Roz And The Schnoz Written by Jeffrey Richman
Directed by Ken Levine
=====================================================================
Production Code: 5.21.
Original Airdate on NBC: 5th May 1998
Transcript written on 11th September 1999
Transcript revised on 5th June 2001
Peri Gilpin Introduces... {nick hartley}
On Paramount Comedy Channel's "Frasier Weekend" Peri Gilpin (who
plays Roz Doyle) introduced this episode of Frasier. She was sat on
the set of "Café Nervosa" as she said the following:
Peri: Roz and Schnoz is one of my favourites because I'm about nine
months pregnant, I'm just about to have this baby, I find out
that I'm going to meet the parents of the father of my child.
I'm nervous, I don't want to meet them, I realise I have to and
they show up and they've both got these GIANT noses.
A clip of Roz and Schnoz is shown. Paula and Steve are in Frasier's
apartment talking to Frasier:
Steve: We hope this isn't too awkward for her. She sounded a
little anxious on the phone.
Paula: Then again, who could blame her? She doesn't know what
kind of people we are. A situation like this is enough to make
anyone a little nervous.
Frasier: Well, actually you know, Roz really isn't the nervous type.
Roz then opens the powder room door and nearly falls over when she
sees the two large noses. The clip then finishes as Peri resumes.
Peri: The couple that plays the couple are a couple in real life. And
they played it so beautifully and so well that we could not get
through a take. The audience was laughing, we were laughing, in
fact you can see in the episode that people are just laughing
in the background.
Another clip of the episode now has Niles, Daphne, Frasier, Roz and
the Garretts in Frasier's apartment. Niles and Daphne are trying to
control their laughter without success.
Frasier: Roz, why don't you show the Garrett's the view?
Paula: Oh yes that would be nice, I could use a breath of fresh air.
Niles and Daphne break apart laughing. Peri resumes as the clip ends.
Peri: We couldn't get a straight take, it's wonderful that way.
End Of Introduction (Time: 1:00)
Transcript {nick hartley}
Act One.
Scene One - Café Nervosa.
It's the afternoon when Niles is sipping his coffee reading the
newspaper. Frasier enters and takes the seat next to him.
Frasier: Hello, Niles.
Niles: Oh, Frasier, listen to this: [reads from paper:] Michael
Hawkins of Allentown, Pensylvania, has agreed to donate his
right lung to his younger brother Clovis. Says Hawkins, "I
got two lungs, but I only got one brother." Isn't that
something?
Frasier: It certainly is.
Niles: The love one brother feels for the other.
Frasier: [not surprised:] Hmm, what do you want?
Niles: I need you to come to a dog show with me.
Frasier: I would rather give you a lung! [to passing waitress:]
Latte, please.
Niles: Frasier, I beg you. It's at the Seattle Kennel Club tomorrow
night and I can't go alone, Maris will be there.
Frasier: And in what class will Maris be showing?
Niles: She'll be showing no class! [they laugh] As she has ever since
she hooked up with that reptile, Dr. Schenkman. This will
be my first time seeing them since we filed for divorce.
Frasier: You know, here's an idea, Niles: Don't go!
Niles: I've never missed the kennel club show. If I don't go this
year, people will think I've let Maris and Schenkman
intimidate me! I want to prove that I'm strong and
independent, and I can't do that alone.
Frasier: Well, alright Niles, if it's moral support you need, I'll go
with you.
Niles: I'll pick you up around eight.
Frasier: All right.
Niles: [looks at watch] And I have a patient. [packs things up].
Thank you, thank you, I knew I could count on you for this,
Frasier. It's nice to know that some things never change.
Roz enters the cafe in a harried state, carrying two suitcases.
Roz: Do you guys know where I can get a cheap hotel in a hurry?
Niles: Case in point! Goodbye, Roz.
Niles gets up and leaves as Roz takes his seat.
Frasier: Roz, why do you need a hotel room?
Roz: I was supposed to move into my new place today, but they're
still painting it. I can't be around those fumes, and they've
already rented my old apartment. [to waitress who is bringing
Frasier's coffee:] Grandé de-caf Latte, please.
[to Frasier:] I am literally on the streets.
Frasier: You just ordered a four-dollar cup of coffee. "On the
street" may be a tad dramatic.
Roz: Well, I've got to start calling around, see if I can find
something.
Frasier: You know Roz, if you're stuck, my dad's going to San
Francisco for the weekend. You can always stay with me.
Roz: Wow! That would sure make things easier. [quick:] Okay.
Frasier: [surprised:] Well then, that's settled. That's that, then.
Roz: [realises:] Oh, you were just being polite, you didn't
really mean for me to take you up on it.
Frasier: [covering:] No, no, no, no. I wouldn't have suggested it if
it wasn't something I wanted to do. You should know that.
Roz: All right.
Waitress: [brings coffee and bill:] Here you go. There's your check.
Roz: I'll get that.
Frasier: No, no, no, let me get that.
Roz: Okay. [hands it to him:]
Frasier: Well then, lucky me - I'm getting everything I want today.
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
Frasier enters his apartment to find a rather worked-up Martin.
Throughout this all of Martin's lines sound as if he is stressed.
Martin: Well it's about time!
Frasier: Calm down, dad.
Martin: I was starting to get worried.
Frasier: We've got plenty of time.
Martin: My plane leaves at five ó clock.
Frasier: I just stopped off for your blood pressure medicine.
Martin: I don't need it!
Frasier: [stressed too:] Well, pack it anyway!
Martin calms down and takes the bag that Frasier has brought in.
He takes something out and it's a jewellery ring case.
Martin: What's this? [opens it:] Earrings?
Frasier: Oh, just a little something I picked up for Daphne at the
drug store. She ran some errands for me last week.
Martin: Nice. What are they, sapphires?
Frasier: [sarcastic:] Yes dad, I always buy precious stones at the
same counter I pick up corn pads and Wart Be-Gone!
Daphne: [enters from her room:] Shouldn't you two be going?
Frasier: Oh, actually Daphne, we're just on our way but first there's
a little something I wanted to give you - just a little token of
my appreciation.
Daphne: [excited, takes box:] Oh, Dr. Crane, you remembered!
Frasier: Well, of... course I did.
Frasier looks at Martin, who shrugs to show he doesn't have a clue.
Daphne: Can you believe it was five years ago today that I came to
work here? I just knew you wouldn't let an important
occasion like this go by unnoticed, but I wasn't expecting a
gift.
Frasier: Well, it's a small gift, a tiny gift...
Daphne: [opens the box and is shocked] Oh my God, sapphires!
Frasier: [worried:] Well, actually Daphne...
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, these must have cost a fortune!
Frasier: Well, I-
Daphne: [blabbering:] You know my friend Molly got a diamond bracelet
from her boss but she worked for him for ten years and she was
sleeping with him! And now I've got sapphires! And I didn't
even have to sleep with you! Although, now that I've got the
sapphires - Oh God, what am I saying? I'm giddy! Is it rude
if I go and try these on? I don't care! I have to see what
these look like! I've never had real jewellery, before, never!
I'm speechless!
She runs to her room, leaving Frasier shell-shocked.
Frasier: Dear God, she believes they're genuine sapphires.
Martin: [sarcastic:] Gee, ya think?
Frasier: I'm going to have to tell her the truth.
Martin: Why? Didn't you see how happy she was, just let her enjoy
them.
Frasier: I can't let her think I gave her something I didn't. Honesty
between friends is far more precious than any gem. I'm sure
Daphne feels exactly the same way.
Daphne, however, enters, still on a high, now wearing them.
Daphne: I feel like a princess! I'm never going to take them off!
Oh thank you, [hugs him] thank you, thank you. [laughs]
Frasier: Daphne, you know, I'm glad you like them...
Daphne: And you even remembered that sapphires are my birthstone.
Is there no end to your thoughtfulness?
Frasier: Somebody has to keep track of these things.
Martin: [stressed again:] You know, I really should be getting to
the airport!
Frasier: All right dad, I'll get my keys!
Daphne: No, no, absolutely not, I'll drive Mr. Crane. From now on
you're not lifting a finger around here. [to Martin:] You
ring for the elevator, I'll just grab my coat.
Martin: All right, but don't dawdle. My flight's at five, they told
me to get there an hour early.
Martin gets his luggage and moves over to the corridor outside
Frasier's apartment. He is waiting for the elevator when Frasier
comes out to see him off.
Frasier: Did you remember to pack your medicine?
Martin: [stressed:] Yes, but I told you, I don't need it!
The elevator arrives and Roz gets out of it.
Roz: Hey, guys.
Martin: Hey, Roz. [notices bags:] Frasier, help her with that. [he
does]
Roz: Thanks, and thanks for letting me use your room.
Martin: No problem.
Roz: So, you're off to San Francisco.
Martin: Yeah, yeah. Duke and I took our shore leave there in '52.
We're going back to retrace out steps.
Roz: That sounds like fun.
Martin: Yeah, yeah. We had a great time that weekend. Back then
there was no place like Frisco for a single guy cruising
the streets looking for a good time.
Frasier and Roz trade a look.
Frasier: [with a different meaning:] You know dad, I think you'll
find that Frisco hasn't changed all that much.
Martin: Well, I hope not! [laughs and enters elevator]
Roz: Bye.
Martin: Bye.
Daphne enters the corridor from the apartment. As she talks to Roz
she tilts her head and extravagantly brushes her hair back from one ear,
making the earrings obvious, or rather making her look mad.
Daphne: Hey, Roz. Just off to the airport, back in a bit, see
you later.
Daphne enters the elevator as Roz enters the apartment. Frasier puts
her bags down as she closes the door.
Frasier: Come on in, Roz.
Roz: Thanks.
Frasier: Actually, you're here a little earlier than I expected.
Roz: Yeah, I had to get out of the apartment sooner than I
thought. I left you a message.
Frasier: Oh, frankly I didn't check my machine all day today.
Roz: Listen Frasier, thank you so much for this. I won't be an
imposition, I promise. You won't even know I'm here.
Frasier switches on his machine to listen to the messages.
Machine: [v.o:] You have 13 messages.
Roz: I had my calls forwarded, I hope you don't mind.
Marco: [v.o:] Roz, it's Marco. I'm coming to town this weekend. Are
you busy Saturday night, late? Call me.
Roz: Obviously, Marco and I haven't talked for a long time.
Frasier: Something tells me you never talked for a long time.
Paula: [v.o:] Roz, this is Paula Garrett, Rick's mom. [Roz looks up,
alarmed] We just found out about the baby and well, we think
it's important that we meet you. Uh, we're leaving to see
Rick in Paris the day after tomorrow, so anytime before that
will be fine. I'm running out now, maybe I'll try you later. [beep]
Roz: Oh my god!
Frasier: Now Roz, just calm down.
Roz: What do they want?
Frasier: Maybe they just want to meet you. They are the grandparents
of your child.
Roz: Look, I worked all this out with Rick! He's twenty years
old, he's still in college and it's best for everyone if I
raised this baby by myself.
Frasier: I know that, but...
Roz: Now I'm supposed to put up with in-laws and I don't even have
a husband?! That's like posing nude for your art teacher and
still flunking the course. [Frasier is shocked] Shut up!
I needed the credits!
Frasier: Roz, listen, all they want is a short meeting.
Roz: Yeah, well, that's what they say now. What if they want
another one after that? What if they won't leave me alone,
what if - what if they don't think I'm a fit mother?
Frasier: What if they turn out to be nice supportive people that
you're glad to have in your life?
Roz: I just don't want to do this, Frasier! It's not comfortable.
Frasier: Oh Roz... You know what, I could go with you, if you
like? Oh, better yet, we can have them here tomorrow night.
Niles and I have a dog show around eight ó clock. They can
come before that.
Roz: I don't know.
The phone sounds.
Frasier: I'll bet that's Mrs. Garrett.
Roz: I'm not here.
Frasier: [into phone:] Hello. Yes, she is. Yes, she did get your
message. [Roz signals to him to change] No, no, I'm afraid
she won't be able to meet you. Yes I understand that you're
upset. I'm terribly sorry, goodbye. [hangs up phone]
Roz: Thank you, Frasier. Thank you.
Frasier: That was Marco, now we're calling Mrs. Garrett.
He picks the phone up and starts dialing.
WHERE'S A GRINDSTONE
WHEN YOU NEED ONE?
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment.
Roz enters wearing attire that looks like it's flashed from the 19th
Century. Of course, her pregnant bump makes it all a little more
weird.
Roz: All right, give it to me straight. How do I look?
Frasier: Like Pollyanna grew up and got herself into a little trouble.
Roz: Oh, why am I doing this? How did I let you talk me into
this?
Frasier: I will mean a lot to them. Besides, it's a chance to learn
about your baby's lineage. A lot of things are inherited, you
know. Like intelligence, artistic ability...
The doorbell sounds.
Roz: Oh God, it's them. I've got to check my makeup.
Frasier: Roz, there's no need to panic. You know, this should be fun!
It's like a little preview of who your child might be.
Roz enters the powder room as Frasier answers the door to Mr. & Mrs.
Garrett. Steve greets Frasier whilst his wife has her back turned
talking to a neighbour. Steve is a tall, handsome man in his late
30's, with an enormous, bulbous nose.
Steve: Hi there, Steve Garrett.
Frasier, taken aback, shakes his hand mechanically.
Steve: My wife's just... uh, honey?
Paula: Well, it was nice seeing you too! [turns
round and also has a large nose:] Oh, what a coincidence, your
neighbour goes to my hair salon. Hi, I'm Paula. [shaking hands]
Frasier: [recovering] Frasier Crane. Won't you please come in?
[they do] Roz'll be out in a second. She just went to
powder her... self.
Steve: We hope this isn't too awkward for her. She sounded a
little anxious on the phone.
Paula: Then again, who could blame her? She doesn't know what
kind of people we are. A situation like this is enough to
make anyone a little nervous.
Frasier: Well, actually you know, Roz really isn't the nervous type.
Roz then opens the powder room door, smiling - and nearly falls over
when she sees the two large noses.
Frasier: Roz, this is Steve and Paula Garrett.
Roz: [astounded:] Hi.
Steve: Hi... oh, that's alright Roz, we don't blame you for being
shocked.
Paula: I mean, we're used to it. You should see the looks we get.
Steve: You were a little taken aback yourself, weren't you, Dr.
Crane?
Frasier: Oh-ho-ho, certainly not!
Paula: Oh, come on, it's alright! Everyone comments on it.
Frasier: Well, I must admit when I opened the door I...
Paula: [finishes:] ...couldn't believe we were old enough to have a
twenty year-old son.
Frasier: [lying:] Exactly! You know, you both look so young. Don't
they, Roz?
Steve and Paula turn to Roz, putting her on the spot.
Roz: [still astounded:] Yes... young. Very, very, young.
Paula: Oh Roz, I can see you're feeling a little uncomfortable,
so let's just say, right up front, that we have no intention
of intruding on your life.
Steve: Rick told us what a wonderful person you are. We just wanted
to meet you and offer any help or support that you think is
appropriate.
Frasier gives Roz a "what did I tell you?" smile. Roz unbends.
Roz: [happier and settling down:] Thanks. That's very nice.
Daphne then enters from the kitchen with a tray of food. Paula and
Steve have their backs turned to her.
Daphne: I thought your guests might be a little peckish.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne Moon, Steve and Paula Garrett.
Daphne: Hello, I...
They turn to her and she is astounded.
Daphne: I...
Frasier: I know! It's amazing, isn't it? They are actually the parents
of a twenty year-old.
Daphne: [glad for the excuse:] Amazing.
Steve and Paula go to look at the food as the doorbell sounds.
Frasier: Oh, excuse me. [opens door to Niles] Oh, Niles. You're an
hour early.
Niles: I'm sorry - hey, Roz. [to Frasier:] Yeah, I thought you might
like to grab a bite to eat before the dog show. [notices them:]
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you had...
They turn around.
Niles: Had...
Frasier: Company, yes! Steve, Paula Garrett, this is my brother,
Niles Crane. The Garretts are the grandparents-to-be of Roz's
baby.
Niles: Oh! Well, nice to meet you. [to Daphne:] Hey, Daphne.
Paula: Did I hear you mention you're going to a dog show?
Niles: Yes, the Seattle Kennel Club is having its annual event
tonight.
Paula: You know, Steve and I went to that a few years ago. We just
love dogs! We have two giant Schnauzers.
Niles rocks on his heels slightly, fighting hysterics. Daphne
presses her fingers over her mouth. Niles sits on the couch with
a goofy smile. Roz looks rather nervous and Frasier looks angry.
Steve: My goodness, Paula look at the view!
Frasier: Roz, why don't you show the Garretts the view?
Paula: Oh yes, that would be nice. I could use a breath of
fresh air!
Roz takes the couple out on the balcony and Daphne and Niles
release their giggles.
Frasier: [snaps:] Just stop it, the two of you! My God, you're
acting like a couple of two year-olds!
As they try to regain control of themselves, Martin comes in the front door.
Martin: I'm home.
Frasier: Dad? What are you doing here?
Martin: Aw, Frisco was a bust! All our watering holes are gone, the
steak house was a sushi bar, and this morning Duke and I went
out for a walk. There's this big crowd, kinda like a pep
rally or something. So, we joined them. Well, some official
guy up front says something that we didn't hear and the next
thing you know, everybody's throwing rice and all the men are
kissing each other and all the women are kissing each other,
and I'm not sure but I think Duke and I may be married.
Roz, Paula and Steve enter from the balcony. Martin has his back
turned to them.
Martin: Well, the whole weekend was like that! Just one surprising
event- [turns round] AAH!
As he steadies himself against the bookshelf, Niles and Daphne have
to hold their giggles in again. Roz looks even more nervous.
Steve: I-I'm sorry, did we startle you?
Martin: Oh, no, no, [making up:] I-I didn't know we had company.
Frasier: Dad, Dad, this is Steve and Paula Garrett. They're Rick's
parents, you remember Rick?
Martin: Oh sure, yeah! [shaking hands] Hi, how are ya?
Nice to meet you, Marty Crane.
Uncomfortable silence.
Roz: Oh, they're just on their way to Paris to visit Rick.
Martin: Oh, yeah? That sounds like fun.
Paula: Yeah, I'm just a little nervous. I hear the Parisians can
be kinda snooty.
Martin turns away joining Niles and Daphne in furtive hysteria.
Daphne: Excuse me, I've got something in the oven. [turns to the kitchen]
Niles: [getting up] Let me help you.
Martin: Yeah, uh, me too!
As they leave, Frasier and Roz shrug apologetically at Steve and Paula.
As soon as they make it into the kitchen, Martin, Niles and Daphne
collapse with stifled, hysterical laughter. Martin steadies himself
against the refridgerator, Niles falls over, Daphne puts a quiche on
the side.
Daphne: [whispering:] We've got to stop, they'll hear us!
Steve: [o.s., re: quiche] Mmmm, what's that I smell?
Martin: [whispering:] Probably Japan!
Which sets them off anew. Whilst they are killing themselves with
laughter, Frasier walks in and watches over the scene in anger.
Frasier: What is the matter with you people?!
Martin: Oh, come on Fras! Don't tell us you don't think this is
funny!
Frasier: Not in the slightest! These are two perfectly nice people,
who happen to have large noses! The three of you standing
in here, sniggering like schoolchilden! Well, all right,
fine. If you can't get yourselves under control you can
just stay in here!
Frasier enters the living room with the quiche.
Frasier: Quiche Lorraine, anyone?
Steve: Quiche her? I hardly know her!
Paula: Oh, Steve!
Frasier: [polite laugh]
Steve: [puts nose over it:] Boy, that smells wonderful.
Paula: [with nose over it:] Does it ever.
Frasier holds in his laughter.
Paula: Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?
Steve: Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a
little nosey.
Niles, Daphne and Martin enter the room to hear the following. They
are laughing underneath their hands and Frasier tries his utmost not to.
Paula: Me nosey? You're the nosey one in the family.
Steve: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosey!
Paula: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosier!
Frasier walks back to the kitchen and hands the quiche off to
Daphne. He is obviously ridden with laughter but stopping himself
from revealing it.
Martin: Something wrong, Fras?
As soon as he makes it into the kitchen, he bursts with hysterical -
and clearly audible - laughter. Steve and Paula look confused, until
he sticks his head back out.
Frasier: [laughing:] "Quiche her? I hardly know her!"
[everyone laughs] I just got that!
End Of Act One. (Time: 13:47)
Act Two.
LET'S TAKE A LITTLE BREATHER
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment.
Later, Roz is pouring herself a glass of water in the kitchen as
Frasier enters.
Frasier: You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think
this evening's turned out rather well.
Roz: Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can
see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of
humour; a sweet disposition; a nose like an [angry:] ANT-
EATER!
Frasier: Frankly Roz, I think you're making a big deal out of nothing.
As I remember, Rick had a perfectly fine nose, and so do you.
I'm sure your baby's going to have one too.
Roz: Maybe you're right. If Rick can beat those genes, my baby
has a chance.
They enter the living room to find Niles and Daphne talking to Paula
and Steve.
Paula: So, how long have you been working for Dr. Crane?
Daphne: Five years just yesterday. In fact, he gave me a beautiful
pair of sapphire earrings to mark the occassion.
Niles: [unbelieving:] Frasier gave you sapphires?
Frasier: [worried:] Who's for coffee?
Steve: I'll take some.
Paula: You know, you really must show those earrings to my husband.
He's a jeweller, you know. He could probably even tell you
what mine the stones came from.
Frasier: [nervous:] Well, you know, maybe coffee's a bad idea if
you've got that early flight in the morning. Daphne, could
you just take this back into the kitchen for me?
Daphne: [feels ear:] Oh dear, one of my earrings has gone! It must
have fallen off somewhere!
Paula: We'll help you find it.
Steve: [on his knees:] What does the earring look like?
Frasier: No, no, that's not really necessary. Once you've seen one
sapphire, you've seen them all.
Steve: Well, that's not exactly true, they vary widely in quality.
Frasier: [pulls him to his feet] You know, why don't you just get up?
You have to get going, you know, we have plenty of people in
order to form a search party. [laughs] And you know, we'll
just trample each other. Well, good night.
Paula: Alright, we are going to have a big day tomorrow.
Frasier: Uh-huh, and you might as well get a little sleep before you
take off.
Steve: You know, if you can't find that earring, I might be able to
replace it. Can I see the other one?
Daphne: Oh, [begins to take it off].
Frasier: [quickly picks up something:] I've got it! Here it is. Bon
voyage!
Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Alright, Daphne, just a second. [to the couple:] Well,
listen, it was wonderful of you to come.
Steve: Thank you for having us. Roz, it was great meeting you.
Paula: Our door is always open.
Roz: Thank you. You guys have a great trip.
Frasier: Goodnight. [shuts door on them]
Daphne: Goodnight.
Steve: Goodnight.
Daphne: Can I have it then?
Frasier: [opens his hand:] Oh, I'm sorry, it's just a piece of lint.
Well, the search continues.
Daphne: I feel just terrible! The one precious thing that anyone
has ever bought me in my whole stinking life, and I lose it.
Niles: Daphne, I found it. [hands it to her]
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, I could kiss you!
Niles: Okay. [she hugs and kisses him]
Daphne: What's this?
Niles: [nervous:] Nothing.
Daphne: [looks at ring:] The setting's come loose. It's only blue on
top, the bottom's all coppery. Dr. Crane...
Frasier: I know what you're thinking Daphne, and you're right.
Obviously I...
Daphne: You've been swindled! Where did you buy these? I want to
take these back and tell that lying cheat exactly what I
think of him.
Frasier: Actually, you just did.
Daphne: You knew? [silence]
Roz: [embarrased by scene:] Uh, Niles, how about a cup of coffee?
Niles: [not about to miss this:] Thanks, Roz, cream and sugar.
Roz, who didn't expect this answer, just sits on a chair as Niles
stands next to Daphne staring at Frasier.
Frasier: I'm terribly sorry, Daphne, I meant to tell you eventually.
Niles: You didn't need to. Her earlobe's already turning green.
Frasier: Shut up, Niles! You see Daphne, the truth is, I didn't
remember your anniversary and well, I saw them and I thought
they were pretty, so I bought them for you. You thought they
were genuine, you seemed so happy...
Daphne: They are pretty. I suppose I can have them repaired. I'll
just take them back to the jewellery store.
Frasier: [stares at her:] Actually, I bought them at
Raymond's.
Daphne: Raymond's drug store?
Niles: Well, the good news is that they'll carry something for that
ear infection-
Frasier: SHUT UP!
The doorbell sounds. Frasier answers it to find Mr. and Mrs. Garrett
with some photos.
Paula: It's us again! Gee, I almost forgot. Roz, I brought you
something. I thought you might get a kick out of these.
Here are some pictures of Ricky when he was a boy.
[hands them over]
Roz: Oh, thank you, that is so nice of you. [looks] Well,
where is he? I don't see him.
Steve: [points] There, in the middle.
Roz: Oh... he looks so different.
Steve: Oh, right, that was before his hockey accident. The nose job
changed his whole face.
Paula: I mean, not that the doctor didn't do a good job, but that's the
Ricky you'll see in the baby.
Roz: Well, thanks. Thanks a lot.
Paula: Oh, you're welcome. And bye again.
Frasier: Take care.
Steve: Thanks.
Frasier: Good to see you.
Paula and Steve exit through the front door. As soon as Frasier
closes it, Roz slams the photos against her chest.
Roz: Oh my God!
Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look!
Roz: No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it!
Frasier: Please.
Roz releases the photos. He looks... and mutely shows them to
Niles and Daphne. They stare.
Niles: Where is the end of it?
Roz whimpers. Frasier comforts her. The scene fades out.
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
At the end of the day, Roz is sitting up in her nightgown staring at
some pictures as Daphne enters, also in her nightgown. She sits at
the dining table with her.
Daphne: Oh, Roz, you're not still looking at that picture, are you?
Roz: Nope, this is a different one.
Daphne: [looks] Oh dear, look at the way the ears on this poor little
girl stick out.
Roz: It's me. Aged nine, the year before I got them fixed.
Daphne: [laughs] Sorry, Roz, I didn't recognise you with those
glasses. Why is one side blacked out?
Roz: I had a lazy eye.
Daphne smothers a laugh.
Roz: I got that fixed the next year. Let's just say for
birthdays I wasn't asking for ponies.
Daphne: [laughs] You poor thing.
Roz: I'm just sitting here thinking, what if my kid gets Rick's
nose, and my ears and eyes? Throw in my granfather's third
nipple, I might as well pitch a tent and charge admission.
Daphne: Oh come on, nothing like that's going to happen.
Roz: I just hate the idea of my kid being teased. [sighs] I know
what that's like. As long as my baby's in here [rubs her
womb] I can protect it from anything. But pretty soon this
kid's going to be out there on his own.
Daphne: Every child goes through a bit of teasing. I mean, it's a
part of growing up. At least yours will be lucky enough to
have a mother who understands what it feels like. And you'll
know just what to say to make it all better.
Roz: I really hadn't thought of it that way.
Daphne: Well, I'm pretty good at finding the positive in things. I
mean, look at what happened to me tonight; I could say, here
I've worked for someone for five years and he forgot my
anniversary and bought me a worthless piece of blue glass.
But I'd rather say he gave me a nice pair of earrings just
because he thought I'd like them. Which is really rather
sweet when you think about it.
Roz: Yeah well, Frasier will be pleased to hear that!
Daphne: Oh, I'm not going to tell him! [they laugh] Well, I'm ready
for bed.
Roz: Yeah, me too. [they stand] Thanks again, Daphne.
Daphne: Yep, you're welcome.
As Roz gets up, she flinches and puts a hand on her belly.
Roz: Ooh! I just felt a big kick.
Daphne: You sure it wasn't a sneeze?
Roz: Oh, ha-ha!
Daphne: [laughing] That's the last one, I promise!
Roz and Daphne laugh as they exit the room to Daphne's room.
End Of Act Two. (Time: 20:10)
Credits:
Daphne is talking on the phone when Frasier comes in. When she
hangs up, he apologizes and gives her another jewelry box. She opens
it and sees a diamond pendant. She is ecstatic, and hugs him in
delight. Embarrassed, he leaves.
As soon as he's gone, she rushes to the desk, takes out a jeweler's
loupe, and checks the stone.
Guest Appearances
Guest Starring
JORDAN BAKER as Paula
KEVIN KILNER as Steve
AMY LANDERS as Waitress
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 1999 by Nick Hartley. This episode
summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright of Paramount
Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
