The Zoo Story Written by Joe Keenan
Directed by Pamela Fryman
=====================================================================
Production Code: 5.12.
Episode Number In Production Order: 107
Original Airdate on NBC: 20th January 1998
Transcript written on 28th July 2000
Transcript revised on 4th June 2001
I Summon Thee...
Bebe Glazer has appeared in:
- [1.09] Selling OOut
- [1.18] And The Whimper Is...
- [2.22] Agents IIn America, Part III
- [3.21] Where Thhere's Smoke, There's Fired
- [4.17] Roz's Tuurn
- [5.12] The Zoo Story
Transcript {allie murray}
[Act One]
[Scene One - Int. Cafe Nervosa.
Frasier is ordering his coffee at the counter. Bebe approaches.]
Bebe: Well, well, well, look who's here. It's KACL's Frasier
Crane.
Frasier: And Rosemary's Bebe.
[Pause. Frasier turns back to the counter.]
Bebe: So, quite a little shake-up going on down at the station.
I hear the new owner wants to renegotiate everyone's contract.
Frasier: [turning head] Mmm-hmm. And before you drop another gossamer
hint, let me tell you that my feelings about you haven't
changed.
Bebe: Fine! Actually, I'm here to meet one of my newer clients,
a rising star of the Seattle airwaves.
Frasier: Oh, really, and what pathetic do-gooder have you lured into
your web now?
[Roz enters, looking self-conscious.]
Bebe: [overly affectionate] Roz!
Frasier: [surprised] Oh, dear God.
[Bebe walks over to Roz and points her toward a table.]
Bebe: You just get off your feet, little mother. I'll fetch you
a nice, nourishing muffin.
[Roz begins to walk toward the table, still self-conscious, trying to
keep her back to Frasier. Frasier follows her, glaring.]
Frasier: You signed with Bebe?
Roz: [sitting] Okay, I know, I should've told you, I just wasn't
in the mood for one of your lectures.
Frasier: [sitting across from her] I'm not going to give you a
lecture. You're entitled to choose whoever you wish to
represent you. Someone who's honest, or a woman whose ethics
would've raised eyebrows in the court of Caligula!
Roz: Look, she's gotten me three voice-over jobs. She may be a
little shifty, but she helps me put food on the table.
[Bebe approaches, muffin in hand, and places it before Roz]
Bebe: One muffin.
Roz: See?
Bebe: [sitting; pats Roz's belly] So, Roz, I had a brainstorm last
night about how to turn this little bundle of joy into a big
bundle of cash!
Roz: [confused] I'm going to use my baby to make money?
Frasier: [angry] Yes, it's high time the little slacker started
pulling his weight!
Bebe: [to Roz] You know Doctor Clint Weber's medical show? Well,
I see a daily segment called, "A Pregnant Pause: Roz Doyle's
Term of Endearment." All of Seattle will share in the
miracle happening inside you - your joys, hopes, morning
sickness, sonograms, even the birth! [excited]
Roz: [still confused] I'll give birth on the air?
Bebe: It's radio. Just make the noises. [laughing] Hell, I'll
make them myself!
[A waitress approaches.]
Waitress: Need anything else here?
Frasier: Just a shower, thank you.
Bebe: You know, Mr. Integrity, word on the street is you still
haven't hired anyone to negotiate this big deal for you.
[Frasier stands] Could it be because in your heart you know
you want to come back to me?
Frasier: Yes, well if I'm taking my time it's because I'm determined
to make the right choice.
Roz: Well, you're gonna need somebody good!
Frasier: That's exactly what I intend to find, someone good! I'm
going to prove to both of you it's possible to find an
agent who can drive a hard bargain and yet maintain the
highest ethical standards!
Bebe: [sarcastic] Happy hunting. If things don't work out, you
know my number.
Frasier: [walking out door] Still 666, is it?!
[Scene Two]
[Int. Frasier's apartment]
[Martin opens the front door to Niles.]
Niles: [walks in] Hello, Dad. I believe we switched videotapes on
accident.
Martin: Believe me, I noticed.
Niles: Yes, there you go. [hands over video] At first I was
dismayed. I popped in the tape, and there was Charles Bronson
blowing away street trash, but I actually got into it. It was
quite suspenseful.
Martin: Yeah, well, that's the way Duke and I felt about "My Dinner
With Andre." Talk about suspense! [fake, dramatic
anticipation] Will they order dessert? Will they leave a good
tip? [walks to chair and sits]
[Frasier enters from the direction of his bedroom.]
Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles.
Niles: Frasier, I'm sorry to trouble you about this, but could you
recommend another couples' therapist?
Frasier: Good Lord, not again. What happened to Dr. Prescott?
Niles: Oh, please, Maris had me can Dr. Prescott weeks ago. Now she
wants me to fire Dr. Wilphaum.
[Frasier walks in the direction of the kitchen, perhaps to get a
drink from the wet bar.]
Frasier: What's her problem with him?
Niles: She says his criticism of her is too harsh.
Frasier: Well, some therapists can be rather blunt and hard-hitting.
What did he say?
Niles: He asked her to refrain from catalogue shopping during our
sessions. [sits on couch]
Frasier: You know Niles, if you fire every therapist who finds fault
with her, you're never going to make any progress.
Niles: You're right, of course. I'll just tell her, "We're not
going to change therapists, that's that." [stands]
Frasier: Good! You know, sometimes there's nothing more rewarding
than sticking to a principle. Case in point, you know, my
contract's coming up, and, uh, well, Bebe Glazer's been
angling to negotiate my new one. Anyway, I could've done the
easy thing, said yes, taken the money and run, but instead,
I said no, and I found myself a new agent, one who's every
bit as smart and also ethical.
Niles: Hmmm.
[Doorbell.]
Frasier: That's him now.
[Frasier and Niles head toward the door.]
Martin: Well, I don't know what kinda bull that guy sold you, but
there's no such thing as an ethical agent. One's just as
slimy as the other.
[Frasier opens the door. Ben enters.]
Frasier: Hello, Ben.
Ben: Hi. Sorry I'm late. I was making my last Meals on Wheels
delivery and I swerved to avoid a pigeon. You know, splat
went the food all over the stuffed bears for the toy drive.
I had to run home, throw the bears in the wash, and cook
some more borsht for Mrs. Pavlov.
Frasier: I'm glad you made it. Anyway, this is my brother, Doctor
Niles Crane.
Ben: Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you.
Niles: Hi. [shakes his hand, leaving] Sorry, I'm running out.
[turns, laughing] You're certainly a refreshing change from
Frasier's last agent. I think she would have swerved to hit
the pigeon. [another laugh]
Frasier: [laughing] Well, she would have swerved to hit Mrs. Pavlov!
[closes door] Ben, I'd like you to meet my dad, Martin.
[Daphne enters as Frasier leads Ben toward the couch.]
Frasier: Oh, and this is his home health care worker, Daphne. Daphne,
this is Ben, my new agent.
Daphne: [shakes Ben's hand] Oh, very nice to meet you.
[Daphne sits at breakfast table]
Martin: Well, Ben, it sounds like you're a pretty busy volunteer.
Frasier: Yes, indeed, you know, Ben just won this year's Seattle
Samaritan Award.
Ben: [quickly] Well, enough about me. Let's talk about you.
[gestures to couch] May I?
Frasier: Oh, please.
Ben: [sitting] I was thinking that before we start this
negotiation it wouldn't hurt to raise your public profile.
Frasier: [shrug] I like the sound of that.
Ben: Okay, here's my plan. For a year now, I've done pro bono
work for the Mercer Island Zoo - you know, getting the word
out, creating awareness --
Daphne: [still sitting at table] There's a zoo on Mercer Island?
Ben: [grin] You betcha. This'll be great PR for both of you.
They just bought a rare crane. I convinced them to name it
after you - you know, Frasier "Crane." So, there'll be a
ceremony with full newspaper and TV coverage.
Frasier: I think it's brilliant! [sits beside Ben] I'm bolstering my
bargaining position and also helping out a plucky little
zoo! I love this man!
Daphne: [stands and walks over with bowl; places it on coffee table]
I think it would be fun to have a crane named after me. I
just love those big pouchy mouths they scoop up the fish in.
Ben: I think those are pelicans.
Daphne: Oh, right. [walking back toward breakfast table] Cranes are
the ones who always sound like they're laughing. No, wait,
I'm thinking of loons.
Martin: That's a coincidence.
Ben: [stands] Oh, shoot, I've got borsht on my sleeve. Do you
have any club soda?
Daphne: Oh, yes, right through here. [walking toward kitchen, Ben
follows]
Frasier: Help yourself.
Ben: Thank you.
[Ben and Daphne exit.]
Martin: Frasier, you told me this was a pretty big deal. Are you
sure you want to send in that Mouseketeer?
Frasier: Oh, why does everybody assume that in order to be an agent
you have to be some unscrupulous huckster? It is possible
for a good and decent man to be every bit as intimidating as
the toughest shark out there.
Ben: [entering] Well, time to skedaddle. I have to pick up a
friend. [walks toward door; Frasier follows] The poor guy
just went bankrupt, so I'm letting him bunk in my ruckus
room for a while.
Frasier: Well, that's awfully generous of you.
Ben: Well, he's not just a friend, he's a client.
[Ben lets himself out, and Frasier closes the door and looks back at
Martin shrugging.]
BYE BYE BIRDY
[Scene Three - Ext. Mercer Island Zoo.
The Director of the zoo leads Frasier into a tent, where the buffet
is. The bird is also in this tent in a small cage.]
Director: Um, and then the press and the board members will join us
in here for a buffet.
Frasier: So I finish my speech, and then I give Mr. Twembly here the
cue and he brings out this marvelous creature.
Twembly: [kneeling beside cage] Just give me the signal.
Martin: [enters] Aw, this is great! Look at this! Turkey, chicken
wings! [leans down toward crane] Hey! Gotta make you a
little nervous, huh?
Daphne: [walks up to Frasier] [hushed voice] Look! It's Toffee
Macintosh, from the news! I just love her!
Frasier: Oh, yes, really?
Toffee: [approaching] Frasier.
Frasier: Toffee. Thank you for covering us.
Toffee: [laugh] Aw, you know my motto, "If it happens in Seattle,
it's news to me." [laugh]
Frasier: Listen, I'd like you to meet one of your biggest fans,
Daphne Moon.
Daphne: Hello. I just love the way you get all somber when you
describe a flood or a murder, then you cheer right up the
minute you're done! Makes me think, well, if she can get
over it, so can I.
Toffee: That's what I'm here for.
Ben: [enters] Ready to greet your public?
Frasier: Well, uh, yes! Come on, Dad!
Martin: [eating] All right, I'll be there in a sec.
[All but Martin walk toward the seating area.]
[The outdoors, grassy area is set up for Frasier's program. In front
of a large sign that says "Mercer Island Zoo" is a podium. In front
of this is a row of chairs for the audience.]
[Roz sits to the side smiling brightly with a monkey in her lap.
Bebe is beside her. Several cameras are on them.]
Bebe: Why, you see what maternal instincts this woman has? Even
little Bobo here can sense it.
Frasier: [approaching Bebe and Roz] Well, I can see I'm not the only
one getting some publicity today.
Ben: [joins them] Frasier, they want to start pretty soon.
Frasier: Oh, Ben, Ben, just a moment, I'd like you to meet some
people. This is Bebe and Roz. This is Ben, my new agent.
[Improv hellos.]
Ben: Hey, talk about your small worlds. Turns out Mr. Twembly
and I both sang tenor for the same choir back home in Salt
Lake City. Nice meeting you ladies.
Bebe: [evil laugh; very sarcastic] Well, when there's a dirty job
to be done, you can't go wrong with a Mormon.
Frasier: [indignant] Scoff all you like, the man is a genius at PR.
[The program starts. The audience in the front row, from left to
right, is: Bebe, Roz, Daphne, and a few places over from them, Ben.
Ben looks excited.]
Twembly: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of the
Mercer Island Zoo, I'd like to welcome our very special
guest, Doctor Frasier Crane. [applause]
Frasier: [steps up to podium] Thank you, Mr. Twembly. I suppose it's
only appropriate that the zoo has called upon me to
introduce you all to its newest resident. You see, he
happens to be a relative of mine. [laugh]
[Bored looks from Bebe and Roz.]
[Cut to:]
Martin: [alone in tent with crane, still eating] Hey, what're you
lookin' at? This is human food. You don't see me lookin' at
your bird food, do you? [turns away from bird and toward the
buffet; bird bites the seat of Martin's pants; turns back
around] What do you think you're doing, huh? That's not very
nice! [shakes his cane at the bird; cane catches on cage,
opening gate; bird jumps out]. Oh, wait, wait, no, no, no,
wait, where you goin'?!
[Cut to:]
[Frasier is at the podium speaking. As he speaks, the bird runs
behind him. Then, Martin runs by in hot pursuit of the crane, shaking
his arm at the bird. They exit to the right. Frasier is entirely
oblivious.]
Frasier: ...We're both tall and have distinctive profiles, we've both
been known to winter in Mexico, and let's not forget our
voices. Is there anything as stirring as the crane's
majestic cry?
Martin: [o.s] Yeyaaaaaaaa! Get this thing off me! [hobbles in,
holding ear]
Frasier: Dad, are you all right? What's happening? [uproar; bird runs
behind him, chased by several men] My goodness! What is
going on! [turns toward audience, attempting to cover] Oh,
I'm sorry! Nothing to be alarmed about! Just a little family
squabble!
[The audience is in uproar; Frasier rushes to Martin's aid.]
[End of Act One]
[Act Two]
[Scene One - Int. Frasier's apartment.
Focus on TV. Toffee Macintosh is reporting in front of the chaos of
the crane ordeal.]
Toffee: In a gruesome incident this afternoon, the Mercer Island Zoo
seemed more like the Island of Doctor Moreau....
[Shift to:]
[Living room. Martin is sitting in chair with Frasier to his right
and Daphne behind him, all watching the tv.]
Toffee: [v.o]...as a distinguished senior citizen was savagely
attacked by Frasier Crane, Bird of Prey.
Frasier: I can't watch any more of this.
Martin: Well, that makes us even. I can't hear any of it.
Frasier: Oh, you weren't hurt that badly! Of course, you wouldn't
know that to listen to Toffee. She makes the whole thing
sound like a disaster!
Daphne: I know. [brightens] But did you see the way she could smile
right after?
[Frasier glares at Daphne, and she rushes away.]
Frasier: [sitting on couch] Lord, this entire affair's turned into a
PR nightmare!
Martin: Well, it's your own fault for hiring Howdy Doody as your
agent!
[Doorbell.]
Frasier: [walking to door] Dad, I'm sorry. Ben had no idea that bird
was going to attack you. Besides, there is a school of
thought that says there's no such thing as bad publicity.
[Frasier opens door. Niles enters, laughing wickedly.]
Niles: Frasier, I was just hearing about you on the car radio. The
deejay was offering a cash prize for the best Frasier Crane
joke. Wait, what was the front-runner? Oh, yes, how can you
tell Frasier the Crane's a psychiatrist?
Frasier: [closing door] I can't wait to hear.
Niles: He ignores what you say then sticks you with a large bill.
[Laughs all around, except Frasier.]
Niles: [walking toward Martin's chair as Frasier goes to his
bookshelves] You must excuse my jolly mood, but Maris was
over tonight for our weekly conjugal visit.
Martin: [clearly disgusted] Eeww, Jeez.
Niles: I've never seen her look so seductive. She wore a clingy
gown, crimson lipstick, even earrings, which she tends to
avoid as they make her head droop. She pulled me down upon
the bed and began playing my spine like a zither. And then,
just as things were heating up, she renewed her request that
I dismiss Doctor Wilphaum. So tremulous with desire was I
that I almost relented, but then I remembered your advice,
Frasier, and I said I wouldn't fire the good doctor - at which
point Maris told me I wouldn't be firing anything else in
the foreseeable future!! And she left!
Frasier: Now, now, now, Niles, withholding sex may be just as
difficult on Maris! She may crumble first!
Niles: Are you serious? One hour of passion can withstain her for
months. She stores it up like some sexual camel.
Frasier: [defensive] All right, Niles. You know that my advice was
solid.
Niles: I hope you're right. [phone rings] I'll get it. Hello?
Oh, hello Roz. [to Frasier] It's Roz.
Frasier: Thank you. [takes phone] Roz, hello. Yes, what is it?
Niles: [pointing at flowers on table] That's a striking
arrangement.
Martin: It's from Bebe. After what happened today, she's trying to
woo him back.
Niles: Birds of Paradise, I suppose that's her idea of floral
irony.
Frasier: [on phone] Yes, well, ah, thanks for the warning, Roz.
Martin: What's that about?
Frasier: Oh, well, it turns out the station manager won't be
renegotiating the contracts himself. Apparently he's brought
in one of these hired guns stations use to reduce costs.
Some fellow nicknamed "The Hammer."
Niles: [examining flowers] I'm assuming they call him "The Hammer"
because he's tough.
Frasier: No, Niles, because he loves the lyrics of Oscar Hammerstein!
Martin: You know, Frasier, if I were you, I'd give Bebe a call.
Now, I'm no fan of hers, either, but this is a pretty big
negotiation.
[Doorbell.]
Frasier: [walks toward door] No, Dad, I am sticking with Ben.
Oh, sure, maybe Bebe could use her dark arts to get me a
dollar or two more, but, you know, my integrity is worth
more than that. [opens door] Hello, Ben.
Ben: Hey, big guy. How ya doing?
Frasier: Well, uh, fine.
Ben: Good. Boy, people sure are being mean about this! I was
just listening to the radio on the way over. Ouch. But I
always say, if life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
Frasier: That's the spirit. [hopefully] So you've got some sort of
damage-control plan?
Ben: You betcha. I got a way to turn this whole mess around and
show that station manager just what you're made of.
Frasier: Excellent! But you won't be dealing with him. You'll be
dealing with this free-lancer they call "The Hammer."
Ben: Hoo-boy. [sits]
Martin: You've gone up against him?
Ben: Oh yes, and I had to take a pretty firm line with him.
Frasier: Well, I'm glad to hear that.
Ben: Yeah, I finally said, "You better just clean up your
language, Pal. I walked out on that Mamet play, I can walk
out on you."
Frasier: [hesitates] So, uh, about your plan.
Ben: Yea, right! Um, I think there's a way to show people you're
laughing right along with them. You do a photo op where you,
Seattle's best-loved psychiatrist, give the crane therapy.
You know, you sit in a chair with a pad on your lap, and the
crane - properly sedated, of course - sits on... [pulls
out a miniature psychiatrist's couch] THIS.
[Skeptical looks exchanged.]
Niles: Where on earth did you find a couch that size?
Ben: Oh, I built it myself. I have a little workshop in my attic
where I make toys for the neighborhood kids.
Martin: Look at you! Agent, samaritan... elf.
Frasier: Dad, I like this idea! It's droll... and self-mocking. It's
the perfect way to turn a PR embarrassment into a triumph!
Ben: Great. I'll set up the photo op. And don't you be nervous
about The Hammer, all right? Because I can be a pretty tough
customer myself!
Frasier: [walking him to the door] I'm sure you can! I know you're
gonna go in there and you're gonna give him hell!
Ben: Boy, I love show business, but I'll never get used to the
cursing!
[Ben opens door and leaves.]
MAYBE IT WAS A DISGRUNTLED FORMER ZOO WORKER
[Scene Two - Int. Cafe Nervosa
Frasier walks toward and sits at Niles's table. He has a large white
bandage on his forehead. Waitress approaches.]
Frasier: [quietly] Latte, please.
Waitress: Hey, didn't I see your picture in the paper today? There
was a big bird chasing you around a little couch!
Frasier: [glares] Latte, please.
[Waitress leaves.]
Niles: Well, I think you have a real case against the maker of
those crane sedatives.
Frasier: Thank you for the sympathy!
Niles: You're not the only one going through a rough patch. Maris
has strained my libido to the breaking point!
Frasier: Niles, you can't give in!
Niles: I'm getting desperate! This morning, I found myself flirting
with my manicurist!
Frasier: The one with the thing on her face?
Niles: I told you, I'm desperate!
Frasier: What can be keeping Ben?
Niles: After all this, you're still using Ben? Shouldn't you just
go back to Bebe?
Frasier: [points finger] I see what you're doing. You think if I bail
out on my principles it gives you an excuse to go crawling
back to Maris. Well, I'm not going to do it. Ben may have
made some mistakes, but he is a good man, and he's going to
make me a good deal!
[Gil has just entered the Cafe. He's standing in the doorway.]
Frasier: Gil! How'd it go with the Hammer?
Gil: [in state of shock] You've never seen such cold, dead eyes!
It was like bargaining with Nosferatu. My salary's been
slashed!
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry.
[Waitress approaches.]
Waitress: Can I do anything else for you?
Niles: [holding up biscotti] Yes, would you mind nibbling on this
provocatively?
Frasier: Niles! [to waitress] We're fine, thank you. [waitress
leaves]
Gil: I wish you good luck, Frasier. I don't see anybody
squeezing blood from that stone.
[Bebe and Roz enter, both waving their hands in the air.]
Bebe: [triumphantly] Lattes for everyone!
Gil: [shocked] Dear God, don't tell me you did well!
Roz: [thrilled] I got a weekly spot on Clint Weber's show and a
thirty percent raise!
Gil: How on earth did you get all that?
Bebe: [evil laugh] Oh, we go way back, the Hammer and I. I know
where the bodies are buried. [pause] Usually, that's just a
metaphor.
Roz: So, Gil, what'll you have? My treat?
Gil: I think I'll be happier at the losers' table with Aunt
Penny, the story lady. Penny! Don't put that flask away!
Frasier: Well, congratulations, Roz. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm
waiting for Ben. We have to discuss our bargaining position.
Bebe: Oh, there're so many to choose from. Kneeling, crawling,
groveling. I'm sure he'll pick the right one.
[Bebe and Roz leave for the counter to order.]
Frasier: [muttering] God, she is obnoxious!
Niles: [watches her] Mmmm. Though alluring, in a buxom, bad-girl
kind of way.
Frasier: Oh, shut up, you horny idiot! [pause] My bandage seems a
little loose. If Ben gets here, just tell him I went in to
fix it. [leaves for bathroom]
[Bebe watches Frasier go toward restroom.]
[Cut to:
Int. restroom]
[Frasier enters and closes door. He walks to the mirror to examine
his bandage. Bebe opens the door and enters right behind him.]
Bebe: Frasier, we have to talk.
Frasier: [angry] Are you aware that you are in the men's room?
Bebe: Oh, please, if I paid attention to signs with little
pictures on them... I'd never get a parking space. [closes
door] Now, it's time we both dropped the masks. You need me,
and I want you back. Just sign this contract. I'll cut you
a deal that'll make Roz's look like lunch money.
Frasier: Isn't there a zebra carcass somewhere you should be hovering
over?
Bebe: You wanna see a carcass, chum? [grabs Frasier and faces him
toward mirror] Look in the mirror. Look what you've let that
man do to you. Your face is riddled with bird bites, your
name's a punchline, and your career's five minutes from
over. And he's only been your agent for three days!
[We see Frasier in the mirror. He holds a hand up to his mouth,
looking horrified at "what he has become."]
Bebe: Send him in against the Hammer and you'll be doing fog
reports from a lighthouse in Puget Sound! [turns him around
toward her almost violently] Admit it! You're scared!
Frasier: [desperately] All right, maybe I am scared! But... there is
one thing that is stronger than fear! Faith! Faith that a
good man with a good heart can make a good deal! [pushes her
back] Now get out of my way!
Bebe: No, I won't let you! D'you know what I've been through
building your career? I have been to hell and back so often
I have frequent flier miles! [runs to him, grabs the lapels
of his coat and pulls him toward her] You owe me a second
chance!
Frasier: Take your tentacles off of me! [shoves her away, rushes out]
Bebe: [calling after him] Please! I won't be the same Bebe you
knew! I'll change! I'll be like Ben! [pause] Only competent!
[chases him through cafe] Darling, you forgot to sign!
[At the table, Roz is nibbling on Niles's biscotti. He has his hand on
her shoulder and is holding the plate up to catch crumbs. He's
watching with a dazed, dreamy look on his face. He looks up when he
sees Frasier and Bebe.]
Niles: [starting to stand] Oh, you reconciled. Congratulations,
I'll just be off to Maris's.
Frasier: Sit down, Niles! I'm still with Ben.
[Ben enters in a black trenchcoat.]
Frasier: Ben!
Ben: Sorry I'm late. I took my son's troop on a nature hike and
little Noah got a bee sting, so I rushed him to the
emergency room, then I came straight here.
Frasier: It's all right, we've got five minutes.
Ben: Excuse me. [leaves]
Roz: Now, Frasier, you know Bebe can make you a better deal.
Niles: Listen to Roz.
Bebe: Listen to Niles.
Frasier: I'm not listening to any of you! My God, am I the last man
on God's green earth that's still willing to stand up for a
principle?
[Ben comes back sans trenchcoat. He is wearing a boy scout uniform,
complete with shorts and red tie/sash.]
Ben: Should we go over those demands for ol' Mr. Hammer?
[There is a long pause. Frasier looks very regretful.]
Frasier: [hesitantly] Ben, could we have a word?
Niles: [takes out cell phone] Hello, Maris!
[Ben and Frasier go to corner booth.]
Frasier: Uh, listen, I don't think it's news to you that things
haven't been going so smoothly with us, and I think I'd feel
more comfortable with Bebe. I know this must seem a bit of a
shock to you, but, ah-
Ben: [laugh] No, I saw this coming. Yesterday, when you threw
that little couch at me, I thought to myself, "This is not a
happy client."
Frasier: Thanks for understanding.
[Frasier and Ben stand, Ben leaves to get coat, Frasier walks over to
where Bebe is standing beside the counter and Roz is sitting at the
closest table. Niles has just closed is cell phone and is now rushing
out the door.]
Niles: [o.s] TAXI!!!!!!!!
[Frasier goes to stand by Bebe at the counter.]
Bebe: [handing over paper and pen] [almost affectionately] Sign
right here, darling.
Frasier: You know, I'm holding you to that promise about changing.
I won't stand for any more shady doings.
Bebe: [almost sincerely] Those days are all behind me.
Frasier: Once you've worked out this thing with the Hammer, maybe you
can see what you can do about defusing this bird situation.
[Ben walks back over with his trenchcoat.]
Ben: Oh, you don't have to worry about the crane anymore. The
poor thing choked to death this morning. They have no idea
who would feed a bird a jawbreaker. Bye, now. [leaves]
Frasier: [to Bebe] [hopefully and fearfully at once] Is there any
chance it wasn't you?
Bebe: Oh, darling... [looks around, trying to come up with an answer
he'll be satisfied with] There's always a chance.
Frasier: [ponders] I can live with that. [signs papers]
Credits:
[Frasier walks into his apartment to see Daphne, holding a pad
wearing dark, Sigmund Freud-ish glasses, sitting on the coffee table
beside Eddie, who is lying on the little toy couch, also on the
coffee table. She puts a finger to her lips, gesturing for Frasier to
be quiet. She writes on the pad. Frasier goes to his bookcase, gets a
book, walks over, and hits Daphne in the head. She laughs as he walks
away.]
Guest Appearances
Special Guest Stars
HARRIET SANSOM HARRIS as Bebe Glazer
ROBERT STANTON as Ben
Guest Starring
EDWARD HIBBERT as Gil Chesterton
AMY LANDERS as Waitress
HEATHER LEE as Toffee Macintosh
PALMER SCOTT as Twembly
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by Nick Hartley & Allie Murray.
This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright
of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
