Love Bites Dog Written by Suzanne Martin
Directed by Jeff Melman
=====================================================================
Production Code: 4.2.
Episode Number In Production Order
Original Airdate on NBC:
Episode filmed on
Transcript written on 29th August 2000
Transcript {Iain McCallum}
[Act 1]
[Scene 1 – KACL.
Bulldog is on the phone outside the booth.]
Bulldog: Baby, baby. All I’m saying is we should cool it for a while.
What’s that saying…er…if you love something let it go, if it
comes back to you…yada, yada, yada? Yeah, that’s it. Don’t
get me wrong, I’m really broken up about this.
[At this point Frasier walks past and Bulldog shouts at him as he
throws him a tennis ball. Needless to say Frasier tries to catch it,
juggles it like a hot potato then eventually throws his hands up in
despair and goes into his booth.]
Bulldog: [still on the phone] Come on now. No tears. I’ll never
forget you either Sandy. Linda? Really? I thought I was
talking to your sister. Oh well, tell her same goes [hangs
up the phone]
[Meanwhile Frasier is in his booth. Roz walks in.]
Roz: Hey Frasier, do you have a minute?
Frasier: Yes of course Roz. What is it?
Roz: Well, you’re not going to like this idea. You’re going to
complain and make up excuses and then say no anyway.
Frasier: That’s the very words I would use to woo my dear Lilith.
Roz: OK, here goes. I have this friend and I think you two would
really hit it off.
Frasier: And you were wondering if I might meet her for a drink,
which might lead to dinner and then after that who knows
where?
Roz: Yes exactly.
Frasier: [suddenly gets concerned] Ooh, oh Roz. Do you hear that?
Roz: What?
Frasier: If you listen very carefully you can actually hear my skin
crawling!
Roz: I know. Blind dates stink but she’s my friend and I’m
worried about her.
Frasier: Oh Roz.
Roz: When was the last time you were with a woman? Seems like
almost a year.
Frasier: Oh it has not been that long. I mean that is a laugh. Hah!
The last time was…[thinking]…er…well let’s see…well the tree
was still up. Oh God!
Roz: Her name is Sharon. She’s five seven.
Frasier: Oh Roz I’m not interested.
Roz: But she’s an incredible person. She’s smart, she’s funny,
she’s a former pro-golfer. She just hasn’t met the right
guy.
Frasier: A woman golfer. Are we quite certain there is a right guy?
Roz: She dates men.
Frasier: Not this one.
Roz: She plays chess. She loves your show. And I know this sort
of thing isn’t supposed to matter to people like you but
I’ve seen her in the showers at the gym [Frasier walks out
in exasperation] and she has a body that makes Bo Derrick
look like Bo Diddley.
Frasier: [poking his head back round the door] A chess player did you
say?
[Scene 2 – Frasier’s Apartment]
NOTHING SAYS "I LOVE" YOU LIKE DEEP FLANNEL LININGS
[Martin walks in after taking Eddie for his walk however there is no
sign of Eddie. The ankles of Martin’s pants are soaked. Daphne comes
through from the kitchen.]
Martin: Look at these pants.
Daphne: Oh dear Mr. Crane. Did Eddie drag you through the puddles
again?
Martin: Every last one of them. [looks outside in the hall] Eddie get
in here. Eddie, I mean now! [A very sheepish Eddie walks
slowly in keeping his head down] What am I going to do with
you? My favourite shoes are soaked. Eddie, look at me when
I’m talking to you.
Daphne: You’re doing it again.
Martin: What?
Daphne: You’re acting like one of those nut jobs in the park who
treat their pets like children.
Martin: Yeah? Well, when you do it outside you’re a nut. When you do
it inside it’s your own damn business. Eddie, go to your
room! [Eddie runs off]
Daphne: Don’t worry about your shoes. I’ll get them all dried out for
you.
Martin: Well I hope. They’re not just any shoes you know. These are
Mocarbies. The most comfortable shoes made. Air cushioned in-
soles. Deep flannel lining. You know I remember one
anniversary I surprised Hester with a pair of Lady Mocarbies.
I don’t remember which anniversary but I know it ended with a
zero.
Daphne: I don’t doubt that!
[As Daphne takes off Martin’s shoes and heads into the kitchen, Eddie
runs out from the bedroom with Martin’s slippers in his mouth.]
Martin: Oh all right I forgive you. I love you too. [Frasier walks
out from his bedroom through to the living room, dressed in a
suit] You’ll always be my very best boy.
[Frasier just walks past with a look of disdain. Martin notices the
suit and whistles at him.]
Frasier: You know Dad? There are some fathers who actually praise
their sons and whistle at their dog?
Martin: New suit, huh? Who’s the lucky girl?
Frasier: Well if you must know I’m meeting a friend of Roz’s today
after work but it’s no big deal.
Martin: Well congratulations. What’s it been? A year?
Frasier: It has not been that long!
Martin: I remember the tree was still up.
[Frasier storms off into the kitchen where Daphne is busy.]
Daphne: Well, look at you all dressed up.
Frasier: Yes, it’s a new suit. Yes, I’m meeting a woman. And yes, it
has been a while.
Daphne: Thanks, that reminds me. I have to order my cards.
Frasier: [examining the microwave] Daphne, are you finished here with
the microwave?
Daphne: Oh no!
[She rushes to the microwave and opens the door to reveal Martin’s
burnt shoes, just as Martin wanders into the kitchen.]
Martin: My Mocarbies!
Daphne: I didn’t mean to leave them in there so long.
Frasier: Yes, well, English cooking strikes again!
[Scene 3 – Café Nervosa.
Frasier and Niles are sitting at their usual table.]
Frasier: Well I think you should be happy that one of your patients
feels healthy enough to terminate his therapy.
Niles: I would but it’s happened so often lately I find myself in
financial straits. Deep financial straits. Look at this belt
[opens up his jacket before whispering] Spanish leather!
Frasier: Yes, well if Mr. Blackwell comes in I’ll create a diversion,
you can make a dash for it.
Niles: Obviously the time has come for me to expand my practice so
I’m placing an ad in "The Seattle Style" magazine.
Frasier: An advertisement? Isn’t that a bit commercial for a
psychiatrist?
Niles: Said Dr. Pot to Dr. Kettle. Besides a highly respected
obstetrician on my floor did it and now his waiting room has
more swollen bellies than a Buddhist temple [laughs at his
joke before handing Frasier the advertisement] I’m on my way
to call it in. I just wanted to run it by you.
Frasier: All right [reading advertisement] "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung
specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups.
Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well
that’s just excellent Niles. All you’re missing now is a
very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a
shrunken head!
Niles: Sorry I didn’t hear you. I was too distracted by your face
going by on the side of a bus. [gets up to leave] I’m off.
[Roz walks in and sees Niles]
Roz: Hey wild thing.
Niles: Yes, hello.
Roz: [inspecting Niles’ waist before pointing to her own] Look,
we have on the same belt.
Niles: [mock happiness] Oh my God!
[Niles leaves and Roz goes over to join Frasier]
Frasier: Hi Roz.
Roz: Hey Frasier. OK, Sharon’s gonna be here any minute.
Frasier: You didn’t say anything to her?
Roz: No, not a word. She has no idea this is a set-up.
Frasier: Good, good. Now, listen. If I don’t like her I will simply
excuse myself and leave. But if I do like her I will find
some polite and discrete way of hinting to you that you may
go. [Roz waves to a stunning leggy blonde that walks in the
door – obviously Sharon] Beat it Roz!
Roz: Hi Sharon [Sharon comes to join them]
Sharon: Hi Roz.
Roz: Look who I ran into. My boss – Dr. Frasier Crane. Frasier,
this is Sharon Payton
Sharon: Oh, pleased to meet you. I’m a big fan of your show.
Frasier: Thank you.
Sharon: I’m sure you’re tired of hearing that. You probably get it
all the time.
Frasier: Oh, well, not lately!
Roz: Listen, Sharon, I’m so sorry to do this to you but I just
got a call from the office and it’s urgent and I have to go.
Sharon: Oh, sure, that’s all right.
Frasier: Well, you know as long as you’re here you might as well join
me.
Sharon: That’d be nice.
Roz: OK.
Frasier: Bye Roz.
[Roz leaves]
Sharon: You know I really do love listening to your show? I think
it’s because you have such a soothing voice.
Frasier: [smooth] What a kind thing to say.
Sharon: I even called in once.
Frasier: Really? May I ask what the problem was?
Sharon: Well, I’m terribly competitive which is great for sports - I
used to play pro-golf – but sometimes it seeps into my
personal life.
Frasier: Ah, well, I don’t think that’s too great a problem, but if I
were to make a recommendation it might be to start seeing a
therapist.
[Both laugh at this. Meanwhile Bulldog has came into the Café and
walks up to their table.]
Bulldog: Whoa! Hello gorgeous.
Frasier: Hello Bulldog.
Bulldog: Not you. Hey, aren’t you gonna introduce me?
Frasier: Well, actually I wasn’t, no!
Bulldog: [introducing himself] Bob Briscoe.
Sharon: [shaking hands] Sharon Payton.
Frasier: Yes, good to see you Bulldog. [trying to push him away]
Don’t be a stranger.
Bulldog: Hey wait a minute. Wait a minute. Sharon Payton. I know you.
[grabs the nearest seat that happens to have someone sitting
on it] LPGA. You won the Denver Open in 1992.
Frasier: 1992? You know that’s a fabulous year for a particular
Chabeautins I took a shine too…
Sharon: [ignoring Frasier and speaking to Bulldog] I know you too.
You’re that guy that says golf is not a sport.
Bulldog: Well it’s not.
Sharon: Really?
Bulldog: Yeah. No cheerleaders, no blood and the only cups involved
are in the ground!
Frasier: You know this reminds me of a debate I had with my brother
Niles about whether or not Steven Sondheim is really light
opera…
Sharon: You know I have a theory that people who put down golf do so
because they can’t play well.
Bulldog: Is that a challenge?
Sharon: It might be.
Bulldog: If we leave right now we can get in 9 holes.
Sharon: Loser buys dinner.
Bulldog: I got a 9 handicap.
Sharon: You’re on [turns to Frasier] Frasier, would you like to join
us?
Frasier: Well, no, I don’t play.
Sharon: Well it was really nice meeting you.
Frasier: Likewise.
Sharon: I’ll get my coat [leaves Bulldog and Frasier alone]
Frasier: Bulldog. Roz set this up that I might meet Sharon. Until you
got here things were going in a very positive direction.
Bulldog: Yeah, well, things seem to have changed haven’t they. What
do you eggheads call that? Irony?
Frasier: Is there nothing I can do to appeal to your sense of
decency?
Bulldog: Hey, I have no sense of decency. That way my other senses
are enhanced!
[Bulldog walks out with Sharon leaving Frasier looking particularly
annoyed.]
[Scene 4 – Daphne's Car]
IT’S HAMMER TIME
[Daphne is busy driving down the street whilst Martin is in the front
seat still babbling about his shoes.]
Martin: …but the real secret to Mocarbies is that they mould
themselves to the shape of your foot. Now my problem was
always hammertoes. If you had hammertoes you had a hell of a
time buying shoes. But Mocarbies fit over my hammertoes like
a glove. Funny, you know? When you’re young you dream about
fame and fortune. When you get to my age all you really want
out of life is a comfy pair of shoes
Daphne: Right now, I’d settle for never hearing the words "hammer
toes" again!
Martin: Hey, don’t give me any attitude. Wasn’t me that nuked the
Mocarbies.
Daphne: I’m not the one who can’t remember where the store is where
you bought the damn shoes.
Martin: Just drive. I’ll tell you when to stop. STOP!
Daphne: [looking out the window] Is that it?
Martin: It’s a red light! In this country we stop for those.
Daphne: All right. All right.
Martin: Woman driver!
Daphne: Hammer toes!
[Scene 5 – KACL]
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BULLDOG?
[Frasier is busy in the booth and looks bored. Roz walks in.]
Roz: [punching Frasier on the arm] Frasier.
Frasier: What? Oh, oh. Haven’t you spoken with Sharon?
Roz: I tried but she wasn’t home all weekend. [punching Frasier
on the arm] Frasier!
Frasier: Look, before you snap my behind with a wet towel, last time
I saw Sharon was leaving Café Nervosa with Bulldog.
Roz: [punching Frasier violently on the arm] Frasier! How could
you let that happen?
Frasier: Well I don’t know. The whole thing was sort of a blur. We
were talking about golf and something called a handicap, the
next thing I know I’m sitting there with a cappuccino
muttering to myself in a very soothing voice.
Roz: I’m sorry.
Frasier: It’s all right Roz. It’s just the whole thing catapulted me
back to High School. You know me as an adult but back then I
was rather an un-athletic bookish sort.
Roz: [sarcastic] Get out!
Frasier: Jocks were the bane of my existence. They would always call
me a "weenie" and steal all the girls that I wanted.
Roz: Oh Frasier, you must have had some girlfriends.
Frasier: Friends, yeah, yeah. Any time they wanted a sensitive
shoulder to cry on until some blonde headed pillar of
testosterone would come by and it was "Bye Frasier, we can
study later". I’d head home to Niles and we’d put on "The
Brandenberg Concerto’s" and play air violin.
Roz: Jeez what a couple of Nerdlingers!
Frasier: I suppose you were Miss Popular at High School?
Roz: I would say yes.
Frasier: I’m guessing that explains why too!
[Bulldog walks in looking like the cat that got the cream.]
Bulldog: Hey guys. What a weekend.
Roz: Listen, Bulldog. Sharon is my friend and you’d better not
hurt her.
Bulldog: Hurt? Hurt her? I am crazy about her. I never felt this way
before. You know, on my way to work, all these songs on the
radio suddenly made sense to me? Have you ever listened to
the words to "Time in a Bottle"? It’s so beautiful, man; I
had to pull over.
Roz: [somewhat disgusted] Oh my God. It’s in love!
Bulldog: [holding Frasier and Roz’s hand] Last night for the first
time in my life I actually said those three little words –
"stay for breakfast".
Frasier: [annoyed] You had sex with Sharon?
Bulldog: Doc please! We "made love". You know what? I gotta call her.
[picks up the phone] No, wait. No. I gotta play hard to get.
[slams phone down] But I miss the sound of her voice. I’m
calling her. [picks up phone] No, wait. It’s too needy.
Chicks hate that [puts phone down] I shouldn’t call her. But
I want to! [picks up phone before putting it down again]
Doc, what should I do?
Frasier: [by now thoroughly mystified] Don’t ask me. I don’t even
know who you are!
[Act 2]
[Scene 1 – The streets of Seattle. Martin and Daphne are still busy
hunting for the shoe store. Martin is looking into an old shop that
is now covered with an iron grille and obviously been closed for a
while. A homeless man is lying nearby.]
Martin: This was it. This was the Mocarbies store. Now it’s gone and
so are the only shoes I’ve ever loved.
Daphne: Mr. Crane, look at me. We’re talking here about something
that’s old and smelly and dirty.
Tramp: Hey!
Martin: Not you. We’re talking about Mocarbies.
Tramp: Ah! Great shoes. They used to sell them here.
Martin: What happened to the store?
Tramp: Moved.
Daphne: Do you know where?
Tramp: Yeah. It’ll cost you.
Martin: [going into his pocket] How much?
Tramp: Not money. I want a kiss.
Daphne: [horrified] What?
Martin: You heard him.
Daphne: Mr. Crane!
Martin: You heard him. You owe me. It’s only a kiss.
Tramp: Not her. [smiles at Martin]
[Martin looks terrified and goes to hide behind Daphne who is busy
smiling at him]
[Scene 2 – KACL.
Frasier is finishing up his show.]
Frasier: This is Dr. Frasier Crane. KACL 780. Talk radio.
[Niles walks in]
Niles: I thought you’d never finish.
Frasier: You know Niles – what say I buy us dinner with a lot of
Martinis?
Niles: Sounds great except for the dinner part!
Frasier: I take it you had a bad day too?
Niles: I had an abysmal day. Remember the ad I placed?
Frasier: Oh yes. Dr. Niles Crane, Jung specialist, blah blah blah.
Niles: Yes well, they’ve made a tiny little typo. See if you can
find it. [hands Frasier the ad]
Frasier: [a pause before a look of realisation] Niles Crane. Hung
specialist! Oh my!
Niles: The rest they got perfectly. [continues reading from the ad]
Servicing individuals, couples. Groups. Satisfaction
guaranteed. [looks at Frasier with a sorrowful face] Tell me
where it hurts!
Frasier: Well…any calls?
Niles: It’s a telethon!
Frasier: Yes. We’ll start with double Martinis.
[Niles and Frasier leave the booth and run into Bulldog who is on the
phone to Sharon.]
Bulldog: Hey Doc, wait a second. I need the name of one of those
fancy restaurants you go to. [speaks to Sharon on the other
end of the phone] Hey, hi Sharon. It’s me. Bob. I had a
great time last night. Listen, how about dinner tonight?
You do? All right, how about tomorrow night? Hey, it’s a
good thing I’m not paranoid – I’d think you were dumping
me…[pause]…Whoa, I walked into that one! Yeah, me too. Good
luck Sharon.
Frasier: I’m sorry Bulldog.
Niles: [placing his hands supportively on Bulldog’s shoulders] Me
too. [moves Bulldog away from the phone] I’ll call
Francois, see if he can get us a table on the patio.
Producer: [poking his head out the booth] Ten seconds Bulldog.
Bulldog: [running into the booth] Oh right. Right.
Frasier: [following him in] Bulldog – are you going to be all right?
Bulldog: Me? Huh, are you kidding? I’m the Bulldog [rattles his
accessories and sits down to start his show whilst Frasier
leaves] Attention, sports fans. You’re in the DogHouse.
[barks but breaks off midway] First some weekend scores. In
football the Packers crushed the Saints [stuttering] 42 to
10 and the 49ers humiliated [nearly in tears] the Patriots
35 to 7. And in golf…
[Bulldog takes a long pause. By now Frasier has joined Roz and
Bulldog’s producer in the booth and all are looking concerned.]
Bulldog: Golf. Hey, golf sucks. Let’s go to calls. [puts a caller
through] Hey, you’re in the DogHouse. Put on a flea collar.
[Bulldog speaks to the caller. Meanwhile Niles rushes into the studio
to speak to Frasier.]
Niles: We have the table Frasier, but Francois says he can only
hold it for ten minutes.
Frasier: [brushing Niles off] In a minute.
[back in the booth]
Caller: …what’s up with the rumour that the Seahawks are
thinking of leaving Seattle again?
Bulldog: I have no respect for them, man. Anyone who has their fun
then they [nearly in tears again] just leave you…hey, to
hell with them. Right? We’ll get another team. A team that,
a team that will never leave us…[breaks down completely into
tears]…a team we can love forever.
[In the studio]
Roz: You gotta go to commercial.
Producer: I already did.
Frasier: [rushing into the booth] Bulldog, are you going to be all
right? Do you think you can take the show?
[Bulldog gets up and runs out of the booth sobbing]
Roz: Wait, Bulldog. We need a tape. Where’s "The Best of
Bulldog"?
Bulldog: [weeping] She took the best of Bulldog!
Producer: We got dead air in fifteen seconds.
Roz: Great. OK. I’ll go get Bulldog. [turns to Frasier] You take
over the show.
Frasier: Me? A sports show?
Roz: [rushing out] You’re the only one here.
[Frasier takes his seat and rushes about, putting his headphones on
the wrong way, hitting Bulldog’s horn and generally looking
completely lost.]
Frasier: OK, sports enthusiasts. This is Dr. Frasier Crane filling in
for Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe [bangs a cymbal] You’re on the
air.
Mike: This is Mike. I wanted to talk to Bulldog but you’ll do. So
what’s your take on the damn Yankees this season?
Frasier: Are you speaking of the frothy musical adaptation or the
baseball team of which I know nothing.
Mike: What a weenie! [hangs up]
Frasier: Doesn’t that take me back? But he brings up a good point.
You see, while I’m on the air please feel free to call up
about anything other than sports. Please. [takes a call]
Hello, you’re on the air.
Caller: Yeah. You think it was a good idea for the Sonics to give up
those draft choices so they could free up some money under
the cap, you know, to go after a wide body to help them in
the paint?
Frasier: [staring straight ahead, completely and utterly lost] Yes!
[takes another call] You’re on the air.
[The scene switches to the men’s bathroom. Roz rushes in to try and
find Bulldog who is hiding in a cubicle. There is a man standing at
the urinal.]
Roz: Bulldog, I know you’re in there. Get out here [turns to see
the man who doesn’t look pleased to see her] Oh give me a
break Leonard – like you haven’t fantasised about this
moment.
Bulldog: Go away Roz.
Roz: Will you grow up? So you got dumped. You got a little
payback for the way you’ve treated women all your life.
Besides. The Bulldog I know doesn’t get sad. He gets angry.
Bulldog: You’re right. [shouting violently] This stinks. This is
total…[breaks down again]…total BS.
[Niles wanders in and stares at the scene unfolding before him.]
Roz: If you don’t come out in the next thirty seconds I’m going to
reach in there and grab you out by your ankles!
Niles: Hello Roz. Playing hard to get?
Roz: It’s Bulldog. You’re a psychiatrist. Help him.
Niles: As distressed as I am by his condition he’s not the only
one who’s suffering here. In eight minutes Frasier and I are
going to lose our patio table.
Roz: Well as long as Frasier is filling in for Bulldog you’re not
going anywhere
[Niles looks shocked and turns to help Bulldog whilst brushing Roz
out the bathroom]
Niles: You poor man. Help is at hand!
Bulldog: No. No shrinks. I hate shrinks. You’re all a bunch of wimps.
Weirdo’s. [comes out the cubicle and collapses in tears on
Niles’ shoulders] Help me!
Niles: There, there. I’m here for you. [pushes Bulldog away] And
you’re over there for me. Well, I sense you’re in a great
deal of pain.
Bulldog: Yeah. Make it stop.
Niles: No. The first step towards healing is not to bury the pain
but to feel it at its fullest depth.
[Bulldog lets out a wild scream that completely scares Niles.]
Niles: OK, well before security arrives let’s skip onto step two.
[Frasier charges in]
Frasier: What is going on?
Niles: Excuse me Bulldog. Frasier, please, we are in session.
Frasier: Look Niles. We have to pull this man together in minutes.
Not in a lifetime!
Niles: How dare you talk to me like that.
[Niles and Frasier proceed to argue loudly whilst Bulldog remains
curled up on the bathroom floor.]
Frasier: We don’t have the time for this. Now get out!
Niles: All right. All right. Bulldog, I’m referring you to my
brother. Frasier, I’ll call Francois – tell him there’s been
a death in the family. That ought to buy us another ten
minutes.
[Niles rushes out leaving a depressed Bulldog and an angry Frasier]
Frasier: All right Bulldog. Look, we’re on a newsbreak. You have got
to pull yourself together because there is no way I’m
enduring anymore of that humiliation.
Bulldog: I’m not going out there, man.
Frasier: You have got to. I can’t even decipher the abbreviations on
the scoresheets. I’m guessing by your producer’s guffaws
that it is not the Cleveland Independents!
Bulldog: I just never felt this way about a chick before. I was even
thinking about me and her having kids. Isn’t that scary?
Frasier: Positively bone chilling.
Bulldog: [weeping] It hurts like hell.
Frasier: I know. I know Bulldog. You know, often through pain we can
achieve emotional growth. It reminds me of a paper I
recently presented to the Vancouver psychiatric association.
The grounds of my discourse was that the sufferer i.e. you…
Bulldog: Doc, Doc, you’re hurting my head here. Can you stop being a
shrink and just be like a guy.
Frasier: [thinking] Like a guy. Like a guy. [pauses for a moment]
SCREW HER!
Bulldog: What?
Frasier: [angrily] Yeah, you don’t need her. She’s trash!
Bulldog: Yeah that’s right.
Frasier: You’re better off without her. We both are.
Bulldog: I like the sound of this.
Frasier: Yeah, so do I. Unattractive yet liberating rather like the
one and only time I wore a European bathing suit. [realising
he’s going off track] I’m sorry. SHE’S A BITCH!
Bulldog: Hey, she wasn’t even that hot.
Frasier: You’re right. All she did was save you the trouble of having
to dump her!
Bulldog: [upbeat] I never thought about that.
Frasier: There you go.
Bulldog: I’m feeling a little better Doc
Frasier: That’s right.
[Bulldog goes to leave the bathroom followed by Frasier]
Bulldog: Thanks. It’s great talking to you [holds out his hand]
Frasier: [shaking his hand] Likewise. You know I could talk like this
for another thirty seconds.
[The scene switches to the booth as Frasier and Bulldog walk in and
Bulldog takes his seat for the show.]
Frasier: She was nothing. She was less than nothing.
Bulldog: Yeah, right.
Frasier: Tomorrow you’re gonna find someone even hotter and you know
what you’re gonna do?
Bulldog: What?
Frasier: You’re gonna have your fun with her and then you’re gonna
dump her just for the hell of it.
Bulldog: Yeah. DUMP HER!
Frasier: And you know what? You’re not gonna feel bad about it at
all. You know why? BECAUSE WE’RE GUYS AND THAT’S WHAT GUYS
DO!!!!!
[Bulldog raises his arms in joy. Frasier about turns and walks out
the booth meeting Niles.]
Niles: Distressing news Frasier. Francois gave away our table.
Frasier: SCREW HIM!
Niles: [shocked] Excuse me.
Frasier: You heard what I said. We don’t need him or his stinky
little restaurant. There are plenty of restaurants in town.
I say we go somewhere we don’t even need a reservation!
[Niles slaps Frasier and a look of confusion spreads across Frasier’s
face]
Frasier: [back to normal] Thank you Niles.
Niles: You’re welcome.
Frasier: Yes, you know, if we hasten, perhaps we can catch the first
sitting at Cigar Volante.
[Frasier and Niles run off out the corridor]
Credits:
[Frasier puts on his stereo and starts playing air violin while Eddie
just sits back and watches. Frasier notices Eddie watching but this
only encourages him as he takes out a handkerchief and places it on
his shoulder to make the whole thing look more realistic. Niles is
watching the whole thing from the sofa and gets up and joins Frasier
in playing air violin. Eddie simply buries his head in the sofa.]
Thanks To...
Transcript written by IAIN MCCALLUM
Edited by NICHOLAS HARTLEY
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by "The Frasier Files".
This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright
of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.
