They're Playing Our Song Written by David Lloyd
Directed by David Lee
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Production Code: 7.13
Episode Number In Production Order: 157
Original Airdate on NBC: 13th January 2000
Episode filmed on 15th December 1999
Synopsis written on 16th January 2000
Transcript written on 31st May 2000
Transcript revised on 1st June 2001
Transcript (nick hartley)
Act One.
Scene One - Radio Station.
Frasier is coming to a break in his show.
Frasier: And we'll be right back after this short news break.
[presses button]
Gil: [enters] Frasier. I'm here to give you an advanced tip.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: [enters] Hey, Gil.
Gil: Roz. I'm about to review a divine new Italian trattoria I've
discovered called "Bella, Bella." I'm alerting you now
because once I review it, reservations will be impossible to
come by.
Frasier: Oh, well thank you, Gil, it's always gratifying to be a few
minutes ahead of a train.
Gil: They make an Osu Buku that's so divine I call it the "veal
shank redemption."
Kenny: [enters] Hey, guys. The show's going great, Frasier, only
one thing missing of course.
Frasier: I know, I know, a new theme song. I'm sorry, I just haven't
gotten around to it yet.
Kenny: Mrs. Delafield's been hounding me on this. She really thinks
each show having a theme song will help up the listeners.
Gil's got his.
Gil: My first choice was "Food, Glorious Food" from the show
"Oliver!"
Frasier: Oh, that's a perfect match: Boute Cuisine and a chorus of
starving orphans.
Gil: But then a composer friend of mine came up with this little
ditty for me. [sings:] "Whether choosing a wine or the best
place to dine, it's all a matter of taste, yes sir! It's all
a matter of taste!"
Kenny: Great, huh? [Frasier and Roz don't look so sure]
Gil: And the nicest thing is, he didn't take a penny for it.
Frasier: Well, at least he has a conscience. [laughs]
Gil, not finding the joke, walks out in protest.
Frasier: You know, Kenny, I'm sorry for procrastinating on this
thing. I tell you what, I'll get one as soon as I possibly
can, all right?
Kenny: Well, you better come up with something here. I'm sorry to
be a hard-ass, it's the part of my job I hate the most, but
I need this thing on my desk Monday! [then:] ...ish, you know.
[exits]
Frasier: You know, Roz, hearing Gil's little ditty puts me in mind
that maybe we should just do an original song.
Roz: Well, my new boyfriend Leon is in a band, he could write one
for you.
Frasier: Well, actually, I was thinking of composing it myself. I'm
not without musical ability, you know.
Roz: Could you at least hire Leon to accompany you?
Frasier: I take it he's desperate for work.
Roz: He hasn't had a gig in months. Music is all he knows. He's
not good at anything else. Except in bed, that's what he
does best.
Frasier: Yes, how long did it take you to find that out?
Roz: [looks at time] Ten seconds, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, longer than usual. [laughs]
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
Martin is sat in his chair. Frasier answers the door to Niles.
Niles: Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, Niles. [realises:] Oh, dear. We had dinner plans tonight,
didn't we?
Niles: Yes, don't tell me you're cancelling.
Frasier: Well I have to, I have a little project this evening.
Niles: Oh, does this have anything to do with this new theme song
you promised your listeners?
Frasier: As a matter of fact it does. I've got to have something by
Monday and I thought I'd take advantage of a nice, quiet
evening at home.
Then the peace is interrupted by Daphne who comes down the hallway
with a very loud hoover.
Frasier: Daphne! Daphne, would you please turn off that vacuum
cleaner?
Daphne: [she does] It's not a vacuum cleaner, it's the "Dirt Scourge
2000," a total cleansing system.
Martin: Is it new?
Daphne: Yeah, got it this afternoon. You see this water [points to
dirty water in center] traps all the dirt molecules instead
of recycling them back into the air. I got all that just
from Dr. Crane's pillow.
Everyone groans in disgust.
Niles: [to Frasier:] I've been begging you to switch to a more
abrasive loofah!
Daphne: No, it would be the same for anyone. Dead skin, dust mites:
that's what we're all sleeping on, although we don't know it.
Martin: We do now, Jeez!
Martin exits to the kitchen.
Daphne: This is the chance I've been waiting for.
Daphne uses the attachment to clean Martin's chair. The brothers are
astounded when they see the vacuum compartment bubble and then blow.
Smoke begins fleeing from it.
Frasier: Well, apparently the "Dirt Scourge 2000" is no match for the
"Dirt Pile 1957."
Daphne: Well, this is going back. On the commercial they clean all
the mud off a hippopotamus. [exits]
Frasier: Well, at least now I can get down to work. Niles, I'm sorry
again about dinner but, [points to decanters] can I buy you
a sherry?
Niles: Oh, thank you.
Frasier pours them each a glass.
Niles: About this theme song of yours, why don't you just use a
standard?
Frasier: Actually, I want to compose one myself. You see, I've always
had an affinity for music and I've often wondered what I
might achieve if I just rolled up my sleeves and gave it a
try.
Martin: Didn't you write some kind of musical back in prep school?
Frasier: Yes, I did, dad. Niles was in it. You know the whole school
came out humming my opening anthem.
Niles: They went in humming it. It was Beethoven's Ninth Symphony
note for note.
Frasier: It was not.
Niles: It absolutely was.
Frasier: It was not at all!
Niles: Oh! [sings to the tune of "Ode To Joy":] "We are valiant men
of honour, wrenching, brawling, such and such...."
Frasier: All right, all right, well, I suppose I may have borrowed a
note or two, as a launching pad.
Niles: "Prancing, leaping, laughing, weeping..."
Frasier: All right, point taken.
Niles: "...Over the hills and..."
Frasier: Stop it!
Niles: I'm sorry, I'm just teasing. Actually it was a wonderful
show, I was very proud to be acting in it.
Frasier: And you know, Niles, you were wonderful in it as well.
Niles: Well, thank you, I thought so. I often thought if I kept at
it I could have been a professional actor.
Frasier: Ah, you see, we all have a road not taken. Some unfinished
business worth exploring.
Martin: Yeah, I always wanted to be a toe-dancer but a bullet ended
my dream.
Niles and Frasier look at each, groaning at his comments.
Niles: Well, Frasier, if you need any help with this, I'm right
here.
Frasier: Thank you, Niles. You know, I'd rather handle the composing
chores myself, but I could use a sounding board.
Niles: Fair enough, let's put our heads together... figuratively
speaking of course, I saw what came out of your pillow!
The brothers walk to the piano.
A BRIDGE TOO FAR
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment.
Niles is sat at the piano with Frasier stood behind him. Daphne is
sat at the dining table listening.
Niles: I think this new bridge is the best thing you've written.
Frasier: Really?
Niles: Oh, absolutely. Listen to this. [Niles plays the piano
whilst singing:] "Claustrophobia, nymphomania, he will probe
ya', he'll explain ya'!" [finishes] It's brilliant!
Frasier: It does have a Cole Porter-y, Steven Sondheim-y flavour,
doesn't it?
Niles: Oh, absolutely yes. Sondheim would have killed to have
written this.
Frasier: You know, I'm a little nervous, it just may be a bit too
conventional. Perhaps instead of a regular bridge, I could
substitute it with a dramatic monologue spoken against a
musical background.
Niles: I like it!
Frasier: Of course, I would have to hire an actor.
Niles: Yes, I suppose you could squander a lot of money on some so-
called professional. Someone who doesn't know a thing about
psychiatry, someone who doesn't understand the whole
"gestalt."
Frasier: Or maybe you could do it.
Niles: I think so.
Frasier: [laughs] Oh gosh, Niles. I will write you a speech that will
challenge your entire histrionic range. This is so exciting.
Let's play the chorus again.
Martin enters in his bath robe.
Martin: Hey, Fras'. I just had an idea for your little jingle, it
came to me while I was brushing my teeth. [sings:] "What's
new, I'm listening, Feelin' blue, I'm listening."
[interrupts:] Cause you know, that's what you say on your
show. [sings:] "Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' glad,
feelin' bad, I'm listening."
Daphne: Bravo! That's wonderful. [the boys aren't so sure]
Martin: Well, thanks. It's catchy, that's what counts in a jingle.
Frasier: A-ha, well that's very very nice, dad. It's just that, well,
I did promise my listeners that I'd compose this myself,
it's no fair cheating.
Martin: Oh, well, it's not cheating technically...
Frasier: Yes, well, very good dad, but thank you and off you go.
Martin: Okay, all right. [exits]
Niles: Hey, Frasier, are you sure you want to modulate here, that
may just complicate things.
Frasier: Perhaps, you know, I'm just trying to make it interesting.
To my ear there's still something lacking, some tiny
ingredient that's missing, I'm not sure what.
Scene Four - Recording Studio.
A full orchestra is in the recording studio. Frasier is ready to
conduct.
Frasier: All right, everyone, let's try this again. We still have a
few minutes before the choir gets here.
End of Act One.
Act Two.
Scene One - Recording Studio.
We resume to the same scene a few minutes later. The choir enters
late.
Frasier: Well, finally the choir has deigned to join us.
Singer: Sorry, our bus broke down. We had to walk two miles to get
here.
Frasier: Ah, well I suppose we can dispense with the breathing
exercises I was going to recommend! [points to their place]
Please, if you would. [they go to their places] Off you go!
Niles stands and asks his brother a question.
Niles: Frasier, did you mean to cut paragraph five of my monologue?
Frasier: Gosh, I might have, Niles. I've just been so busy. What was
the gist?
Niles: "The light-hearted lampoon of mental health care abuse."
Frasier: Ah, yes I did, I was afraid that some fuss-budget might take
offence at my jape about lobotomies.
Niles: Well, I suppose it's best to play it safe, although I did
like the way you indicated manic depression with the slide
whistle. [looks at the mass of orchestra] Do we really have
to use so many musicians?
Frasier: For the sound I want, yes.
Niles: Whatever happened to the concept of "less is more?"
Frasier: Ah, but if less is more then just think how much more "more"
will be. You may be seated. [Niles sits] Ladies and
Gentlemen, if I may have your attention please. I'd like to
take a few minutes to explain my artistic vision.
Drummer: Take as long as you want, we're all on the clock.
Frasier: Point well taken, moving right along then.
Roz and her gormless boyfriend, Leon, enters with his guitar.
Roz: Frasier, I'm sorry we're late, we got stuck in traffic. Some
stupid bus broke down. This is Leon.
Frasier: Ah, hello, Leon.
Leon: Hey, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Lovely to meet you. Listen, why don't you help yourself to
the refreshment table there, I've got to have a few words
with Roz. [Leon goes to the table] Roz, we've got a problem.
Roz: What?
Frasier: In scoring this I had to eliminate the guitar part.
Roz: Well, put it back.
Frasier: Well, I can't, I'm afraid another instrument might make
things sound cluttered. Unless, of course, Leon can play the
bagpipes?
Roz: Bagpipes?!
Frasier: Yes, our show deals with the whole range of human emotion
from euphoria to despair and nothing says despair so quickly
as the scurl of a bagpipe.
Roz: Nothing says "turn off the radio" so quickly either. Isn't
there something else he can play?
Frasier: Well... [reads music:] yes, yes, actually, our triangle
player called in with a touch of tinnitus. Here we are.
[hands over triangle to Leon] Leon, I have some good news
for you. I had to eliminate the guitar part, but I'm
promoting you to first triangle.
Leon: I've never played one of these, it looks tricky.
Roz: I'll work with him. [takes stick]
Frasier: Yes, off you go.
Roz and Leon take their places.
Frasier: Well then, now people, before we start, I was wondering, are
there any questions?
The viola player puts her hand up.
Frasier: Yes, Viola.
Tiffany: My name is Tiffany.
Frasier: No, no, no, I'm calling you by your instrument name, so as
to avoid confusion.
Tiffany: I have a question about measure thirty four.
Frasier: A-ha, I thought you might. [looks at music] Yes, you see
I've accelerated the tempo there in order to depict the
yearning of the super-ego. It's very perceptive of you to
spot that.
Tiffany: No, I meant are these eighth notes or what?
Frasier: [patronising:] Yes, eighth notes! [then:] Anyone else?
The drummer raises his hand.
Frasier: Yes, Timpani.
Tiffany: You just answered my question.
Frasier: Not Tiffany; Timpani!
Drummer: What are we rehearsing this for? Are we going to record it?
Frasier: Yes, actually, we are waiting for the final go-ahead from my
station manager and then we will be recording it, yes.
Anyone else?
Niles raises his hand
Frasier: Yes, Actor.
Niles: [stands] I was just wondering how my monologue is going to
be audible over all of these instruments?
Frasier: It's a good point, Niles. [Niles waits for answer] You may
be seated. [Niles sits] You see, it is imperative that
everyone play "pianissimo" during the spoken portions: very,
very softly. That applies particularly to brass and timpani.
Tiffany: Why me?
Frasier: To the drums, Tiffany!
Martin and Daphne enter.
Frasier: Dad, Daphne, I'm so glad you came.
Daphne: Well, after all, it is the world premier of your theme song.
Frasier: Now I don't have to search you two for any hidden recording
devices, do I? [laughs] The last thing I need is some bootleg
CDs flooding the market.
Martin: Boy, you really got everything here, haven't you?!
Frasier: Oh, it's not a time for stinting, dad. I've got everything
from the African rainstick to the Javanese tam-tam.
Martin: [looking at the refreshment table] Are the tam-tams the long
ones with cream in the middle? [sits with Daphne]
Kenny enters.
Frasier: Oh, Kenny, Kenny, I'm so glad you made it. Listen, I think
you're in for a bit of a surprise.
Kenny: Well, I gotta tell ya', I don't surprise easily. [turns
around and notices the mass] Whoa!
Frasier: Our little ensemble. [laughs]
Kenny: So many musicians, all working on a weekend. [sits as Roz
joins him]
Frasier: Now, listen, I realise we're a little over budget and I
promise I will pick up the difference myself. All right, the
time has come to unveil my magnum opus. Just let me do a
little fine tuning on the opening fanfare. Brass, if you
will please, in four. The first measure.
Frasier counts them in before they play the measure.
Frasier: Well, you see that's fine as far as it goes but this time I
want you to do it with a bit more grandeur, with some
majesty and a soupçons of awe.
Frasier counts them in before they play exactly the same as before,
but he thinks it is different.
Frasier: There you see, that's what good conducting can do. All
right everyone, the time we've been waiting for is at hand.
And with a simple bow of thanks to the Muse, Calliope, let
us begin. And...
Frasier counts into the fanfare again. The orchestra begins to play
as the choir sings.
Choir: Whom can you turn to for prompt diagnosis?
A fetish or fantasy?
Sex or psychosis?
No problem at all let us handle your call,
On our show, on our show.
Bring us your traumas, your latent neurosis,
Erectile disfunction,
Bed-wetting, narcosis,
There's no need for shame,
You can use a false name,
On our show, on our show.
Niles: Who dares enter the dark labyrinth of the human mind?
What festering secrets are buried in the recesses of the
subconscious?
Lurid images,
Crude desires,
Guilty pleasures,
Strange compulsions, [a trombone plays]
The whole catalogue of human behaviour from the abulic to the
monstrous lurks behind a locked door to which one man holds
the key. [a gong is struck]
Choir: So if you are stymied to find a prognosis,
And ask yourself just like Freud,
In Movostasis,
Stop scratching your head,
Let us cure it instead,
On our show, on our show.
Now here is the man,
To explain,
The tortured terrain,
Of your brain,
The man who feels,
Everyone's pain,
Dr. Crane! Dr. Crane!
Frasier Craaaaaane! [Leon finishes with his triangle]
Daphne, Martin and Kenny look bewildered but Roz cheers on her
boyfriend.
Roz: [claps] Way to go, Leon!
Frasier turns to the audience.
Frasier: Well, Kenny, what's your reaction?
Kenny: [dumbfounded:] Wow!
Frasier: Takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Kenny: Wow!
Frasier: I thought as much and in anticipation of your approval I had
the forefoot to order in a little bubbly. Niles, if you
would help me please. [Niles stands] You were wonderful.
Niles: Thank you. The trombone frightened me.
Niles and Frasier exit leaving the audience to comment.
Kenny: Wow!
Martin: That was sure something, wasn't it? [laughs]
Daphne: I'll say, sort of like "Gilbert and Sullivan," only
frightening.
Kenny: A little jingle, that's all we wanted. Ten seconds to start
the show.
Roz: Maybe Frasier can cut this down.
Kenny: He gives me harps and drums and people speaking German! All
we wanted was a simple little jingle.
Daphne: [to Martin:] Probably more like the one you came up with.
Tell him yours, Mr. Crane.
Martin: Oh, no, no, it was nothing, I can't even remember how it
goes.
Daphne: Well, I do. [sings badly:] "How are you? I'm listening!"
Martin: It doesn't go like that.
Kenny: Well then, you sing it, Mr. Crane.
Martin: Well, all right, but it's really nothing. [sings:] "What's
new? I'm listening. Feeling' blue? I'm listening. Feelin'
sad, feelin' mad, feelin' bad, feelin' glad, I'm listening."
Kenny: That's exactly the kind of thing we're looking for. [Frasier
and Niles enter with champagne catching the last part:] You
know it sets the mood, it says it all, did that just pop
into your head?
Frasier: Hardly. It was gut-wrenching, but you know it's nice to know
that I made it look easy.
Kenny: No, no, no, I'm talking about your dad's little jingle.
Niles: Dad's?
Kenny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, he just sang it. It's exactly the type of
thing we need. You know, simple, catchy, you know, we ought
to just use that one.
Frasier: No, no, no, no, Kenny, no, no. If simple is what you wanted,
you should have just said so.
Kenny: I thought I did.
Frasier: Well, obviously not. Now that I know what you want, well,
there's nothing easier, of course I can write simple. Now I
promise you it will be something far more memorable than
what my dad came up with.
Kenny: Well, I don't know. I remember it. [sings:] "What's new?
I'm listening..."
Choir: [sings:] "Feelin' blue, I'm listening. Feelin' sad, feelin'
mad, feelin' bad, feelin' glad, I'm listening!"
Frasier: [angry:] You're off the clock! [exits]
IT'S WHY GERSHWIN'S TEETH WERE IMMACULATE
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
Frasier is messing about on the piano getting nowhere. He is playing
a nice piece until he gets stuck and finishes it with the end of the
tune "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
Martin: [enters] Hey, Fras'. How's it going?
Frasier: Merrily, merrily!
Martin: Well, you know, it's getting kinda late. Maybe you should
call it a night, huh?
Frasier: Dad, you heard Kenny. I have to come up with something as
simple as yours by Monday. [sarcastic:] By the way, thanks
once again for completely upstaging me today.
Martin: Oh, come on, I'm sorry I stole your thunder but it's not
like I did it on purpose.
Frasier: I know, I know. I'm sorry, it's just that I don't know why
I'm having such a hard time with this.
The two venture to the dining room table.
Martin: Well, maybe you're just thinking too much. Look at me, I go
to the bathroom, I'm flossing my teeth and that song pops in
my head.
Frasier: Are you suggesting that I bring out a spool of floss?
Martin: [laughs] Well, might not be a bad idea, for a couple of
reasons. [laughs] Frasier, why don't you just decide what
you want to say and say it, not a lot of big words and
showing off. You know, and the tune should be something
simple, something you can whistle. I tried whistling that
thing you wrote today and I got light-headed. Of course, it
might have been that last donut. I went back for one of
those African rainsticks!
Frasier: The truth is, dad, I'm not sure I can do simple.
Martin: Well, I don't know if you can't or if you just don't want
to, but you know, some the best things in the world are
simple, Frasier. Just like that art gallery you took me to
a couple of months ago, do you remember? You were ooohing
and aaaring over this painting of a big red dot...
Frasier: Yeah, yeah, dad, but there is a difference between simple
and deceptively simple.
Martin: Well, all I'm saying is that it's fine to be smart but you
shouldn't have to be proving it all the time, that's all.
You know, just as an experiment, Tell me what it is you're
trying to say, stripped down to nuts and bolts.
Frasier: All right, erm, in my first stanza I want to represent
myself as the Armbedsman between the conscious and
subconscious minds of my listeners.
Martin: Well, there you are, there's the song right there, all we
need is a rhyme for Armbedsman and then we can go to bed.
[laughs]
Frasier: [serious] Well, I was playing around with "north woodsman."
Martin: [laughs] Oh Frasier, look, I'm going to tell you what your
show is about. People have a problem, they're feeling low,
they call you, you make them feel better.
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, dad.
Martin: Well, that's it, why don't you write it down?
Frasier: How would that sound exactly? "If you've got a problem, if
you're feeling low, looking for some answers..." Oh, gosh,
[sarcastic] now I'm stuck! How will I ever find a rhyme for
low?
Martin: [laughs] Okay, smart alec! I was just trying to help.
Frasier: Thanks, dad, it's just not my thing.
Martin: Okay, well, I'm going to bed, so if you need any help
tomorrow, all you've got to do is ask. [exits]
Frasier: Thanks, dad.
Frasier then goes to the piano and tinkers with the song:
Frasier: [sings:] "If you've got a problem, if you're feeling low,
looking for some answers..."
Martin: [v.o sings:] "Things you need to know."
Frasier gives a look.
Scene Three - Radio Station.
Frasier, Roz and Kenny are listening to the jingle.
Choir: [sings:] "If you've got a problem, if you're feeling low,
looking for some answers, things you need to know. All you've
got to do is ask. All you've got to do is ask."
The jingle finishes with the ding of the triangle. They seem happy
with it.
End of Act Two.
Credits:
Frasier turns on his CD player and moves to the middle of the room to
give himself plenty of room to wield his conductor's baton. He
begins to conduct passionately to the music as Eddie comes running in
from the other room and perches on Martin's chair. At a cue from
Frasier, Eddie throws back his head and howls to the music. Frasier
is immensely gratified.
Guest Appearances
Special Guest Stars
Guest Starring
TOM BEYER as Singer
TOM BROOKS as Drummer
EDWARD HIBBERT as Gil Chesterton
CHRISTINE KILOJAN as Tiffany
TOM McGOWAN as Kenny
DAVID THOMPSON as Leon
Synopsis {kathy churay}
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE - KACL - FRASIER'S STUDIO
(Frasier, Roz, Gil, Kenny)
Frasier goes to a commercial as Gil enters the studio raving about his
newest restaurant find. Kenny enters a moment later to remind
Frasier he is overdue to submit the new theme song for his
show. Frasier promises to turn it in the by following Monday
and Kenny is mollified. As he leaves Frasier tells Roz that he's
tempted to compose his own theme song. Roz begs him to hire her new
boyfriend, Leon, a musician who's desperate for work, and on that note
they go back to the show.
SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S LIVING ROOM - THAT EVENING
(Frasier, Niles, Martin, Daphne)
Frasier answers the door to reveal Niles who has stopped by to pick up
Frasier for dinner. Frasier apologizes and begs off, explaining he
needs to write his theme song for the show during a quiet evening at
home. Just then Daphne appears with a noisy vacuum cleaner, but
Frasier makes her turn it off and offers Niles a sherry. Niles
accepts and offers to help Frasier with the song. Martin remarks
that he seems to remember Fraiser composing a musicale in prep
school. Frasier admits the deed, complimenting NIles on his acting
performance that evening as well. Niles remarks that he'd often
thought he'd be happy as a professional actor, and again offers Frasier
his help. Frasier says that he'd rather compose the song himself,
but NIles is welcome to stay and act as a sounding board, and they move
to the piano.
Scene Title: A Bridge Too Far
THE LIVING ROOM - LATER
Daphne sits at the table reading as the brothers work on the
song. They are pleased with it, but Frasier feels that the bridge
doesn't quite work. In a moment of inspiration he decides to
replace the bridge with a dramatic monologue spoken by an actor, and a
gleam comes into Niles's eye. He angles for the part with what he
imagines is subtlety, and Fraiser readily agrees.
Martin comes in and observes that Frasier may be making his song much too
complicated. He demonstrates his point by singing a short jingle he
made up while brushing his teeth. Daphne thinks it's wonderful, but
Frasier dismisses it with the pointed observation that he promised his
listeners that he would compose the song himself. Martin heads off
to bed and the brothers go back to work. Frasier is still not quite
satisfied -- it seems something, some little thing, is still
missing....
DISSOLVE TO:
KACL - THE LARGE STUDIO - A DAY OR TWO LATER
(Frasier, Niles, Orchestra)
Frasier stands at a conductor's podium in front of a small orchestra,
asking them to try the song again before the choir arrives.
ACT TWO
SCENE ONE - KACL - THE LARGE STUDIO - MOMENTS LATER
(Frasier, Niles, Orchestra, Choir, Roz, Leon, Martin, Daphne,
Kenny)
The choir arrives protesting that their bus broke down and they had to
walk two miles to the studio. Frasier is unsympathetic and directs
them to their places as Niles approaches Fraiser with an objection about
a paragraph he's cut from Niles's speech. And while he's at it, he
wonders what all the musicians are doing there -- after all, isn't less
more? Frasier condescendingly explains that in this case, more is
actually more, and directs Niles to his seat.
Frasier turns to greet the musicians but is interrupted by the arrival of
Roz and Leon, who is carrying a guitar. Frasier directs Leon to the
refreshment table and whispers to Roz that unfortunately he's had to
eliminate the guitar part from the score. Roz demands that he
restore it and Frasier refuses, but hands Leon the triangle
instead. Leon is confused but Roz says she'll work with him and
leads him off to the side. Frasier turns back to the musicians to
take questions before starting.
Daphne and Martin enter the studio and Frasier greets them warmly.
Daphne is impressed with the orchestra, but Martin is more interested in
the buffet table. Kenny enters right behind them and is taked aback
at the sight of so many musicians -- working on a weekend. Frasier
assures Kenny that he will be financially responsible for any costs over
the agreed ad budget, and Kenny takes his seat along with Roz, Daphne and
Martin.
With a humble bow to the muse Calliope Frasier gives the downbeat and the
music begins with a regal fanfare. The orchestra is crisp and
professional, and the choir performs with remarkable energy the
ridiculously pompous lyrics Frasier has composed to celebrate himself and
his show. Niles delivers his stirring monologue with
conviction and the piece comes to a rousing conclusion, with a final
flourish by Leon and his triangle.
Frasier turns to Kenny expectantly, who is so stunned that he can only
repeat, "Wow..." Frasier takes this for approval and
triumphantly exits the studio with Niles to retrieve the champagne he has
chilling to celebrate the completion of his opus. Kenny remarks
sadly that all he wanted was a simple ten-second jingle. Daphne
urges Martin to sing the jingle he composed in the bathroom. Martin
balks but when Daphne starts singing, quickly takes over and delivers his
jingle with polish.
Kenny admires the jingle and starts complimenting Martin as Frasier and
Niles enter with glasses of champagne. Frasier thinks the
compliments are for him until Kenny sets him straight. Frasier
protests that if Kenny had wanted simple he should have said so.
Kenny says that he can remember the song after only one hearing, and
sings the first few bars to demonstrate. Some of the choir singers
chime in with the missing bars, proving Kenny's point. Icily
Frasier informs the choir that they are off the clock and stalks out of
the studio.
Scene Title: It's Why Gershwin's Teeth Were Immaculate
SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S LIVING ROOM - THAT NIGHT
(Frasier, Martin)
Frasier is working away at the piano and getting nowhere. Martin
enters in his bathrobe and offers his sympathy, which Frasier doesn't
accept. He sarcastically thanks his father for upstaging him that
day at the studio and tells Martin that he can't finish the song.
As usual Martin tells him that he is overcomplicating the whole
matter. After all, Martin composed the jingle while flossing his
teeth. Frasier confesses that he's afraid he may have lost the
ability to be simple. Martin urges Frasier to tell him what he was
trying to say in the jingle, in simple terms. Frasier gives it a
try but can't put it into words of less than three syllables.
Martin suggests a simplified description of his show: People have a
problem, they're feeling low, they call Frasier, and he makes them feel
better. Frasier is scornful and Martin heads off to the bedroom in
defeat. As soon as he's gone, Frasier sits down at the piano and
tries to put his father's idea to music, Martin chiming in from the
bedroom as Frasier grimaces.
SCENE THREE - KACL - FRASIER'S STUDIO - MONDAY
(Kenny, Roz, Frasier)
The three listen to several of the choir singers on tape singing the
short jingle that Frasier was last working on. It's brief, it's
catchy, it's in Martin's words, and it even has a spot for Leon's
triangle solo at the end. Finally everybody looks satisfied, even
Frasier.
CREDIT TAG - FRASIER'S LIVING ROOM
Frasier turns on his CD player and moves to the middle of room to
give himself plenty of room to wield his conductor's baton. He
begins to conduct passionately to the music as Eddie comes running in
from the other room and perches on Martin's chair. At a cue from
Frasier, Eddie throws back his head and howls to the music. Frasier
is immensely gratified.
FADE OUT. END OF SHOW
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by Nick Hartley, Kathy
Churay. This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright
of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
