: Actually, it's next Thursday.
Martin: Oh, Thursday? Oh, you know there's this thing at my... at my
wine club.
Helen: That's all right, Martin, we just met, I shouldn't have
asked.
Martin: No, no, no, Helen, it's got nothing to do with you, it's me.
I'm afraid I've given you the wrong impression of myself.
You see, the truth is, I'm... [thinks]
Helen: Gay.
Martin: Uh, right, gay.
Helen: I thought you might be. How many straight men remember Renata
Tebaldi?
Martin: [looks over at Frasier] Not many! [laughs]
Helen: Well, I'm sorry if I was too forward, it's just that
sometimes it's so hard to meet nice men.
Martin: Tell me! [laughs]
Frasier and Emily arrive with the champagne.
Frasier: Here we are, dad. Actually, good news, Emily has agreed to
join me for a night cap after the opera. Cast her eye over
my African art collection.
The bells sound for act two and they depart.
Frasier: So how did it go with Helen? You didn't offend her, did you?
Martin: No, not at all. It turns out I'm not her type.
Meanwhile, Helen and Emily chat.
Emily: Well?
Helen: Opera Queen.
Emily: Oh, sorry.
Helen: Still, you know who he'd be perfect for?
Emily: [thinks] Yes! You know, he's here tonight, I'll bring him!
Frasier and Martin walk towards the exit.
Frasier: Right, dad, we better hurry up. Don't want to miss the
second act.
Martin: Oh, who cares? It'll be just more goofy stuff that never
happens in real life.
Frasier and Martin exit.
[N.B. John Mahoney is, in real life, a big opera buff.]
End of Act One.
Act Two.
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment.
Daphne and Roz are sobbing over a movie on the VCR as Frasier and
Martin enter. Martin leaves to the kitchen.
Daphne: How was the opera?
Frasier: Lovely. Get out! [turns television off]
Roz: Hey, that movie's not over.
Frasier: Too bad, Roz. There's a stunning woman on her way over here,
I don't want her thinking I'm running some sort of maudlin
sorority house. Now, come on, shake a leg.
Roz: [stands] You actually spoke to her, you didn't wimp out?
Frasier: You have never seen me so suave.
Roz: [goes to door] Some Valentine's Day! First my date bails on
me and now I owe Daphne fifty bucks! [exits]
Martin: [enters holding his beer up] Well, hello there. Will you be
my "Ballantine?"
Frasier: Dad, will you go and get a glass?
Martin: Oh, all right. [exits to kitchen]
Frasier: [doorbell sounds] And drink it quickly. The last thing I
need tonight is some third wheel cramping my style.
Frasier opens the door to Emily on the arm of a very English
and very camp Edward.
Edward: Hello. [laughs]
Frasier: Hello.
Emily: I hope you don't mind. Edward here was at the opera too,
he's my partner.
Frasier: [miffed] Your partner?
Edward: At the gallery. I'm also her uncle.
Frasier: Oh, when you said partner, I thought you meant romantic
partner.
Edward: [horse laughs] Hardly!
Frasier: I'm Frasier.
Edward: [enters] Pleasure. What a marvellous view! [goes upstage]
May I?
Frasier: Yes, please.
Edward exits to the balcony.
Emily: Your father, is he dating anyone at the moment?
Frasier: Well, no, but if you're thinking about your mother, I'm
afraid they're not really right for each other.
Emily: [laughs] Yes, I know. I meant Edward.
Frasier: [surprised] Your uncle?
Emily: Yes.
Frasier: ...and my father?
Emily: They're both single, they love opera and they were both
married with kids when they came out of the closet. Your dad
told my mother all about it.
Frasier: Oh, did he?
Emily: Well, she asked him out and he had to be honest with her.
Martin: [enters and notices Edward who has just entered from the
balcony] Hi, there.
Frasier: Yes, nothing like a little honesty to defuse an awkward
situation.
Martin notices nothing unusual about Edward. To the contrary, he's
pleased to meet someone his own age.
Martin: Hi there, how are you?
Frasier: [taking Emily's coat] Let me take your coat. Dad, this is
Edward, Emily's uncle, he's her partner in her art gallery.
Er, Edward, this is my father, Martin.
Edward: Pleased to meet you, Martin.
Martin: Same here, and my friends call me Marty.
Edward: Then Marty it is! I love what you've done with this place,
it's the perfect blend of sleek elegance and [pointedly at
chair] audacious whimsy!
Martin: Oh, you like it, huh? Do you know, Edward's my favourite
name.
Edward: Really?
Martin: Yes, I even called my dog Eddie. [calls] Eddie! [Eddie
rushes in] Here he is.
Emily: Oh, a Jack Russell! He loves Jack Russells.
Edward: I have three of them. [to Eddie] All girls.
Martin: Oh, well, we ought to get them together. Who knows, maybe a
little romance'll bloom. [Edward reacts]
Frasier: You know, dad, maybe we should go fetch our new friends some
drinks.
Emily: I'd love some white wine.
Martin: How about you, Ed?
Edward: Why not a beer?
Martin: Oh, a man after my own heart.
Edward is encouraged by this as Frasier and Martin enter the kitchen.
Frasier: Boy, you are really something!
Martin: What?
Frasier: You actually told Emily's mother that you were gay.
Martin: Well, you said not to offend her, I thought that was a
pretty good way to get her to cool her jets without hurting
her feelings.
Frasier: Dad, there's something you don't understand. You see, she
told Emily.
Martin: She got a problem with it?
Frasier: Oh, no, she's pretty okay with it.
Martin: Oh, I get it, you're worried she'll know I'm straight, find
out I've been lying to her mother.
Frasier: Dad...
Martin: Well, don't worry about it, I'll gay it up a little.
Martin and Frasier enter the room with the drinks.
Martin: Emily, have I told you I love your hair.
Emily: Thank you, Martin.
Martin: It's di-vine. [sits on couch next to Edward]
Emily: [looks at knickknacks] Frasier, these pieces are wonderful,
you've exquisite taste!
Martin: Oh, he gets that from me. Yes, it was worth all the hours I
dragged him around to the museums and the antiques shops
teaching him about art and, you know, upholstery.
Edward: Were you in the arts?
Martin: Oh, well, actually, Ed...
Frasier: [jumps in:] Dad was a cop.
Edward: Really? The, er, uniform and everything? [nudges him and
laughs]
Martin: Yeah, in fact, er, that's what happened to my hip. I took a
bullet trying to break up a robbery. Yeah, I called for
back-up but it never showed up.
Emily: [sighs in sympathy:] Because you were gay.
Martin: Don't think I didn't wonder about that!
Frasier gives him a look.
Martin: Yes, that was the day I came out. Lying in that alley,
covered with blood, bullet in my hip and I said, "That's it!
I'm gay, I like myself and I'm not living a lie anymore."
Edward: I had exactly the same experience when I came out.
Edward puts his hand on Martin's knee to his surprise. Martin looks at
the hand, then to Frasier, then back to the hand again. Frasier just
smirks at him.
Edward: Not, exactly, perhaps. Yours was a bullet in the hip. For
me, it was a Lufthansa steward named Gunther.
Emily: [holds Frasier's hand] What did I tell you? I knew they'd
hit it off.
Frasier: [laughs] Yes, I had a feeling myself.
Martin: And you didn't say a word, you scamp! Er, Frasier, why don't
you come help me get some snacks for everybody?
Frasier: All right, if you'll excuse us.
Frasier and Martin enter the kitchen and begin making snacks.
Martin: You didn't tell me this was a set-up!
Frasier: Well, how blind can you be, dad? He didn't seem gay to you?
Martin: He's English, they all seem gay.
Frasier: Lord!
Martin: Well, we're just going to have to tell him the truth.
Frasier: Oh, what? You found her mother so unattractive you pretended
to be gay?! Dad, Emily is the most fabulous woman I have met
in ages. If you screw this up for me, I will never forgive
you, so just be nice, all right?
Martin: But what if he asks me for a date?
Frasier: I have news for you: You're on a date!
They enter the living room with the snacks to find Daphne chatting to
the pair.
Frasier: Daphne!
Edward: We've just been chatting with your delightful physical
therapist, Marty.
Daphne: Oh, he's a charmer, this one. Now, aren't you glad you went
to the opera? I keep telling him he should get out more,
meet people. Most nights he just sits here alone watching
the telly.
Emily: He's the exact same way. He'll watch anything.
Daphne: With him it's mostly sports. Just give him a bunch of sweaty
men chasing each other around the field and he...
Frasier: Daphne! [drags her to the kitchen] Where are we keeping the
Camembert these days?
Daphne: [protesting] Same place we always do.
Frasier: [pushes her into kitchen] Get in the kitchen!
Frasier and Daphne exit.
Emily: You were smart to hire a woman for physical therapy. Much
safer than a man. Edward sprained his leg last year.
Edward: All right, Emily.
Emily: I never trusted that man.
Edward: [annoyed] All right, Emily.
Emily: Why you loaned him your boat...
Edward: [angry] All right, Emily!
Then we hear Daphne's loud laugh filling the room from the kitchen.
Frasier enters with the cheese pretending he made a joke.
Frasier: Here we are.
Emily: Thank you, Frasier. I would love to see the rest of the
apartment, if it's no trouble.
Frasier: Why, that's no trouble at all.
The two walk to the corridor.
Martin: [worried] Frasier, can I just...
Frasier: Now, dad, don't worry. I will close the door to your room.
You should see it whenever he gets ready for the opera;
clothes everywhere.
Frasier and Emily exit.
Daphne: [enters] Well, I'm off to bed.
Martin: Oh, no, no, no, Daph'. Daphne, why don't you join us?
Daphne: [trying to contain her laughter] No, no, no: Three's a crowd!
[exits in a giggle]
[N.B. Daphne getting a bit of her own back, after Martin left her in
the exact same fix in "The Matchmaker."]
Martin sits with Edward.
Edward: So.
Martin: So...
Edward: Our loved ones seem determined to thrust us together.
Martin: Well, don't let them pressure you.
Martin is about to put his arm on the couch but then stops, realising
it looks like a come-on.
Edward: Congratulations, Marty, on having raised such a splendid son.
I envy you your bond. [Martin gets nervous]
Martin: Do you have kids?
Edward: Just one, George. He's thirty-five and he has consecrated his
life [in horror] to bowling. I join him when I can,
but...
Martin: You're not wild about it.
Edward: No. I mean, oh, the shoes! Strange isn't it, the things
we'll do to be close to our children.
Martin: Oh, yeah. I've let Frasier drag me to all kinds of places I
didn't want to go to, just so that I could spend some time
with him. You know, sometimes it's hard to humour your kids
but...
Edward: [puts his arm on the couch] It's what we do, we're fathers.
Martin: Exactly.
Both men are aware that a nice rapport has been established -
for Martin, uncomfortably so.
Edward: Marty, would you be free for dinner sometime?
Martin: Oh, gee, I, er...
Edward: No, it's all right, never mind.
Martin: No, no, no, I'd love to, it's just that...
Edward: No need to explain.
Martin: No, no, really. It's not you, you're a great guy, it's just
that I'm... [obviously contrived:] dating someone!
Edward: Marty, you don't have to spare my feelings.
Martin: No, no, really, it's true.
Niles enters with a bottle of wine.
Niles: Hello.
Martin: Darling! [hugs Niles]
Niles: I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?
Martin: Oh, not a thing, honey. Just take off your coat and stay a
while.
Niles: Okay. [does so] I felt bad about that squabble earlier so I
dropped off this little peace offering.
Martin: [takes wine] As if I could stay mad at you. Er, this is my
boyfriend, Niles. Niles, this is Edward, we met at the opera
tonight.
Edward: Delighted.
Niles: [confused] Hello.
Edward: You needn't look so startled. I can assure you, there's
nothing funny going on.
Niles: Oh, good.
Martin: Well, why don't we go put this on ice?
Martin takes his confused son in to the kitchen as Frasier and Emily
arrive chatting.
Frasier: Of course the finest Guilder ever sung was by the great
Mathilde DeCagny. I actually have a recording.
Emily: I'd love to hear it.
Frasier: Where's dad?
Edward: He's in the kitchen with his boyfriend.
Martin and Niles enter hand in hand.
Frasier: Oh! [confused] Niles, what brings you here?
Martin: Well, it's my place too! [laughs] I can have company if I
want. Emily, this is Niles.
Emily: Hello.
Niles: Hi.
Emily: Em, I didn't realise your father was seeing someone.
Frasier: No, actually, I didn't think he was. Since when were you two
an item?
Martin: Two weeks now. We didn't say anything about it, yet,
because, well... [looks at Niles for an excuse]
Niles: So many reasons.
Edward: You know, it's getting late, Emily.
Emily: Oh yes, we should be going.
Frasier: No, no, please, please, stay for just five more minutes.
I have a very special old port that I'd love for you to
sample.
Frasier goes into the kitchen beckoning Niles. Niles tries to go,
however he is stopped by Martin clinging on to him. Niles whacks his
arm, freeing himself. Niles and Frasier arrive in the kitchen.
Frasier: How can you do this to me?
Niles: This was not my idea!
Frasier: Niles, Emily just kissed me in the bedroom and now she's
leaving. [pouring port] I have never been so embarrassed
in my life.
Niles: You're embarrassed?! They think the best I can do is an old
man with a cane!
Frasier: You've got to fix this!
Niles: Oh, and how am I supposed to do that?
Frasier: Well, isn't it obvious? You've got to dump dad!
Niles and Frasier enter the living room and hand out the ports.
Frasier: Here you are. Really, you must try this. So, Niles,
actually, you missed a splendid evening at the opera.
Niles: Well, maybe I can catch it this weekend with Mel.
Martin: Oh, and who's Mel?
Niles: Damn you and your jealous questions, you don't own me!
Niles walks to get his coat after being given a sign of approval from
Frasier.
Martin: Niles, I was only asking!
Niles: [walks to door] You're always asking, badgering, spying on
me! Well, I won't be suffocated anymore. I'm tired of being
your trophy boy! It's over, you hear me? Over! [haughty sniff]
And I'm keeping the jewellery!
Niles exits, slamming the door behind him.
Frasier: [nearly laughing] Oh, dad, I'm so sorry.
Martin: [gives him a look]
Emily: If there's anything we can do.
Martin: No, I'll be all right, I... I guess I always knew it
wouldn't last.
Edward: Marty, the young ones never stay.
Emily: I know what will cheer you up, that "Rigoletto" recording.
Frasier: Oh yes, splendid.
Edward: You know, Emily, I'd love to hear it but that shipment is
arriving bright and early. [stands]
Emily: [disheartened] Oh, right. Frasier, I wish I could stay but
I'm Edward's ride.
Frasier is disappointed, while Martin looks angry with himself.
Frasier: Yes, what a shame. Well, I guess this is good night, then-
Martin: [stands] No, no, wait a minute. Emily, em, why don't you
just stay here with Frasier and enjoy the music. I'll give
Edward a ride home.
Frasier: You would do that, dad?
Martin: Happy Valentine's Day, son.
Frasier: [overjoyed] Thanks, dad.
Martin: All right, good night.
They all give their farewell as Martin and Edward exit. Frasier
switches on the opera recording and sits on the couch with Emily.
She snuggles up to him.
Emily: It was so sweet of your father to do that. He really loves
you, doesn't he?
Frasier: You have no idea.
End of Act Two.
Credits:
Daphne is removing a gift card from a large floral arrangement on the
dining room table. Martin compliments her on the flowers, which he
assumes are from Donny, but Daphne smiles and hands Martin the card.
Martin reads it and looks uncomfortable; the flowers are from Edward.
Daphne goes off to the kitchen with a big smile as Martin frowns at
the bouquet. Finally he softens and leans over to sniff the flowers,
then reaches out and plucks one stray flower from the bouquet and
replaces it in a better location. He smiles with satisfaction and
goes off to watch television.
Guest Appearances
Special Guest Stars
BRIAN BEDFORD as Edward
MARG HELGENBERGER as Emily
Guest Starring
MARY LOUISE WILSON as Helen
Synopsis {kathy churay}
OUT WITH DAD
ACT ONE
Scene One - Frasier's Living Room - Evening
(Martin, Roz, Daphne, Frasier, Niles)
Martin comes in from his walk with Eddie as Roz and Daphne are
settling down to a Valentine's Day evening of old movies and wine.
Daphne complains that she will once again be dateless on Valentine's
Day, with Donny out of town at his grandmother's funeral. They invite
Frasier to join them, but he is anxiously awaiting his date -- Niles
-- so that they can leave for the opera, since Mel is attending a
medical conference. The doorbell rings and Niles enters, in the
middle of gushing to Mel on his cell phone that he will see her in 20
minutes. As he hangs up he explains to an indignant Frasier that Mel
has changed her plans, and he suggests that Frasier give up his opera
ticket so that Niles will have a suitable Valentine's Day present for
her. Frasier refuses, and Niles storms out in a huff.
Frasier is left to muse sadly on another evening sitting alone in his
opera box, gazing from afar at a lovely woman he's been flirting with
in the box across the theater. Roz suggests that instead of staring
at the woman Frasier should make a move, and Frasier impulsively
decides that Roz is right. He asks Martin to come along so that the
woman won't think he is a loser who couldn't get a date. Faced with
the choice of opera with Frasier or sad chick flicks with Roz and
Daphne, Martin reluctantly agrees.
Scene Title: Out With Dad
Scene Two - Frasier's Box At The Opera - That Evening
(Frasier, Martin,
Martin and Frasier scan the theater with opera glasses as Frasier
looks for his lady love, who hasn't yet arrived. Martin complains
about the senseless plots of operas, having sat through a number of
them when he and Hester were dating. Frasier protests that operas are
wonderful and starts to explain the convoluted plot of the opera
they're about to see. Martin is unimpressed and stands by his
objection that no one really acts that way, pretending to be people
they're not.
WIth a gasp Frasier spots the woman of his dreams in the opposite
box. His attempt to show only polite interest is frustrated by
Martin's happy wave to Frasier's dream woman and her companion. But
Frasier gets the last laugh when the woman's mother thinks Martin is
waving at her. Amused, Fraiser insists that Martin wave back.
Scene Three - Theater Lobby - Intermission
(Frasier, Martin, Emily Browning, Helen Browning)
Frasier looks for the two women and finally spots them across the
lobby, waving cheerily. Emily and her mother, Helen, make their way
toward Frasier and Martin and introduce themselves. Frasier and Emily
depart to fetch some champagne and Martin is left to chat with Helen.
Martin fakes his way through a few moments of opera chat until Helen
offers him a spare ticket to "Rigoletto" the following week. Martin
gropes for an excuse and Helen jumps to a conclusion that seems
obvious -- Martin is gay. Martin doesn't contradict her and Frasier
and Emily return with both champagne and the news that Emily will be
joining Frasier later for a nightcap at his apartment. Emily and her
mother depart, Helen filling Emily in on Martin's status as an "opera
queen."
Suddenly Ellen and Helen have a brainstorm -- to introduce Martin to
a man they know who would be just perfect for him. Emily remarks
excitedly that he is at the performance that evening, and that she
will ask him to join her at Frasier's to meet Martin.
ACT TWO
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment - Later That Evening
(Roz, Daphne, Frasier, Martin, Emily, Edward, Niles)
Roz and Daphne are in tears on the sofa as one of their sad movies
plays on the VCR. Frasier comes in and grabs the remote control to
turn off the movie, then hustles Roz out the door and Daphne off to
her room so that he can have his date with Emily. Martin comes in
from the kitchen with a cold Ballantyne's to unwind from his
stressful evening at the opera, but Frasier demands that he clear the
room as well. Before Martin can comply, the doorbell rings and
Frasier opens the door to find Emily with Edward, her uncle and
partner in the art gallery they own together.
Edward goes over to the balcony window to admire the view as Emily
asks Frasier whether his father is dating anyone. Frasier tells her
that he isn't but that he doesn't think Martin is Helen's type. Emily
laughingly agrees that Martin has already told Helen about being gay,
so she has brought Edward to meet Martin. Just then Martin himself
comes in from the kitchen, and introductions are made. Martin is
happy to meet another guy his own age, and he and Edward hit it off
immediately -- Edward interpreting Martin's friendliness as romantic
interest. Frasier drags Martin into the kitchen for a conference.
THE KITCHEN
Frasier tries to tell Martin what is happening, but Martin thinks
Frasier is concerned about upholding the lie to Emily's mother. He
reassures Frasier that he will "gay it up a little," and he heads
back to the living room as Frasier sighs and follows him.
THE LIVING ROOM
Martin compliments Emily on her hairstyle and takes credit for
Frasier's decorating taste and aesthetic education. Edward wants to
know what Martin used to do for a living and is thrilled to learn
that Martin used to be a cop. "The uniform and everything?" he
smirks. Martin tells his story about being shot, only in this version
he decides to come out of the closet as he's lying in an alley in
pool of his own blood. Edward is smitten, and Emily remarks smugly
that she and Frasier had known the two men would be perfect for each
other. At this Martin finally gets the point and pulls Frasier into
the kitchen for another discussion.
THE KITCHEN
Frasier tells Martin that he has to be nice to Edward in order not to
spoil Frasier's chances with Emily. Martin panics, "But what if he
asks me for a date?" Frasier replies cooly, "I have news for you.
You're ON a date."
THE LIVING ROOM
They return to the living room to find Dahpne regaling Edward and
Emily with stories of Martin's lonely nights in front of the telly.
All he seems to want to do, she says, is watch a bunch of sweaty men
running around on a playing field... At that Frasier hauls Daphne to
the kitchen for yet another discussion. Martin makes conversation
with Edward and Emily as Daphne's loud laughter echoes from the
kitchen.
Frasier comes back to the living room with a plate of camembert and a
barely suppressed grin. Emily asks him suggestively to show her the
rest of the apartment, and he's only too happy to oblige. Daphne
comes in to say goodnight, and Martin frantically tries to get her to
sit with him and Edward. "No, three's a crowd," Daphne giggles,
exiting to her room.
Edward pats the couch next to him, and Martin awkwardly sits down as
far from Edward as possible. Edward compliments him on having raised
such a fine son. His own son George is 35, and they try to find
things in common, but it's difficult. On that, at least, Martin and
Edward do agree; it's tough being a father. Edward is encouraged by
their cameraderie and asks Martin whether he would be free for dinner
some time. Martin gropes for an answer, and Edward backs off quickly.
But Martin doesn't want to offend him, and finally tells him that
he's dating someone. Edward sees through the thin excuse and assures
Martin that he needn't make any excuses, but Martin stands by his
story.
Just then the doorbell rings, and Niles lets himself in. "Darling!"
Martin exclaims with relief. Niles is taken aback, but then seems to
dismiss it as just another of his father's eccentricities. He
proffers the bottle of wine he's brought as a peace offering for the
argument earlier, and Martin introduces Edward to Niles -- his
boyfriend. Niles covers his astonishment and tries to play along as
Martin shepherds him into the kitchen for yet another private
discussion.
Frasier returns from the bedroom with Emily rhapsodizing about a
wonderful opera sung by the great Matilde de Cagny. He inquires after
Martin, and Edward informs him glumly that Martin is in the kitchen
with his boyfriend. Martin and Niles come back from the kitchen
holding hands, Niles trying to play along even though he's extremely
stiff and uncomfortable.
Edward rises to leave and Emily agrees reluctantly, but Frasier
insists that they stay for just a glass of port. He pulls Niles into
the kitchen after him.
THE KITCHEN
Frasier declares that it is up to Niles to fix this situation. "How?"
Niles ask in exasperation. Frasier replies that it's obvious -- Niles
must dump Dad.
THE LIVING ROOM
Fraiser hands out the glasses of port as Niles enters from the
kitchen, his face a study as he frantically tries to figure out what
to do. Frasier tells him that he missed great opera that evening.
Niles senses an opening and replies that he will try to catch it that
weekend with Mel.
"Who's Mel?" Martin asks innocently. "Damn you and your questions!"
Niles shouts triumphantly. Frasier nods discrete approval of Niles's
brilliant improvisation, and Niles sweeps over to the door in grand
style. He pauses only to deliver a withering exit speech, concluding
triumphantly, "And I'm keeping the jewelry!"
Emily and Frasier try to console Martin over his "breakup," and
Martin declares that he had known it couldn't last. Frasier puts on
some mustic, but Edward begs off and says that he must be going.
Emily is reluctant to leave but she must -- she is Edward's ride.
Martin can't stand the thought of Frasier spending Valentine's
evening with a broken heart, so he smiles and offers to drive Edward
home. As the two men leave, Emily is touched and tells Frasier that
his father must really love him to do such a nice thing.
"You have no idea," Frasier smiles.
CREDIT TAG
Daphne is removing a gift card from a large floral arrangement on the
dining room table. Martin compliments her on the flowers, which he
assumes are from Donny, but Daphne smiles and hands Martin the card.
Martin reads it and looks uncomfortable; the flowers are from Edward.
Daphne goes off to the kitchen with a big smile as Martin frowns at
the bouquet. Finally he softens and leans over to sniff the flowers,
then reaches out and plucks one stray flower from the bouquet and
replaces it in a better location. He smiles with satisfaction and
goes off to watch television.
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by Nick Hartley, Kathy
Churay. This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright
of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
