Farewell, Nervosa Written by Eric Zicklin
Directed by Kelsey Grammer
=====================================================================
Production Code: 10.20
Episode Number In Production Order: 235
Filmed:
Original Airdate on NBC: April 22nd, 2003
Transcript written on April 27th, 2003
Julia Wilcox Episodes
[10.12] The Harassed
[10.15] Trophy Girlfriend
[10.16] Fraternal Schwinns
Transcript {David Langley}
Act 1
Scene 1 - KACL
[Fade in. Frasier is on the air.]
Frasier: Which not only helps in the healing process, but also
provides one with the confidence to go forward, in spite of
the fear this kind of trauma can cause. Honestly, I can't
say enough about these medicated bandage strips. But thank
you for asking, Jordan.
[He happily wiggles his finger, Roz looks bored to tears.]
Frasier: Up next is the stock market report with Julia Wilcox.
[He switches off and there is a knock at the door. Frasier waves the
man in.]
Frasier: Hello, Avery. Impeccable timing.
Avery: Good to see you Frasier.
[He reaches out and shakes Frasier's hand.]
Frasier: Yes, hello. Oh, careful, careful. Paper cut.
Avery: Yes, I caught the last half hour of your show.
[Roz comes in.]
Frasier: Ah. Oh, Roz, come meet an old friend of mine. Avery
McManus, this is Roz Doyle, my producer.
Avery: Lovely to meet you.
Roz: Same here.
Frasier: Avery and I used to live across the hall from each other back
at Oxford, now he lives in Seattle. A very accomplished
accountant who's going to take me on as a client.
Roz: Well, my taxes could use some serious doing.
Frasier: Roz, he's married. [ushering her back to her side] I tell
you what: I'll be back in about an hour to go over this
month's "Best of".
Avery: Oh, I don't think an hour is going to be long enough,
Frasier. Your finances are a mess. Your spending's out of
control.
Frasier: Well that's impossible. I'm very prudent.
Avery: Then what about this nine thousand dollar caviar bill from
last month? And what's with you and wine? I had to take on
an associate just to go through your sherry receipts. And
then...
Frasier: Gosh, you know, I've completely forgotten myself. How is
Amanda? I don't believe I've seen her since the wedding.
Avery: Amanda's great. She made partner.
[Julia walks in.]
Julia: Okay, everybody, the "I'm a Pathetic Loser" show is over.
Frasier: My listeners are not pathetic losers.
Julia: I wasn't referring to your listeners.
Avery: You're Julia Wilcox.
Julia: Yes, I am.
Avery: You wrote "Practical Applications of Econometrics".
Julia: Yes, I did.
Avery: I loved that book. Avery McManus.
Julia: Oh, it's a pleasure to meet a fan, Avery.
[She turns to Frasier.]
Julia: A fan is someone who enjoys your work.
Frasier: Yes, and do you know what they call someone who can't stand
your work?
Julia: In your case, the public.
[She sits down for her show.]
Frasier: She was supposed to say "What?" and I was going to say "Me."
Oh, come on, let's get out of here.
[He walks off in a huff. Avery smiles at Julia then heads out too.
Fade out.]
Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment
[Fade in. Eddie is on the couch. Martin is on Daphne's massage table
while she works him over.]
Martin: Ow! How come you only rub where it hurts?
Daphne: Your sons hired me to torture you so that's what I'm doing.
Martin: Ow! Eddie, Daddy's in trouble. Sic her!
[Eddie lifts his head to look at Martin, then lays back down.]
Daphne: Okay, all done, old man. And I hope you got your griping out
of your system, because I need you to be on your best behavior
next time.
[He gets to his feet.]
Martin: Why?
Daphne: Because, the agency won't assign me any more clients until an
evaluator observes me at work.
[He sits in his chair.]
Martin: Oh, geez. I don't want to go on display like some trained seal.
Daphne: Please? I'll give you some treats.
Martin: Treats, huh? Okay.
[She starts putting her things away as Frasier comes in the front door.]
Martin: Hey, Fraizh. How was your trip to the accountant?
Frasier: Fine, fine. Uh, why are all these lights on? All right,
I'll be honest with you. Avery had some very stern warnings
for me. The situation isn't dire, but it could become
serious if I don't change my ways.
Martin: Well, that doesn't sound too tough. Get balcony seats at the
opera.
Daphne: And stop throwing away your change.
Frasier: Oh, that was one time! And if you'd seen that cashier's
fingernails, you'd have done the same thing. All right, the
point is I have to come up with a plan. A plan... Perhaps
a ruminative latte will do me some good at Nervosa.
Martin: What? You just had a whole new espresso machine shipped here
from Italy!
Frasier: Yes, well I'm waiting for the cups!
[He dons his coat and heads for the door.]
Frasier: Besides, Nervosa is more to me than just a place for coffee.
It's my refuge, my sanctuary for contemplation. Oh! Oh,
I've just had a cost-saving idea! Daphne, you're family
now and yet I still pay you full price for Dad's therapy.
[Daphne looks outraged.]
Frasier: All right, I'll keep thinking. Off I go!
[He leaves. Fade out.]
Scene 3 – Café Nervosa
[Fade in. Niles and Frasier are chatting at a table.]
Niles: This happens every time you hire a new accountant. You let
their fear get to you. But remember: it's Avery's job to
worry about your finances, not yours.
Frasier: Yes, of course it is, of course it is. He's the
professional. Thanks so much, Niles, that's really quite
helpful. I feel better now. Excuse me, change my
shortbread order to tart tatin. One for my brother, please,
a la mode.
Niles: He's back.
[They happily start to drink, only to be interrupted by a loud jangling
chord from an electric guitar. A man is playing by the door.]
Ben: You ready for some more music, Seattle?
[Everyone applauds.]
Ben: Great!
[He starts strumming away again. Frasier rushes over and unplugs his
amplifier. The crowd groans.]
Frasier: I quite agree! I am sorry, young man. If we wanted to hear
your music, we would attend one of your concerts. In the bus
station.
Ben: Well, people seem to like it. Here, they clap along, and
it's been enough to keep me out of the three piece cage.
Frasier: The what?
Ben: The suit, man, the suit.
[A woman walks up.]
Maureen: Excuse me, is there a problem?
Frasier: Well, yes, as a matter of fact there is. This man is making
it impossible for me to converse with my brother.
Maureen: I think he's great.
Frasier: Ah. I understand. You two are friends. Perhaps you used
to "gig" together in your salad days. But if you wish to
alter the atmosphere of this cafe, I suggest you consult with
the owner.
Maureen: I am the owner.
Frasier: Oh really. Well, I'm Frasier Crane, it's a pleasure.
Maureen: Maureen Nervosa.
Frasier: Really? Well, I happen to be one of your core customers,
Ms. Nervosa. In of fact, I spend over three thousand dollars
a year here, which I just found out today.
Niles: Frasier, people are starting to stare. Let's just come back
tomorrow afternoon when the cafe is quieter.
Maureen: Actually, Ben will be playing afternoons from now on.
Frasier: Really? Well you know, I, I would think about that.
Although we do adore your establishment, if there is one
thing we can find in Seattle it is another coffee shop.
Ben: Yeah, but not many of them will let you change in the men's
room.
Frasier: Now, I don't relish the idea of asking you this, but I'm
afraid you will have to choose. Either...
Maureen: I choose Ben.
Frasier: I see. Well, farewell, Nervosa. It's been a splendid
decade, but I'm afraid your brew has become a bit too bold
for my brother and me. Come, Niles, let's go.
Niles: But, I don't want to go. Nervosa is my haven, my cocoon.
Ben: This next one's called "The Wild Rover"!
[The crowd applauds as Niles starts to follow Frasier.]
Ben: I've been a wild rover, for many a year.
And I spent all me money on whisky and beer.
[Maureen taps Niles on the shoulder, then takes the cup and saucer back
from him. He follows Frasier out. Cut to - the outside as they glance
dejectedly in the window.]
Ben: And now I'm returning with gold in great store,
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
And it's no, nay, never...no, nay, never no more...
[The brothers walk off. Fade out.]
Scene 4 - Another Coffee Shop
THREE DAYS AND
FIVE COFFEE SHOPS LATER...
[Fade in. Frasier and Niles are at the counter.]
Frasier: My name is Frasier, this is my brother Niles. We're thinking
of making this our regular haunt.
Steve: [deadpan] Way to go.
Frasier: We'll have two espressos, please. I'm sorry, and your name
is?
Steve: Steve.
Frasier: Stephen. Outstanding.
Steve: Just Steve.
Frasier: Steve. I look forward to years of this sort of lively
banter.
[He pays for the coffee and he and Niles go over to a table.]
Niles: They found a way to bring the charm of an airport to a
mid-town location.
Frasier: Now, Niles, let's try to be positive, this may be out new
home.
[Niles dusts off his chair and they sit.]
Frasier: Yes, this will do nicely. This will be our regular table.
[pointing] And that will be our backup regular table.
[Julia comes in.]
Frasier: Oh, perhaps we should keep looking.
[They rise.]
Frasier: Hello, Julia.
Julia: Hello, Frasier. Wow, who's this? Your stunt double?
[Frasier pats Niles on the back.]
Frasier: This is my brother Niles. Niles, I'd like you to meet my
colleague, Julia Wilcox.
Niles: How do you do?
[They shake.]
Julia: Wow, that's very good, Frasier, I didn't even see your lips
move. I thought you always go to Nervosa.
Frasier: Well, sadly, no more. They've hired a terribly annoying folk
singer, whose hideous noise making has made it impossible for
me to enjoy my one sanctuary.
Julia: I didn't ask for your life story.
[Steve brings their coffees over.]
Frasier: Steve, I'm afraid we'll be taking these to go, thank you.
Julia: Oh, glad to hear it. Goodbye, Frasier. Goodbye, Emergency
Frasier.
[She walks to the counter.]
Niles: I don't like her.
Frasier: I don't like her cafe anymore. Let's go.
[Steve brings their coffees back in take out cups.]
Frasier: Oh, thank you, Steve. I'm sorry to have to tell you this,
but I'm afraid my brother and I will not be the everyday
stalwarts I predicted we would be.
Steve: Damn. Every time I open my heart...
[Getting the hint, the boys just smile, nod, and leave. Julia heads
to the back of the cafe. A man puts down his newspaper and rises. It
is Avery. Frasier comes back in to get some sugar packets and turns
just in time to see them embrace and kiss. He stares in shock, hides
his face and hurries out. Fade out.]
Act 2
Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment
[Fade in. Martin is in his chair while Daphne sets up her massage
table. Frasier is pacing.]
Frasier: You know, Avery was always a bit of a playboy, but honestly
I thought marriage would settle him down. I should just tell
Julia that he's married. But then again, she's been so rude
to me, why should I do something nice for her? But then
again, can I just sit idly by and keep my mouth shut?
Martin: I can answer that one.
Daphne: Doesn't he wear a ring?
Frasier: No, but I know he has one. I was at the wedding. Dad, you
see I'm facing a perplexing dilemma, here. Some guidance
would be welcome.
[He sits down on the couch.]
Martin: No it wouldn't. You always ask my opinion, and then
completely ignore it. Well this time, while I've got the
floor, I'm gonnna talk about what I want to talk about.
NBA referees need to enforce the traveling rule. It's
dribble-one step-shoot, not dribble-step-step-step-STEP-
shoot! Thank you.
Frasier: That was very helpful. I guess I'll just do what I always
do: sort through this myself.
[He gets up and puts on his jacket.]
Frasier: All right, I'm off to Nervosa. No. I'm off to that...other
place where young Steve works. No. That's Avery and Julia's
place. Well, I hope you're both satisfied, now I don't know
where the hell I'm going!
[He grabs his keys and leaves. Fade out.]
Scene 2 - Yet Another Coffee Shop
[Fade in. Frasier is standing at the counter.]
Frasier: I'm hashing over an ethical dilemma, so I think I could use
some black coffee.
Server: What size would you like?
Frasier: Uh, I've got a lot to ponder, so I think a large.
Server: I'm afraid we don't have large, sir. We have piccolo, macho,
mucho and mucho macho.
Frasier: I see. Uh, do you happen to know what size would correspond
to a Nervosa grande?
Server: No. But our mucho is about the same as the semi-colossal
over at Don't Spill the Beans.
Frasier: Ah, ah, all right. I know that their colossal is comparable
to a Nervosa grande, so the semi-colossal would be three
quarters of a colossal, so the mucho and the semi-colossal
would be equivalent... so I should have the mucho macho. But
only fill it five-eighths.
Server: Yes sir. For fifty cents extra, we can pre-heat the vessel.
Frasier: No. Can we just move this along, please?
Server: I understand completely. Your zip-code, please?
[Frasier looks at him questioningly.]
Server: [whispering] You don't have to give your real zip if you
don't want to.
Frasier: [whispering too] Than what's the point?
Server: It unlocks the cash register.
Frasier: Put in whatever code you wish. [He hands over the cash.]
Here we are. Now, I'd just like a cup of coffee and a quiet
place to drink it.
Server: Can do, sir. Okay, here's your change, you're number four,
I'll bring it to your bean bag.
[Frasier drops the extra one in the tips basket and turns, stone faced,
to the bean bags seats spread around the shop. Steeling himself, he
walks over to one and lowers himself, finally plopping against the
wall. Fade out.]
Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment
[Fade in. The evaluator is there to observe Daphne's work with
Martin.]
Evelyn: Now, you have a bullet lodged in your hip, correct?
Martin: Do I? Oh, that's right, I do. Sometimes I forget, the way
Daphne takes care of me. She's the best.
Evelyn: All right. And how would you rate your level of comfort
during therapy?
Martin: Oh, I don't think you can come up with a number high enough,
so I'll just say... thirty.
[The Evelyn's cell phone rings and she gets it.]
Evelyn: Sorry. Oh, it's my nanny. Well, not MY nanny. Wouldn't that
be somethin'? Do you mind?
Daphne: No, please, go ahead.
[She points and the Evelyn walks back towards the coat balcony doors.]
Evelyn: Hi.
Daphne: What are you doing?
Martin: What do you think? I'm makin' you look good.
Daphne: Yeah, well stop it. My work speaks for itself.
Martin: Oh, Daphne, I love you but sometimes you can be so naive.
Sure you're good at the job, but you need a little
salesmanship. That's why I'm here.
Daphne: If you so much as...
[She breaks off as the evaluator returns.]
Evelyn: Sorry about that. Suzy got stuck in the laundry chute again.
Daphne: Oh, poor thing. How old is she?
Evelyn: What's the difference? After tomorrow, she's not our nanny
anymore. All right, shall we begin, Martin?
Martin: Are you kidding? This is my favorite part of the day.
[He gets up and settles on the massage table.]
Evelyn: Whenever you're ready, Daphne.
Daphne: First I like to start with some simple range-of-motion
exercises to warm up the muscles.
Martin: Oh, am I on a cloud? 'Cause that's how it feels, like I'm on
a cloud.
Daphne: Then some strokes around the flexus smoothing out any knots.
Evelyn: And do you feel any discomfort, Martin?
Martin: Discomfort? Try disbelief. I don't know how she does it.
Evelyn: You know, physical therapy shouldn't be a pleasure trip. It
is challenging, healing work. You really need to be digging
into the muscles there, Daphne.
Daphne: Yeah, I...
Evelyn: Let me show you.
[She takes Daphne's place and starts in.]
Martin: Ahhhh! That did it, all right.
Evelyn: Oh, that's not so bad. I think you've just been pampered a
little too long, huh?
[She starts to press in with her elbow.]
Martin: Ohhh!
Evelyn: That is the sound of progress. Think you can work like this?
Daphne: Watch me.
[She laces her fingers and bends them back to crack the knuckles.
Martin looks worried, then lets out a small, nervous noise. Fade out.]
Scene 4 – Café Nervosa
[Fade in. Roz and Niles are sitting at a table together.]
Roz: You can stop checking the door. Frasier swore he'd never come
back here.
Niles: Oh, I'm not worried about him. Yes, we do have a pact to
boycott Nervosa, but I only came in her because I saw you
sitting alone and I thought you needed company.
[Ben has set up again.]
Ben: Are you ready for some more music?
[The patrons respond enthusiastically, Niles less so.]
Niles: Oh, fudge. Time to go.
Roz: Why don't you like Ben? He's really nice. He was selling his
CDs outside, I got "Abbey Road" and the soundtrack from
"Grease".
Ben: I'm gonna need a little bit of help with this one. [pointing
to Niles] What about you, sir, what about you?
Roz: Yeah.
Ben: Can you keep a steady beat for me?
Niles: Sorry, no.
Ben: What do you think, Nervosa? Is he the man for the job?
[Everyone applauds, Roz pushes Niles forward as he protests.]
Ben: He doesn't really think you mean it.
[Everyone claps louder, Roz gives him a big shove.]
Roz: Go!
Niles: [to Ben] If I do this, will you take a break?
Ben: Yeah, I love breaks, bloke. He says yes!
[Ben hands Niles a small maraca and starts to play, Niles interrupts
him.]
Niles: Sorry, are you going to stick with that 4/4 tempo?
Ben: Yeah, yeah.
[Ben starts playing again, Niles interrupts again.]
Niles: Would you call that sort of an andante feeling?
Ben: Just shake it, okay?!
[He starts once more. Niles covers his ear and starts shaking the
sand.]
Ben: Tie me kangaroo down, sport, tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport, tie me kangaroo down.
Watch me wallaby feed, mate, watch me wallaby feed.
It's a dangerous breed, mate, watch me wallaby feed.
All together now...
[Niles gets a little more into it, smiling as everyone claps and sings
along.]
Ben: Tie me kangaroo down, sport, tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport, tie me kangaroo down.
Let's show 'em!
[Ben plays strong and loud as Niles starts to stamp his feet and dance
in rhythm. He becomes more and more flamboyant, snapping his fingers
and shaking the maraca over is head as Frasier comes in.]
Frasier: Niles!
[Everyone stops and silence falls. Niles breaks for the door, shoving
past Frasier.]
Frasier: Don't you run, you coward!
Ben: I'll be right back. Oh, by the way, ten dollars is still the
best price for "Quadrifinia".
[He rushes out as Frasier goes over to Roz's table.]
Roz: Well, well, look who's here. I thought you were Nervosa non
grata.
Frasier: I had no place else to go.
Server: Would you like your usual?
Frasier: More than you could possibly know.
[Ben has come back in and strums his guitar.]
Ben: This is a song I wrote about doing the right thing.
Frasier: Oh, lord, I'm gonna need that to go.
Ben: I think we always know in our hearts what the right thing is,
but we don't always have the courage to do it. In my case,
I knew this guy, what was playin' around with a woman. But
what she didn't know was, he already had a girlfriend.
[Frasier looks up at this.]
Ben: Anyway, I was the only one who knew the facts, but what was I to
do? Tell the guy to back off? Tell the girl that she was dating
a sleaze? So I thought, and I thought and here's what I done.
[Frasier looks hopeful. Ben strums, but there is a twang.]
Ben: Oh, what a drag, I broke a string. Anyway, I'll be back in a
mo'.
[He sets the guitar down and Frasier rushes over to him.]
Frasier: Excuse me, excuse me.
Ben: What?
Frasier: What happened?
Ben: What?
Frasier: In the song, what happened?
Ben: I have to think all the way through it. Uh, "I knew a guy
who had the wandering eye..."
Frasier: Yes, we know that part. What next?
Ben: "He met a lady, he told her a lie..."
Frasier: Right, and then?
Ben: Chorus. Repeat chorus.
Frasier: Yes, yes, but the end. How did it end?
Ben: [singing loudly] "San Antonia Blues!"
[Frasier just stares at him a moment, then turns and leaves the cafe.
Fade out.]
Scene 5 - Avery's Office
[Fade in. There is a pounding on the door and Avery hurries to get it.]
Avery: I said I'm coming!
[He opens the door to reveal Frasier.]
Avery: Frasier. What can I do for you?
Frasier: [coming in] Avery, we need to talk.
Avery: I'm a little busy at the moment.
Frasier: I'm sorry, it can't wait. I know about you and Julia Wilcox.
Avery: I have no idea what you're...
Frasier: Oh, stop that! You are a married man. I realize this may
be fun and games to you, but she could get hurt.
Avery: This is really not a good time.
Frasier: And why the hell not?
Julia: Because I'm in the closet!
[She steps out, looking a bit put off.]
Frasier: I had no idea. I didn't mean for you to overhear...
Julia: What? That Avery is married? I already know.
Frasier: You do?
Julia: We're having an affair, you idiot.
[Frasier looks chagrined.]
Frasier: Well, I'm sorry. I thought I was helping you.
Julia: Are you finished helping yet?
Frasier: Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I'm also finished thinking
that you and I owe each other the loyalty of professional
kinship. From this day forward we are merely coworkers, cut
and dried. [to Avery] And as for you, I am deducting my
mileage here as a business expense.
[He walks out.]
Avery: Unbelievable. Are you all right?
Julia: Yeah, yeah. He was just trying to help, in his own heavy
handed way.
Avery: He was always trying to be the hero. You know, one night back
at Oxford, he crawled out onto a ledge to rescue what turned
out to be a gargoyle.
[They share a laugh and his phone rings. He goes over to check it.]
Avery: Ah, it's my wife. Excuse me.
[He answers.]
Avery: Hello? ... Hello, darling. ... Well, I miss you too. ... Ah,
not long.
[He continues talking as Julia steps away, looking pensive. Fade out.]
Scene 6 - Cafe Nervosa
[Fade in. Frasier walks in and goes over to the counter.]
Frasier: When does the alleged music start?
Server: It doesn't. Ben quit.
Frasier: Really? Why?
Server: Ask him yourself.
[Frasier turns to see Ben walking in, wearing a three piece suit.]
Frasier: Well, well. That's quite a sharp looking three piece cage.
What happened?
Ben: Well you know, I don't really know. Some little blonde doxy
came in here and hooked me up with a job at the Pelham Bay
bank. [to server] Have you got my check, old man?
Server: In the back. [to Frasier] Do you want that for here or to go?
Frasier: For here. I'm staying.
[Julia walks up behind him.]
Julia: Congratulations, Frasier. You got your cafe back.
Frasier: Whatever.
[She starts to head out.]
Frasier: Say, Julia, wait.
[She turns back.]
Frasier: Didn't you used to be on the board of the Pelham Bay Bank?
Julia: You want to know my bio? Go to my website.
[She leaves. Frasier smiles and gets his coffee. Fade out.]
Credits:
Maureen Nervosa is going over an application with Steve. Approving,
she hands him an apron and he gets to work, shaking hands with the
other counterman. Frasier and Niles come in and recognize him.
Recognizing them, he takes off his apron and walks out the door.
Guest Appearances
Special Guest Stars
FELICITY HUFFMAN as Julia
JOHN HANNAH as Avery McManus
ELVIS COSTELLO as Ben
Guest Starring
ALEX BORSTEIN as Evelyn
AMY HILL as Maureen Nervosa
KEVIN DANIELS as Steve
MATT BESSER as Server
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2003 by David Langley. This episode
summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright of Paramount
Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
